Not A Horse As Such

What's up? asks Shorty-Tartus.

Lots of stuff, says Quiet-Tartus. 

Shorty-Tartus feels a rumbling.

Are we on the move again? asks Shorty-Tartus.

That or Unhappy has sat on our cushion, says Quiet-Tartus.

I feel a rumbling, says Shorty-Tartus.

He's been eating cabbage, says Quiet-Tartus.

They squeeze out from under the cushion. No point sleeping now.

Wittgenstein has started the engine. The camper is moving.

They should have asked you, says Gaius.

They are young men, says Wittgenstein.

That's no excuse, says Gaius. 

Where's my parrot? asks Terence.

He'll be making his own way to Yamba, says Gaius. 

I don't think he likes me, says Terence.

Birds like their own space, says Gaius.

Lucky I'm getting a horse, says Terence.

You'll be getting something to do with a horse, says Wittgenstein. Not a horse as such. And first, I must inspect the Mazda for dog hairs.

What's not a horse as such? asks Terence.

Not an actual horse, says Gaius. You must understand that there would be no room for a horse in the camper.

I could ride it, says Terence. 

In front or behind? asks Wittgenstein.

Don't encourage him, says Gaius. 

I'm trying to imagine it, says Wittgenstein. Terence leading. Or trotting behind.

Leading, says Terence. 

This is an imaginary exercise, says Gaius. It is most likely you will receive a toy horse of some kind. 

Perhaps a Schleich, says Wittgenstein.

No way, says Terence. I want a whole horse.

Ha ha, laughs Wittgenstein. A Schleich, not a slice.

Speaking of sliced horses..... says Gaius. 

Which we weren't, says Wittgenstein.

No, we weren't, says Terence.

Well, I was, says Gaius. I believe many horses in this area were badly injured in the floods. Volunteers are doing their best to take care of them.

How kind, says Wittgenstein. Not everyone thinks of the plight of the horses. Perhaps Terence would like to sponsor one of the unfortunate creatures. I could make a donation. How would that please you Terence?

La la la, says Terence. I'm not even listening.

I am, says Unhappy. Everyone has been kind to me. I'll be a horse sponsor.

How would that be fair? asks Terence. It's my reward for picking up your dog hairs. 

Which you haven't done, says Unhappy. Anyway, it's not a horse as such. It's like you and Arthur's koala.

So it is, says Wittgenstein. You and Unhappy can share in the sponsorship.

Wonderful, says Gaius.

Terence is silent.