Later that evening, in the Nothing is Really Difficult box, a large crowd has gathered for the free show, Candide on Wheels. The VeloDrone enters.
The VeloDrone: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Candide on Wheels, which suffered an untimely interruption three nights ago. We now present scene three, in which the lovely Cunegonde and the handsome young Candide are reunited thanks to the Old Woman with only one buttock. Please note that tonight's production will be played without bicycles. He withdraws.
Enter The VeloDrone, as Candide, and Marie, as the Old Woman.
Candide: Who are you?
Old Woman: Never mind. I am taking you to see someone.
Candide: Who can it be?
They walk over to the far side of the box.
A heckler: Where are your bicycles?
Candide: Shut up! This show isn't interactive!
Old Woman: Behold your beloved!
Candide: Cunegonde! But I thought you had been ravished and disembowelled!
Cunegonde: People don't always die of such mishaps!
Candide: Tell me what happened?
Cunegonde: Bulgars came to my home, cut the throats of my father and brother, and made mincemeat of my mother.
Candide: O poor you!
Cunegonde: I was ravished by a soldier, who wounded me in the left thigh. I was then rescued by his captain who took me as a prisoner of war. I had to wash his shirts and cook his meals. After three months he sold me to a Jew, who brought me here to Portugal. He installed me in this country house and shares me with the Grand Inquisitor.
Candide: How dreadful.
Old Woman: Indeed, some terrible things have happened to Cunegonde, but worse things have happened to me. Would you like to hear my story? If you would, stay seated for scene four.
Heckler: Where are the bicycles?
Old Woman: I have only one buttock! I'm very glad we're on foot.
Heckler, and the rest of the audience: Ha ha! Bravo! Very good!
Showing posts with label Candide on Wheels. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Candide on Wheels. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Candide Catches Cold
The VeloDrone goes off to ride the Ferris wheel on his own. The others have decided to go and see The Boy With Tape on His Face. When they meet afterwards The VeloDrone is wet.
Belle et Bonne: Papa! You're all wet!
The VeloDrone: It began to rain while I was on that cursed Ferris wheel.
Belle et Bonne: What a shame! You should have come with us. It was fun.
The VeloDrone: But interactive, I'll be bound.
Le Bon David: Yes, yes, but in a most delightful way. In any case, we made sure to sit well back from the front and in the very middle of a row.
Marie: You would have enjoyed it. The boy had tape over his mouth, so he had to interact with the audience without speaking. He got people to do all sorts of funny things, like fighting with tape measures, and staple guns, bull fighting, pretending to be a horse, and popping balloons with drawing pin studded gloves. He even got a pretty girl to dance Swan Lake, in a tutu, and kiss someone.
Belle et Bonne; Yes, I wished I'd sat nearer the front so he might have picked me. I would have loved to dance Swan Lake and be kissed by a stranger who was handcuffed to me.
Le Bon David: Well, I was glad I didn't get picked to do anything hard. Nevertheless, we all finished up on the stage at the end, laughing and clapping and hitting red balloons into the air.
The VeloDrone: Really? Perhaps I would have enjoyed it after all. As it is, I am wet and I may be catching a cold. Achoo! Which is unfortunate because we are going to be performing in a few minutes.
Belle et Bonne: Candide on Wheels? Oh hurrah! I'll get to do my scene!
The VeloDrone: Yes. I have been talking to the Nothing is Really Difficult Dutchmen. They have agreed to let us use their wooden box.
Belle et Bonne: Papa! You're all wet!
The VeloDrone: It began to rain while I was on that cursed Ferris wheel.
Belle et Bonne: What a shame! You should have come with us. It was fun.
The VeloDrone: But interactive, I'll be bound.
Le Bon David: Yes, yes, but in a most delightful way. In any case, we made sure to sit well back from the front and in the very middle of a row.
Marie: You would have enjoyed it. The boy had tape over his mouth, so he had to interact with the audience without speaking. He got people to do all sorts of funny things, like fighting with tape measures, and staple guns, bull fighting, pretending to be a horse, and popping balloons with drawing pin studded gloves. He even got a pretty girl to dance Swan Lake, in a tutu, and kiss someone.
Belle et Bonne; Yes, I wished I'd sat nearer the front so he might have picked me. I would have loved to dance Swan Lake and be kissed by a stranger who was handcuffed to me.
Le Bon David: Well, I was glad I didn't get picked to do anything hard. Nevertheless, we all finished up on the stage at the end, laughing and clapping and hitting red balloons into the air.
The VeloDrone: Really? Perhaps I would have enjoyed it after all. As it is, I am wet and I may be catching a cold. Achoo! Which is unfortunate because we are going to be performing in a few minutes.
Belle et Bonne: Candide on Wheels? Oh hurrah! I'll get to do my scene!
The VeloDrone: Yes. I have been talking to the Nothing is Really Difficult Dutchmen. They have agreed to let us use their wooden box.
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