Cool Skinny

Vello is fuming.

Monsieur Lambert has insisted on a mountain bike instead of a racer.

Easier to sculpt, says Monsieur Lambert.

Vello refuses to wheel it.

Now for new clothes.

Monsieur Lambert takes him to G-Star Raw, in Espace Candide.

Vello likes buying new clothes, so he softens.

The salesman, Laurence, is cool.

Your face is familiar, says Laurence.

It is to me, too, says Vello. Now how about something natty.

Natty, says Laurence. That we can do.

Vello looks around at the stressed denim and low crotches. The skinny chinos. The floral shirts.

Certain taboos you can get away with, says Laurence.

I know, says Vello. Pick me out something.

Laurence chooses baggy jeans (so eighties) a short sleeve paisley shirt, a pinstripe jacket and a bucket hat.

Not the hat, says Vello. It'd flatten my high fade.

True, says Laurence. Perhaps your friend would like it. His head is already quite flat.

David had been propping up the mountain bike, and looking through the window.

But he heard that. A bucket hat is the last thing he needs, if his head is flat already

No thank you, says David. Are we done? Don't we have to be somewhere?

Yes, says Monsieur Lambert. The Mairie. But first, Vello should wear the new outfit.

Vello changes into his taboo cool and wearable outfit.

He looks okay, because he is skinny.

Off they go to the Mairie (having paid Laurence a great deal of money, with a discount for the publicity associated with the proposed statue).

Mayor Raphoz is a busy man, but he has made time for the patron of Ferney.

Sit down, says Mayor Raphoz. I'll have coffee brought. This is an honour.

Yes, says Vello. Were you surprised I'm not wearing a frock coat?

Not at all, says Mayor Raphoz. We all follow your cycling exploits. It was disappointing for all of us when you were unable to ride in the Tour this year.

Piles, says Vello, remembering.

Ahem, coughs Mayor Raphoz, politely. Too much information.

We have a proposal, says Vello. Monsieur Lambert is willing to sculpt me as I am today, with modern hair, clothes and a bicycle, albeit the wrong sort.

It's all very fine, whatever the bicycle, says Mayor Raphoz. There's always room for a new statue of our patron. Perhaps near the post office.

You misunderstand me, says Vello. This statue will replace the old one of me in the frock coat and stockings.

What! cries Mayor Raphoz. But that statue is famous! And it is on our town logo. Imagine the disorder!

I do, I do, says Vello.