The Introduction Of Worms And Philosophy

Behind the Swiss Cotton flower and bird printed curtain:

Where is Arthur? asks Gaius.

Here, says Arthur, as if he has not just arrived.

Not before time, says Belle. You're on in this scene. And there's been a few changes.

Yeah, says Sweezus. No more action in the sink hole. And some of the punters can't see.

How come? asks Arthur.

An internal collapse, says Belle. Your fault. We've had to rearrange the chairs along the fence line. Some are in the bushes.

I can handle any gardening issues, says Arthur. I've got notes.

Notes? says Gaius. Good man.

What notes? asks Sweezus. You know all your lines.

Extra notes, says Arthur. From Gardening Australia, and from......a famous philosopher.

Me, I suppose, says Vello. Get on then. The audience seems restless.

Scene three:

Arthur comes on, dressed as Costa. Followed by Paquette and Brother Giroflée with a basket of oranges.

Audience: (even those who can't see): Costa! Costa!

Costa: Here at Candide's Garden we're all about innovation. The orange dance will be performed along the fence line. Everyone will have a chance to join in. The stink bug will give out spades at the end of the performance.

An audience member with back problems: What for?

Costa: It'll be optional. Each to his ability. That's what gardening is all about.

Paquette: Tell us more about what gardening is all about.

Brother Giroflée: But first, would you care for an orange which came from our orange tree?

Costa: I would, thank you, Brother Giroflée.

He eats the orange, and spits out the pips.

The stink bug prances out, to gather the pips.

A nice touch.

The stink bug tries to juggle the pips.

A bit too ambitious. All the pips drop. The audience laughs.

Costa: The aim of gardening is to promote sublime tranquility and indifference. It helps us avoid the the plague of metaphysical and religious questions.

Doctor Pangloss (emerging from behind the curtain): I say! I heartily agree.

Martin ( emerging also, and fuming): No wonder! Those are your words!

Doctor Pangloss: But you don't disagree?

Martin: Hum. I suppose not.

He and Doctor Pangloss go back behind the curtain.

Costa: Ignore them. Neither of them are real gardeners. Today we will learn about how to speed up compost, by the introduction of worms.

Several audience members: Tell us! Tell us!

Costa: I just told you. The introduction of worms.

Stink bug: He just told you.

Paquette. When's our orange dance?

Costa: Now. Where's our guitarist?

Elodie comes out.

Elodie: What about climate change?

Costa: What about it?

Elodie: You were supposed to make the point that it's fifteen years in the future and orange trees can now be grown in deep sink holes.

Costa: It seemed ridiculous, in the circumstances. Perhaps you could sing something to take our minds off the philosophical implications.

Elodie: All right. Nobby, birds, ready?

Pling! She starts playing.