A hot day in Utrecht. Team Condor warms up for the time trials, on exercise bikes.
Farky-Om-Farky is supposed to be observing.
But he has not even noticed Michael Rogers lurking nearby.
What do you reckon, Farks? asks Sweezus.
What about? says Farky-Om-Farky.
I know, he adds quickly.
Well? says Sweezus.
I can't tell you, in fairness, says Farky-Om-Farky. It may alter the results of the time trials.
May? says Arthur. Don't you know?
I fear this omniscient dog will be useless, says Pablo, pedalling dispiritedly.
Just do your best, says Farky-Om-Farky, darkly.
Michael Rogers tiptoes off to report to Team Tinkoff Saxo.
Well? says Alberto.
It knows, says Michael Rogers, but it's being cagey.
Who will win? says Alberto.
The dog wouldn't say, says Michael Rogers. It said it would alter the results.
That is cheating, says Alberto.
No, says Michael Rogers. The dog meant if it said who would win, it would alter the results.
No lo creo! says Alberto. How could that be?
Ding!
It is now the turn of Rafal Majka to ride his time trial.
Buena suerte, Rafal! says Alberto. The future-knowing dog of Team Condor says you will win.
Excelente! says Rafal, zooming off to the start point.
You shouldn't have said that, Alberto, says Michael Rogers.
It is an experiment, says Alberto. To see if the results will be altered.
By what? says Michael Rogers.
By Rafal knowing this untrue fact, says Alberto.
Sure enough, Rafal does not win the time trial.
Proving something to Alberto, although it is none too clear what.
Let us now go to the start point and see what is happening.
Vello (Team Philosophe) is about to ride down the chute.
There is a momentary kerfuffle while his qualification papers are double checked.
Then: quatre...trois....deux....un. Depart!
He rides hard, until he remembers the words of the official. Don't bust a gut.
He slows a little.
After all no point in overdoing things on day one.
He looks about him, at the encouraging crowds in summer tee shirts.
A bicycle draws up alongside.
God's Goggles! It's Gaius, riding Schopenhauer's bicycle.
Gaius, says Vello. I thought you'd got rid of that bike.
The Gaius on the Schopenhauer bicycle pays him no attention.
He passes Vello, pedalling robotically, emitting sudden flashes and beepings at corners.
Vello shrugs and keeps riding, resolving to follow this up.
.....
Rohan Dennis, (Team BMC), flows down the chute, unaware that today is his day.
He rides like the clappers. Then even faster than clappers.
Woosh!
Fastest speed ever recorded in a Tour de France time trial : 55.446 kmh
Rohan Dennis, the winner.
You knew, Farks? says Sweezus
Course I knew, says Farky-Om-Farky.
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