Proper Tea

Wittgenstein receives a text message, from Gaius. 

Meet us outside Farmer Lou's.

I assume that's the fruit and veg shop, says Wittgenstein.

He checks the location on his smart phone. 

Sorry about the dog hairs, says Unhappy.

You cannot help having them, says Wittgenstein. You should see the hairs in my bathroom.

That is a kind thing to say, says Unhappy. 

I had not meant it as a kind thing to say, says Wittgenstein.

Nevertheless, says Unhappy.

I might ask Terence to pick them off for me, says Wittgenstein. I could reward him.

He can have this pennyroyal, says Unhappy.

I doubt Terence would ever suffer from a headache, says Wittgenstein.

But I don't want it, says Unhappy.

We will leave that to Gaius, says Wittgenstein. 

He pulls up outside Farmer Lou's.

The camper is parked there. 

Wittgenstein leaves Unhappy in the Mazda, and enters Farmer Lou's.

What a vivid array of fruit and vegetables Farmer Lou has.

Gaius is looking for curly cabbage. 

Sweezus and Arthur are eating green apples.

Did you obtain the pennyroyal? asks Gaius.

Yes, says Wittgenstein. I was given it, gratis.

Why was that? asks Gaius.

The assistant liked my joke, says Wittgenstein.

You made a joke? says Gaius.

It isn't unheard of, says Wittgenstein. In fact I'm working on a second.

 Perhaps you might tell it to Farmer Lou, says Gaius. We could get a discount.

Jokes must come up naturally, says Wittgenstein. I can't just go over to the counter and say: Why do all Marxists drink herbal tea?

No, of course not, says Gaius. It was a silly suggestion. Aha! I've spotted a curly cabbage!

Gaius adds the curly cabbage to his basket of carrots, avocadoes and bananas.

He goes across to the counter.

Fifteen dollars eighty, says the assistant, who is not Farmer Lou.

Very pricey, says Gaius. Any chance of a discount?

Half a cabbage would be cheaper, suggests the assistant

That is not a discount, says Gaius. By the way, why do Marxists drink herbal tea?

Don't know, says the assistant. Are you a Marxist?

It's a joke, to which I don't know the answer, says Gaius.

To a Marxist, proper tea is theft, says Wittgenstein, coming up behind Gaius.

Proper tea? says the assistant. How is that funny?

She takes a sharp knife from under the counter, and slices the cabbage.

Which reduces the bill down to thirteen dollars twenty.

But then:

Two dollars each for the green apples, says the assistant. I assume those two guys are with you.