This Place Is A Death Trap

Ten o'clock at the Melbourne Museum. Opening time.

Sir Frederick McCoy sits in his grand office, waiting for his visitor, Gaius Plinius Secundus.

The famous Prodromus lies open on his desk, revealing a delicate and highly detailed drawing of a Pobblebonk.

He is hoping to get Gaius on side with a new project.

Knock knock.

Sir Frederick stands up. Opens the door of his office.

The two famous men regard one another.

Sir Frederick, natty dresser, reddish Dundreary whiskers, peppery when thwarted.

And Gaius, porridge stains on his shirt, smelling faintly of sardines, a parrot on his shoulder, in a good temper this morning.

Hello! says the Elegant Parrot, before either famous man can speak. Forgive me for being here, but I was not allowed into the Dinosaur Walk, for some unexplained reason. I can only think....

I can only think, says Sir Frederick, that whoever it was thought you ought to be in Live Exhibits.

Instead, she is here, says Gaius. But no matter. She has little interest in dinosaurs.

Being a female, says the Elegant Parrot. We like feathers and whatnot.

Ho ho, says Sir Frederick. Better not let my younger staff members hear that.

Now, says Gaius, time is pressing. I see you have the Prodromus. May I ask if you have a detailed drawing of the critically endangered Baw Baw?

Probably, says Sir Frederick dismissively. But do, rather, take a look at the Pobblebonk.

Gaius peers at the fine drawing of the Pobblebonk.

It is warty, and looks like a cane toad.

It looks like.....begins Gaius.

......a cane toad, says Sir Frederick. But it isn't. Here's the thing. The City of Melbourne wants to increase the understory habitat in Melbourne by 20 percent by 2026.

Good luck, says the Elegant Parrot. This place is a death trap.

Gaius looks at Sir Frederick to gauge his reaction.

Ha ha, laughs Sir Frederick. I said you were in the wrong room.

Go on, says Gaius.

The Council wants the public to vote for an emblematic species to represent Melbourne, says Sir Frederick. The nominees are: the Native Water Rat, the Pobblebonk, the Nocturnal Microbat, the White Skink and the Green Grocer Cicada. I favour the Pobblebonk.

I vote for the Green Grocer Cicada, says the Elegant Parrot. Green is best. I shall do all I can to see SHE gets elected.

Unfortunately for you, you won't be here, says Gaius. We head for the Baw Baw Plateau this afternoon.

So you intend to persist in this folly? says Sir Frederick. Do you realise how cold it will be? And the Baw Baws will all be inactive.

I am a Roman, says Gaius.

Humph! says Sir Frederick McCoy.