I Am Impervious

What's the matter, little chappie? asks Grizel Baillie.

THEY'VE got warm jackets, says Terence. What have I got?

Shorts, says the Elegant Parrot.

But Terence, dear, says Katherine. You don't need a warm jacket.

You should be impervious, says Sweezus.

I AM impervious, says Terence. And I imperviously need a warm jacket.

What a wonderful adverb, says Grizel. Just for that you deserve a warm jacket. Let me see what I've got in my wardrobe.

She leaves the kitchen, to search through her copious wardrobe.

Shorts, says Terence gloomily.

That reminds me, says Sweezus.

He gives the wrapped present to Arthur.

Arthur rips open the colourful dog wrapping paper and the washed board shorts drop out.

Melted Lo Tides. Plain blue on one leg, orange fireballs on the other.

Hey, says Arthur. Thanks! I needed a new pair.

He sniffs them, for some reason.

It's okay. Lauren washed them, says Sweezus.

So, they're not new, says Arthur.

Yeah, but they kind of are, says Sweezus.

Arthur resolves to get to the bottom of the story, but just then Grizel re-enters the kitchen.

How will this do? She holds up a plaid Tam o' shanter.

Woo, says Terence. Is it a jacket?

It's a tammy! says Katherine. What a nice one! Grizel, where did you get it?

It was daddie's, says Grizel. But I don't really need it. I shall never forget my dear daddie.

Oh yes, your daddie, says Katherine. Didn't you and he do something brave?

Indeed, says Grizel. I was only twelve when I used to take daddie's letters to a Scottish conspirator in the Rye House plot, Robert Baillie.

Woo, says Terence.

Did you marry him? asks the Elegant Parrot.

This is not such a stupid question. Her name is Baillie.

No, scoffs Grizel. It was his son George that I married. We fell in love when I was twelve and married several years later, upon my insistence.

Romantic. But who can believe it?

It's got one BIG HOLE, says Terence.

I beg your pardon? says Grizel Baillie.

No armholes, says Terence.

Oh, he means the tammy, says Katherine.

I'll get the scissors, says Grizel. Now.... where are they?

I'm still using them, says Gaius, stabbing at a sardine tin.