Wheels In The Head

Belle calls Vello, who has not yet reached Ferney.

Belle: How's the train trip?

Vello: Belle! I'm on the train to Ferney.

Belle: I know. Is it comfortable?

Vello: How should I know? I'm in a state of agitation. David has been questioning Monsieur Lambert's sculpting capabilities.

Belle: The last one he made of you was lovely. He made you look funny and wise.

Vello: Yes, it was very natural, but there is the question of modern hairstyles, and ... can he sculpt a bicycle?

Belle: Of course he can. Would you like me to call Monsieur Lambert and discuss it?

Vello: Would you? You are a treasure.

Belle: Terence doesn't think so. But I do my best. Well, enjoy the rest of your journey, dear papa.

Vello: I shall try to. Bye bye, darling.

Belle calls Monsieur Lambert the sculptor.

Hello? says Monsieur Lambert. This is Monsieur Lambert the sculptor.

Monsieur Lambert, says Belle, I am Belle et Bonne, the adopted daughter of your most famous subject.

Voltaire, the Patriarch of Ferney! cries Monsieur Lambert. You are his adopted daughter! He always spoke highly of you.

With good reason, says Belle et Bonne.

And how may I help you, dearest madame? asks Monsieur Lambert.

It's a bit tickly, says Belle et Bonne.

Try me, says Monsieur Lambert, thinking he would not mind something tickly, from this young woman.

Papa is on his way to Ferney to meet you, says Belle et Bonne. He wishes to ask you a favour, which you are at liberty to refuse.

What is it?

Times have changed, says Belle et Bonne, and Papa is now a cyclist with a modern hairstyle.

I see where you are going, says Monsieur Lambert. He wants an update. Was he afraid to ask me himself?

Embarrassed, perhaps, says Belle. He hasn't got a modern hairstyle. The Tour de France has taken up all of his time.

I didn't see him in the Tour, says Monsieur Lambert. There was a new rider.

Humboldt, says Belle et Bonne. A ring-in. Papa was Team Director and.... may I tell you a secret?

Oui, oui! You may.

Occasional clown, says Belle et Bonne. But the first thing he'll do in Ferney is get a new haircut.

I cut hair, says Monsieur Lambert. There are not too many sculpting jobs about these days.

I suppose not, says Belle et Bonne. I'm sure he'll adore your haircut. You're a world class sculptor. Now for the thing I must ask you. Don't be afraid to say no.

Monsieur Lambert is already half in love with the exquisite (he imagines) Belle et Bonne. He will not say no.

Can you do him on a bicycle? asks Belle et Bonne.

Silence.

Or standing next to bicycle, holding it up? she adds.

Wheels turn in Monsieur Lambert's head.