This Is Rich!

Scene two:

The flowered curtain rises.

The old lady moves to the edge of the sink hole with a large ball of string.

The old lady: I'm coming down to lay out a sunken garden. Who else is down there?

The bronze orange stink bug: Only me!

Paquette: No, we are down here!

Brother Giroflée: We can't find the string.

The old lady: I have brought some. I obtained it from Bunnings. Is there a ladder?

The bronze orange stink bug: No! Jump!

Paquette: Yes, of course there's a ladder.

A ladder appears. The old lady climbs down it.

The audience at ground level begin talking amongst themselves.

One person: This is rich!

Another: I should say so! I bet we've paid the same as the ones in the sink hole.

Yet another: Why don't we all move our seats forward?

All thirty: Great idea!

A sensible person: It might be dangerous!

But ten squatting audience members move forward, and sit on the rim of the sink hole, dangling their legs. And the twenty with seats move their seats right in behind them.

So they can all see.

Paquette and Brother Giroflée poke sticks into the floor of the sunken garden.

Aww! say the bird lovers.

The old lady rolls out the string.

She ties it at ankle level. And stands up.

The old lady: Hark! I think I hear bees.

She walks forward and trips on the string.

The audience gasps. It was so realistic.

The old lady lies on the ground, slightly lopsided.

Paquette: Help! Someone!

The old lady: Arghh! There is a throbbing pain in my one good buttock!

The stink bug: I'll help you! Poo Poo!

The old lady: Weeoooooooeeeaaa.....

She is now unconscious.

Candide emerges from behind the Swiss cotton curtain, his LED sneakers flashing.

Candide: Excuse me. Clear the way please.

Audience member: Sorry. We've all moved in closer to see.

Candide: There'll be nothing to see if I can't get down the ladder.

Audience (in unison): Down down down!

A seat is moved and Candide climbs down the ladder, then up again, dragging the old lady.

At the top he drops her gently, on a heap of compost.

The old lady (no longer unconscious): I've laid out the garden. Is Costa here yet?

Candide: No. Not yet. He must be busy.

Audience: Boo!

Cunégonde (appearing): But we have his advice. Oranges, ferns and hydrangeas. And a bee hole.

Doctor Pangloss: All will be for the best in the best of all possible worlds.

Martin: What is that earthy vibration?

Bronze orange stink bug: Poos and farts!

Martin: If only it were. But I fear our set is collapsing. Move back, you fools!

The upper audience is shocked to be addressed in this manner, but most of them inch back a little.

Several of the lucky ones in the sink hole eye the ladder.