Little did Alfred Lord Tennyson know that this would happen.
His son Hallam would become the Governor of South Australia in 1899.
Alfred did not know this because he died earlier, in 1892.
Back to Hallam.
Hallam was named after Alfred Lord Tennyson's friend Arthur Hallam, who died even earlier.
Alfred Lord Tennyson wrote a poem about the death of his friend. He called it In Memoriam.
But, back to Hallam.
Hallam, as Governor of South Australia, had a beach named after him.
The beach, probably to his chagrin, was called Tennyson, not Hallam.
This afternoon, as I was walking along the beach at Tennyson, I thought of Alfred Lord Tennyson's poem In Memoriam, for two reasons.
One, because the name of the beach was Tennyson.
Two, because the sound of the sea was mournful, dragging and repetitive, as the tonal effect of In Memoriam is reputed to be.
I have not read it, or if I have, I have forgotten.
This is a prologue. Tomorrow I will write more about Tennyson.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Disconcerting
I don't think there'll be too many people at this one, said my mum.
Oh I don't know, Niki Vasilakis has been on television, I said. It depends, I added, trying not to be too argumentative.
We took a long time over lunch and arrived at the Elder Hall right on one o'clock.
There were hardly any seats left. We had to sit on the front row at the extreme left, up against the wall.
From there Niki Vasilakis was visible only through the oblique railings of the steps that led up to the stage.
The musical notes of the Kodaly and the Ravel flew by us sideways, hit the back of the hall and bounced back to our ears on the front row so that we were the last to hear them.
Directly in front of me on the stage was a big black shiny piano, which was not being played. As the violin cried out with a heart-rending mournful sound I realised that should the piano move towards me in a straight line and continue to do so after reaching the edge of the stage, that is, move towards me over the gap at a height of about one metre off the floor, I would be pronged in the neck by three golden piano pedals.
Did you manage to see her dress? asked my mum, when it was over.
Well..... yes, I answered, trying not to give the impression it had been easy.
Perhaps it was my eyes, she said, but did you think it looked like that famous French painting? Of course it was difficult to tell because of the angle. It was cut in two by the seam.
You may be right, I said, but I didn't think so.
Oh I don't know, Niki Vasilakis has been on television, I said. It depends, I added, trying not to be too argumentative.
We took a long time over lunch and arrived at the Elder Hall right on one o'clock.
There were hardly any seats left. We had to sit on the front row at the extreme left, up against the wall.
From there Niki Vasilakis was visible only through the oblique railings of the steps that led up to the stage.
The musical notes of the Kodaly and the Ravel flew by us sideways, hit the back of the hall and bounced back to our ears on the front row so that we were the last to hear them.
Directly in front of me on the stage was a big black shiny piano, which was not being played. As the violin cried out with a heart-rending mournful sound I realised that should the piano move towards me in a straight line and continue to do so after reaching the edge of the stage, that is, move towards me over the gap at a height of about one metre off the floor, I would be pronged in the neck by three golden piano pedals.
Did you manage to see her dress? asked my mum, when it was over.
Well..... yes, I answered, trying not to give the impression it had been easy.
Perhaps it was my eyes, she said, but did you think it looked like that famous French painting? Of course it was difficult to tell because of the angle. It was cut in two by the seam.
You may be right, I said, but I didn't think so.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Intellectual Curiosity
Belle et Bonne had not quite told the truth, a fact she instantly regretted on seeing the faces of the editors lit up with intellectual curiosity. She did not understand Einstein's formula at all. It began with BB, which was what her best friends called her, and somehow this had given her the confidence to make the boastful claim.
Enlighten us, dear Belle et Bonne, said The VeloDrone.
Yes, do, echoed Le Bon David.
Oh, said Belle et Bonne airily, tapping her fingers on the keyboard so lightly that her interlocutors failed to notice. Well.... BB, that's BBcode, which is used for formatting messages, and PGG, that would refer to the Program Generator Generator, which generates specialised versions of programs from known inputs. M is obviously the message itself. So you see, Papa, and David, it's all about programming and generating messages.
Good heavens! said The VeloDrone. You mean it's not about bicycles at all!
Oh yes, Papa, it's about bicycles as well. But that's just the superficial meaning.
Le Bon David looked somewhat unconvinced. What about the zero? Why does everything end up equalling nought?
Ah, said Belle et Bonne, thinking quickly. It isn't a zero, it's a pictogram. It's a representation of a person's head with nothing in it. You see Einstein's formula is a work in progress, and he hasn't completed it yet.
Alright, said The VeloDrone, trying hard to keep up with his clever daughter. What are the equal signs supposed to represent? Are you going to tell me that they aren't equal signs but sets of grinning pictograms?
Well done Papa! That's one way of seeing them, and a good one! But .....
(Belle et Bonne tapped surreptitiously on the keyboard)
.....perhaps you didn't know that the equal sign was only invented in the 16th century, and before that mathematicians used 'ae' as a shortened form of 'aequalis', which is the Latin word for equal, but also.....
Also the initials of Albert Einstein! cried Le Bon David, in admiration. O brilliant ! And you are brilliant too, dear Belle et Bonne, for understanding it, and explaining it so clearly to two foolish old men......
Speak for yourself , David, said The VeloDrone. She is her father's daughter.
I thought you said she was adopted? said Le Bon David sharply.
Enlighten us, dear Belle et Bonne, said The VeloDrone.
Yes, do, echoed Le Bon David.
Oh, said Belle et Bonne airily, tapping her fingers on the keyboard so lightly that her interlocutors failed to notice. Well.... BB, that's BBcode, which is used for formatting messages, and PGG, that would refer to the Program Generator Generator, which generates specialised versions of programs from known inputs. M is obviously the message itself. So you see, Papa, and David, it's all about programming and generating messages.
Good heavens! said The VeloDrone. You mean it's not about bicycles at all!
Oh yes, Papa, it's about bicycles as well. But that's just the superficial meaning.
Le Bon David looked somewhat unconvinced. What about the zero? Why does everything end up equalling nought?
Ah, said Belle et Bonne, thinking quickly. It isn't a zero, it's a pictogram. It's a representation of a person's head with nothing in it. You see Einstein's formula is a work in progress, and he hasn't completed it yet.
Alright, said The VeloDrone, trying hard to keep up with his clever daughter. What are the equal signs supposed to represent? Are you going to tell me that they aren't equal signs but sets of grinning pictograms?
Well done Papa! That's one way of seeing them, and a good one! But .....
(Belle et Bonne tapped surreptitiously on the keyboard)
.....perhaps you didn't know that the equal sign was only invented in the 16th century, and before that mathematicians used 'ae' as a shortened form of 'aequalis', which is the Latin word for equal, but also.....
Also the initials of Albert Einstein! cried Le Bon David, in admiration. O brilliant ! And you are brilliant too, dear Belle et Bonne, for understanding it, and explaining it so clearly to two foolish old men......
Speak for yourself , David, said The VeloDrone. She is her father's daughter.
I thought you said she was adopted? said Le Bon David sharply.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Oh Damn
The VeloDrone looked across at Le Bon David and grimaced. We're in trouble, he mouthed silently.
Rubble? Le Bon David mouthed back at him, puzzled.
Belle et Bonne gave a sudden whoop. He's answered ! Einstein's answered!
That was fast, said Le Bon David, admiringly.
It was, said The VeloDrone. Einstein must spend all his time sitting in front of his computer.
Don't be silly Papa, said Belle et Bonne. He'll have an iphone.
Hee hee, laughed The VeloDrone. Einstein has an iphone !
Belle et Bonne shook her head.
Don't you want to know what he said?
No I don't, said The VeloDrone.
Yes we do, said Le Bon David. Please read it to us, Belle.
Belle et Bonne read:
Thank you, my dear young person, for your enquiries. I assume that you ARE a young person. Only a young person would be so direct in the circumstances.
(See, Papa? said Belle et Bonne. Read on, said her papa.)
I must admit that I had not seen the humour in my submission until you pointed it out. However I do see it now. I am encouraged by your revelation that the editors themselves were cackling over it. Therefore I wish to inform you that I would like the article to be published in its entirety, with no corrections other than the possible omission of the words Oh damn! I am of the opinion that this expression may be seen to be too rude. I am happy to defer to your judgement in the matter.
Yours, Albert EEEEEEEE.
PS I'll wager YOU understood my formula !
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David looked at one another, and then at Belle et Bonne.
Well, done, my angel, said the VeloDrone. You have well and truly got us out of a spot.
Indeed you have, you clever girl, said Le Bon David. And did you understand his formula?
Of course I did, said Belle et Bonne.
Rubble? Le Bon David mouthed back at him, puzzled.
Belle et Bonne gave a sudden whoop. He's answered ! Einstein's answered!
That was fast, said Le Bon David, admiringly.
It was, said The VeloDrone. Einstein must spend all his time sitting in front of his computer.
Don't be silly Papa, said Belle et Bonne. He'll have an iphone.
Hee hee, laughed The VeloDrone. Einstein has an iphone !
Belle et Bonne shook her head.
Don't you want to know what he said?
No I don't, said The VeloDrone.
Yes we do, said Le Bon David. Please read it to us, Belle.
Belle et Bonne read:
Thank you, my dear young person, for your enquiries. I assume that you ARE a young person. Only a young person would be so direct in the circumstances.
(See, Papa? said Belle et Bonne. Read on, said her papa.)
I must admit that I had not seen the humour in my submission until you pointed it out. However I do see it now. I am encouraged by your revelation that the editors themselves were cackling over it. Therefore I wish to inform you that I would like the article to be published in its entirety, with no corrections other than the possible omission of the words Oh damn! I am of the opinion that this expression may be seen to be too rude. I am happy to defer to your judgement in the matter.
Yours, Albert EEEEEEEE.
PS I'll wager YOU understood my formula !
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David looked at one another, and then at Belle et Bonne.
Well, done, my angel, said the VeloDrone. You have well and truly got us out of a spot.
Indeed you have, you clever girl, said Le Bon David. And did you understand his formula?
Of course I did, said Belle et Bonne.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The Personal Assistant
Belle et Bonne looked up from reading Einstein's email.
This is funny, she said.
We know, said The VeloDrone, but is it supposed to be? That's what we want you to find out.
Leave it to me, Papa, said Belle et Bonne.
She began to type:
Dear Mr Einstein,
As you are aware, your recent submission to our magazine Velosophy is full of hilarious typos. The editors have not stopped cackling all morning. However, as their Personal Assistant, I am taking it upon myself to check certain matters with you before we go to publication. I ask you therefore to re-read your article and answer the following questions:
1.) Your working formula currently reads BB=PGG=M=0. Is this correct? Did you mean it to read B=PG=M=0 ?
2.) Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence which reads: Of course I do not expect the general community to understaaaand it.
3.) Please confirm the spelling of understaaaand, if the sentence is to be included.
4.) Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence Oh damn!
5.)Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence which reads: Thee bacspac butto is stuc ag!!!! has a min of its own.
6.) Please confirm the spelling of the following words: Thee, backspac, butto, stuc, ag, min, if the sentence is to be included.
7.)Please confirm that you wished to sign the article: AEEEEEEEE
I await your earliest reply,
Yours faithfully,
Belle et Bonne
Personal Assistant to The Editors
There, said Belle et Bonne. That should do it.
Steady on, my dear, said The VeloDrone. It's a bit....direct, isn't it?
Course it is, said Belle et Bonne, pressing the send button.
This is funny, she said.
We know, said The VeloDrone, but is it supposed to be? That's what we want you to find out.
Leave it to me, Papa, said Belle et Bonne.
She began to type:
Dear Mr Einstein,
As you are aware, your recent submission to our magazine Velosophy is full of hilarious typos. The editors have not stopped cackling all morning. However, as their Personal Assistant, I am taking it upon myself to check certain matters with you before we go to publication. I ask you therefore to re-read your article and answer the following questions:
1.) Your working formula currently reads BB=PGG=M=0. Is this correct? Did you mean it to read B=PG=M=0 ?
2.) Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence which reads: Of course I do not expect the general community to understaaaand it.
3.) Please confirm the spelling of understaaaand, if the sentence is to be included.
4.) Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence Oh damn!
5.)Please confirm the inclusion of the sentence which reads: Thee bacspac butto is stuc ag!!!! has a min of its own.
6.) Please confirm the spelling of the following words: Thee, backspac, butto, stuc, ag, min, if the sentence is to be included.
7.)Please confirm that you wished to sign the article: AEEEEEEEE
I await your earliest reply,
Yours faithfully,
Belle et Bonne
Personal Assistant to The Editors
There, said Belle et Bonne. That should do it.
Steady on, my dear, said The VeloDrone. It's a bit....direct, isn't it?
Course it is, said Belle et Bonne, pressing the send button.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Belle et Bonne
What we need, said Le Bon David slowly, is a third party to write to him asking if he wants to make any revisions.
Of course! A third party! cried The VeloDrone. Then he won't twig that we don't get it. He'll think it's the third party. And I know exactly who we can ask.
Who? asked Le Bon David. We're the only two people here.
Our new personal assistant, replied The VeloDrone. My adopted daughter Belle et Bonne is back in town. I'll ask her to do it for us.
Belle et Bonne? Le Bon David looked bemused. Why's she called that?
It's just a pet name that she has, because she's beautiful and good.
I didn't even know you had an adopted daughter, continued Le Bon David, wonderingly. You never mentioned her before.
A long story, David. Don't worry, it's all perfectly above board. But never mind that now. I'll just give her a quick call.
Belle at Bonne answered at once.
Who is it?
Me. Your dear papa! Belle et Bonne, can you come to the office immediately. David and I need your assistance with an urgent task. We want you to act as a third party and write a letter to Albert Einstein, on our behalf. Will you do it?
But of course, dear Papa. I'll come right away, even though I am busy writing job applications.
Thank you my dear, you are as good as you are beautiful.
I know, Papa. See you in a few minutes!
A few minutes later there was a knock at the door. Le Bon David was there before The VeloDrone had time to get out of his chair.
My dear! You must be Belle et Bonne! Let me introduce myself. I am your papa's good friend and fellow editor of Velosophy, Le Bon David.
Pleased to meet you, Le Bon David. May I call you David? We seem to have a name in common.
Ah yes! The French! said Le Bon David. They are very quick to recognise a person's better qualities, I find.
They are also masters of irony, snapped The VeloDrone. Though not in your case my dear, he added hastily, to Belle et Bonne.
Hello Papa! Give me a kiss! And another! Now what can I do for you two gentlemen today?
Of course! A third party! cried The VeloDrone. Then he won't twig that we don't get it. He'll think it's the third party. And I know exactly who we can ask.
Who? asked Le Bon David. We're the only two people here.
Our new personal assistant, replied The VeloDrone. My adopted daughter Belle et Bonne is back in town. I'll ask her to do it for us.
Belle et Bonne? Le Bon David looked bemused. Why's she called that?
It's just a pet name that she has, because she's beautiful and good.
I didn't even know you had an adopted daughter, continued Le Bon David, wonderingly. You never mentioned her before.
A long story, David. Don't worry, it's all perfectly above board. But never mind that now. I'll just give her a quick call.
Belle at Bonne answered at once.
Who is it?
Me. Your dear papa! Belle et Bonne, can you come to the office immediately. David and I need your assistance with an urgent task. We want you to act as a third party and write a letter to Albert Einstein, on our behalf. Will you do it?
But of course, dear Papa. I'll come right away, even though I am busy writing job applications.
Thank you my dear, you are as good as you are beautiful.
I know, Papa. See you in a few minutes!
A few minutes later there was a knock at the door. Le Bon David was there before The VeloDrone had time to get out of his chair.
My dear! You must be Belle et Bonne! Let me introduce myself. I am your papa's good friend and fellow editor of Velosophy, Le Bon David.
Pleased to meet you, Le Bon David. May I call you David? We seem to have a name in common.
Ah yes! The French! said Le Bon David. They are very quick to recognise a person's better qualities, I find.
They are also masters of irony, snapped The VeloDrone. Though not in your case my dear, he added hastily, to Belle et Bonne.
Hello Papa! Give me a kiss! And another! Now what can I do for you two gentlemen today?
Saturday, May 1, 2010
A Mind of its Own
Well, what do you make of that, Vello? asked Le Bon David, when they had finished reading Einstein's submission.
I think, said The VeloDrone thoughtfully, that it's fine until he gets to his working formula. I didn't understand that at all. Did you?
No, not at all, said Le Bon David. Why does he call the bicycle BB for example? Is it because there are two of them? At least in theory. His own and the lady's.
Possibly. The VeloDrone looked doubtful. The thing is David, you have to remember his backspace button isn't working. He may have only meant to type one letter B.
Oh dear. I hadn't thought of that. Do we dare ask him to clarify it?
That would be rather embarrassing. In his eyes it would place us amongst the general community that he doesn't expect to understand it.
But we don't understand it, Vello. Look at the formula. "BB = PGG=M=0". He says P and G are what we think they are. What do we think they are? And how many Gs are there really supposed to be?
Let's look at this analytically, David. What do we know? Firstly his backspace button isn't working. Ironic really, for the great Einstein, don't you think? Secondly. The nature of the problem with the backspace button is not quite as straightforward as it seems.
What do you mean, Vello?
I mean, David, that sometimes he types an extra letter and the backspace button won't let him go back and delete it. That's easy enough to understand. But why then doesn't he use his left arrow key to go back to the space before the extra letter and simply use his delete button?
Perhaps that isn't working either.
How likely is that? But there is a third thing. Remember how he ended off? Thee backspac butto is stuc . That would seem to me to indicate the backspace button is working. It's going back and deleting the last letters of certain words. Now my question is: Does the backspace button have a mind of it's own?
He says it does.
Yes but I think we can discount that. No, it's my opinion, now that I've analysed the evidence, that AlbertE is having a little joke with us. The question is, what are we going to do about it?
I think, said The VeloDrone thoughtfully, that it's fine until he gets to his working formula. I didn't understand that at all. Did you?
No, not at all, said Le Bon David. Why does he call the bicycle BB for example? Is it because there are two of them? At least in theory. His own and the lady's.
Possibly. The VeloDrone looked doubtful. The thing is David, you have to remember his backspace button isn't working. He may have only meant to type one letter B.
Oh dear. I hadn't thought of that. Do we dare ask him to clarify it?
That would be rather embarrassing. In his eyes it would place us amongst the general community that he doesn't expect to understand it.
But we don't understand it, Vello. Look at the formula. "BB = PGG=M=0". He says P and G are what we think they are. What do we think they are? And how many Gs are there really supposed to be?
Let's look at this analytically, David. What do we know? Firstly his backspace button isn't working. Ironic really, for the great Einstein, don't you think? Secondly. The nature of the problem with the backspace button is not quite as straightforward as it seems.
What do you mean, Vello?
I mean, David, that sometimes he types an extra letter and the backspace button won't let him go back and delete it. That's easy enough to understand. But why then doesn't he use his left arrow key to go back to the space before the extra letter and simply use his delete button?
Perhaps that isn't working either.
How likely is that? But there is a third thing. Remember how he ended off? Thee backspac butto is stuc . That would seem to me to indicate the backspace button is working. It's going back and deleting the last letters of certain words. Now my question is: Does the backspace button have a mind of it's own?
He says it does.
Yes but I think we can discount that. No, it's my opinion, now that I've analysed the evidence, that AlbertE is having a little joke with us. The question is, what are we going to do about it?
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