Behind the beautiful curtain:
How many chose the sink hole? whispers Vello.
About thirty, whispers Belle.
And how many up top inside the fence line? whispers David.
Another thirty, whispers Belle. And about fifty outside on the road.
What! says Vello. They're expecting to watch it for nothing?
Not much we can do, whispers Belle.
We'll see about that, mutters Vello. Hold the action! I'm doing a prologue.
He strides onto the stage, narrowly missing a candle.
Greetings, drama lovers! says Vello. Thank you to all who bought tickets. And you people behind them on the footpath, who have not bought tickets, will not be disappointed. You may enter by the Friends Gate, fifty metres west, on Plane Tree Drive. Just mention Candide's Garden.
The people on the wrong side of the fence start shuffling westwards.
Fear not, drama lovers, says Vello. They won't be back. Now sit back, or squat comfortably, and enjoy our simple entertainment.
He ducks back behind the curtain, and whispers to the Velogram, who heads off to the Friends Gate.
At last his double is coming in useful.
The beautiful Swiss cotton curtain rises.
The candles flicker.
Scene One.
(Enter Candide and Cunégonde in gold and silver clothing, with trowels.)
Cunégonde: Oh I do love to garden at night!
Candide: So do I. The scent of damp dirt and the crackle of snails as you crush them.
Cunégonde: And the oranges. Even Martin seems happy.
Candide: Yes I was right, wasn't I. One should cultivate one's garden.
Cunégonde: Yes, darling. One certainly should.
Enter Martin and Doctor Pangloss, discussing the merits and disadvantages of Dynamic Lifter.
A rumbling sound begins, from behind Nobby, who stands in a pot in the background, bearing oranges.
Now? whispers Nobby.
Yes, NOW!
Nobby throws down the oranges. Thud, thud! The candles go out. Woof! Nobby is gone!
So are Candide and Cunégonde. Their voices rise from the sink hole.
Candide: Holy excrement! What just happened?
Cunégonde: The earth subsided. Are you all right?
Candide: Yes. We're, like, heaps lower. And the orange tree is down here as well.
Cunégonde: And look! There's a bronze orange stink bug!
Terence (pressing his button): Poo Poo!
The audience in the sink hole start coughing.
The audience above can't see the action.
They leave their seats and move to the edge of the sink hole.
Brother Giroflée: Get out of the way, please!
A way is cleared.
Brother Griroflée: Thank you so much.
Paquette: There go our pistachios!
Brother Giroflée: And our oranges.
A bird loving audience member: How CUTE!
Another one: Yes. Don't you just love their little costumes!
The bird lover: Yes. That one's hood balances his beak, and his short cloak reveals his knees, which makes me think he's an oyster catcher. And the stout one in the straw hat looks like a red winged parrot.
The other one: You know a lot about birds!
The bird lover: I'm a bird lover.
The other one: I am too. But I'm no expert.
The old lady: Excuse me. What has happened?
The bird lover: We don't really know. The action seems to be taking place down below.
The old lady: Please resume your seats. I can't say my lines with you here.
The bird lover: Sorry. We didn't realise you were in it.
They withdraw.
The old lady: What a to do! I know! I'll go inside and call Costa from Gardening Australia!
The audience erupts in a frenzy of clapping.
Costa! Costa!
End of scene one.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment