The Team Philosophe riders are waiting for their turn in the time trials. They have mixed feelings about racing through Bordeaux.
The VeloDrone: What a crime to ride past all those wineries without stopping!
Le Bon David: After all the wine we drank last night? I don't think so!
Jean Paul Sartre: When's our turn?
The VeloDrone: David's next! He's the slowest.
Le Bon David: Here I go! Wheeeee! Wish me luck!
Jean Paul Sartre: Existentialists don't wish people luck.
The VeloDrone: Oh, put a cork in it, Jean Paul! Good luck David!
Jean Paul Sartre: That wasn't to say that I didn't hope he would do well.
The VeloDrone: Hmm.
Jean Paul Sartre: Everyone always misunderstands me.
The VeloDrone: Stop feeling sorry for yourself. To be misunderstood is perfectly normal.
Jean Paul Sartre: My father died when I was fifteen months old.
The VeloDrone: So what?
Jean Paul Sartre: I was raised by my mother and grandfather. Oh, how I loved my mother. Then, when I was twelve, she married again. My step-father bullied me.
The VeloDrone: Poor little Jean Paul! Oh look. You've missed your call! Now what will you do?
Jean Paul Sartre: It wasn't my fault. I shall go and complain!
Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts
Showing posts with label luck. Show all posts
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Insect Adventures
Last night I was watching Tess of the D'Urbervilles on the television. My daughter was sitting on the floor at my feet and I was plaiting her hair. It was supposed to look like Tess's hair but I had done it wrong. I know what's wrong, I said. Tess has two plaits, one on each side of her head. Oh, said my daughter, so she does.
Just then a large ant emerged from under a table and meandered over the carpet towards us. It became disoriented by a cable but recovered its sense of direction and continued to approach. It probably would have passed us by without incident, but Tess of the D'Urbervilles builds up a certain amount of resentment in a person. Why does she have such rotten luck when she's so pretty? Why are all the men so horrid to her when she's so good? I therefore reached down and with the forefinger of my left hand crushed the ant to death. O mother! said my daughter. It was heading towards my bedroom, I said lamely.
This morning I was in the city with my daughter, helping her shop for clothes for her new job. We went into a ritzy-looking shop in Rundle Street called Lisa Ho. Look at this, said my daughter, pointing to an interesting decorative feature on a dress in one of the racks. How unusual it was, a little grey-brown moth embroidered on the left shoulder. Then we realised that it looked too much like a real moth. No, said my daughter, it couldn't be. But when I poked it, it fluttered to the floor and landed near the open doorway of the shop. Where is it? I asked, because I couldn't see it then. I hoped I hadn't killed by mistake. It's there by the door, said my daughter. I was glad. I bent down and shooed it into the street.
Just then a large ant emerged from under a table and meandered over the carpet towards us. It became disoriented by a cable but recovered its sense of direction and continued to approach. It probably would have passed us by without incident, but Tess of the D'Urbervilles builds up a certain amount of resentment in a person. Why does she have such rotten luck when she's so pretty? Why are all the men so horrid to her when she's so good? I therefore reached down and with the forefinger of my left hand crushed the ant to death. O mother! said my daughter. It was heading towards my bedroom, I said lamely.
This morning I was in the city with my daughter, helping her shop for clothes for her new job. We went into a ritzy-looking shop in Rundle Street called Lisa Ho. Look at this, said my daughter, pointing to an interesting decorative feature on a dress in one of the racks. How unusual it was, a little grey-brown moth embroidered on the left shoulder. Then we realised that it looked too much like a real moth. No, said my daughter, it couldn't be. But when I poked it, it fluttered to the floor and landed near the open doorway of the shop. Where is it? I asked, because I couldn't see it then. I hoped I hadn't killed by mistake. It's there by the door, said my daughter. I was glad. I bent down and shooed it into the street.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Lucky
I was at Li Feng's this morning. She was telling me about the cats that come to her kitchen door every morning and evening. There are four of them now. A white one, a black one, a yellow one and a gold one.
Three of the cats will eat anything she gives them. Rice or soup or vegetables. The fourth, the gold one, will only eat salmon and chicken breast fillet. He very fuss, she said.
This one sleeps on top of the shed at night. One night her husband went to the shed to get something and the cat tapped him on the head. This was because her husband had made a noise and woken up the cat, which wanted to sleep. The same thing had happened to her once, she said. It proved that this cat is clever.
It costs her fifty dollars a month to feed the cats. I wanted to know why she continued to feed them. Some people say a cat or dog come to your door is lucky, she said. Lucky cat, lucky dog, I don't know.
Your cats are lucky, I said.
Three of the cats will eat anything she gives them. Rice or soup or vegetables. The fourth, the gold one, will only eat salmon and chicken breast fillet. He very fuss, she said.
This one sleeps on top of the shed at night. One night her husband went to the shed to get something and the cat tapped him on the head. This was because her husband had made a noise and woken up the cat, which wanted to sleep. The same thing had happened to her once, she said. It proved that this cat is clever.
It costs her fifty dollars a month to feed the cats. I wanted to know why she continued to feed them. Some people say a cat or dog come to your door is lucky, she said. Lucky cat, lucky dog, I don't know.
Your cats are lucky, I said.
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Fortiter araneulas frango
Pliny says No No No to the grapes motto. He thinks I should try 'I am bold when it comes to killing small spiders'.
He says he knows it to be true. He has seen me do it with his own eyes. He says that if it would not spoil the motto, which it would, I ought to make it medium sized spiders.
I ask him why. He says that he has seen me let small spiders live, when they are in the bath or on a page of a book I'm reading. I was unaware that he observed me so closely. He is right though. Small spiders are money spiders and to kill them is bad luck.
I want him to help me with the Latin. He says he won't but he will give me some helpful advice. Don't translate it literally, try for brevity and succinctness.
Let's try the literal. Sum audax dum venit frangere parvas araneas. Yes that does sound rather clunky.
How about 'Boldly I crush small spiders'. Fortiter frango araneas parvas.
That's still too long, says Pliny. You can make it shorter. Use the diminutive.
O clever!
Fortiter frango araneulas! Boldly I crush wee spids.
But Pliny's right. I don't. Just mid-size ones. There's a fundamental problem with this motto.
He says he knows it to be true. He has seen me do it with his own eyes. He says that if it would not spoil the motto, which it would, I ought to make it medium sized spiders.
I ask him why. He says that he has seen me let small spiders live, when they are in the bath or on a page of a book I'm reading. I was unaware that he observed me so closely. He is right though. Small spiders are money spiders and to kill them is bad luck.
I want him to help me with the Latin. He says he won't but he will give me some helpful advice. Don't translate it literally, try for brevity and succinctness.
Let's try the literal. Sum audax dum venit frangere parvas araneas. Yes that does sound rather clunky.
How about 'Boldly I crush small spiders'. Fortiter frango araneas parvas.
That's still too long, says Pliny. You can make it shorter. Use the diminutive.
O clever!
Fortiter frango araneulas! Boldly I crush wee spids.
But Pliny's right. I don't. Just mid-size ones. There's a fundamental problem with this motto.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
No Green Stars in the Buddha's Sky
The Buddha is not pleased by my statement that he sounds like me. He asks me to consider whether or not I may be dreaming. I concede that I may well be dreaming, and then I ask him if he might consider the same thing. But again he is not pleased and I feel the need to atone for my rudeness.
How may I atone for my rudeness, Lord Buddha?
It will take a thousand years of repeating sutras.
Is there anything I could do to speed things up?
Let me think. Yes. I shall set you a task, a quest. The quest will be a fitting one. You must find out why there are no green stars in the sky.
Yes, Lord Buddha, thank you Lord Buddha. I will find out why there are no green stars in the sky.
And then you must let me know.
Yes, Lord Buddha. I will let you know. Do you not know?
Of course I know.
Then may I have a clue?
It is to do with the temperatures of the stars and the wavelength at which they emit most of their light. It is also to do with........but you are a sly one! tricking me into telling you the answers myself. Be off with you, and no more questions.
Just one?
What is it?
Am I allowed to use Google?
Certainly. Good luck though. You will find a great deal of confusion on the subject there.
How may I atone for my rudeness, Lord Buddha?
It will take a thousand years of repeating sutras.
Is there anything I could do to speed things up?
Let me think. Yes. I shall set you a task, a quest. The quest will be a fitting one. You must find out why there are no green stars in the sky.
Yes, Lord Buddha, thank you Lord Buddha. I will find out why there are no green stars in the sky.
And then you must let me know.
Yes, Lord Buddha. I will let you know. Do you not know?
Of course I know.
Then may I have a clue?
It is to do with the temperatures of the stars and the wavelength at which they emit most of their light. It is also to do with........but you are a sly one! tricking me into telling you the answers myself. Be off with you, and no more questions.
Just one?
What is it?
Am I allowed to use Google?
Certainly. Good luck though. You will find a great deal of confusion on the subject there.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
