Out Of The Box And Not Guilty

Hours and hours later, Arthur, Bunny and Nikolaos get off the bus in Pamukkale.

Bunny is carrying a box, from which complaints are emitted at regular intervals by Ageless.

Ahh! says Nikolaos. The beauteous white cliffs of Pamukkale! I have long wanted to come here.

So have I, grumbles Ageless, thumping the lid of his box. At least 48 hours. LET ME OUT!

Not yet, says Bunny. Nearly there. We have to find Gaius and Katherine. I know where they're staying.

She finds the hotel, and calls Katherine.

Katherine. It's us! Come downstairs!

Katherine hurries downstairs to the lobby.

My dears! says Katherine. How wonderful to see you! And who is... why, it's Saint Nicholas! It's two years since I saw you. Why on earth are you dressed as a fisherman?

A long story, says Nikolaos. When I learned my young companions had stolen a boat, I came along to protect them, but naturally incognito.......

Stolen a boat! says Katherine, looking sharply at Arthur.

Not really, says Bunny. Not stolen. And now the Polis have reclaimed it, so that's alright.

Katherine smiles. And what have we here in the box? she says. I suppose it's the Twitcher?

Not exactly, says Bunny.

It's ME, Ageless Lobster! cries Ageless. Let me out!

Bunny opens the box. Ageless steps out.

He is resplendent, if a little smelly, and quite a lot larger.

Where is Baby Pierre? mutters Ageless. I want his advice.

Baby Pierre is down at the calcium pools soaking in the hot springs, says Katherine. He has made some new friends. He chose not to go with Gaius to Hieropolis. So did I. It's pleasant here, and good for my feet.

How are your feet? asks Bunny.

Katherine kicks off her shoes, and shows off her much improved feet.

Arthur and Nikolaos look elsewhere.

Katherine puts her shoes on.

How lovely this is, says Katherine. Let's put your things upstairs in my room, then we'll go and find Baby Pierre. Nikolaos, you must come too. And you, Ageless, you may wait here.

They all go upstairs, except Ageless, who has no intention of waiting there.

He heads off in the direction of the calcified pools, to find Baby Pierre.

On the way, he thinks briefly of the Twitcher.

Twitcher wouldn't have liked it in Pamukkale.

He's much better off where he is.

No, no.  Ageless has no reason to feel guilty.....

Solve All Our Problems

Arthur and Bunny walk down to the harbour. Nikolaos is not on the boat.

He must have left already, says Bunny.

Arthur sees something glinting on the deck. A gold coin. And another. He picks them up and shoves them into his pocket.

Let's explore Kas, says Bunny. Before Ageless gets here.

They wander off to explore Kas. The King's Tomb. The Cistern. The Ancient Theatre.

That done, they go back to their hotel.

There is a large wet box sitting on the desk at reception, labelled BUNNY, Hotel Kayahon.

That'll be him, mutters Bunny, poking the box.

Let me out, grates a voice that could only be Ageless.

Let's wait a bit, says Arthur. Let's have lunch first.

They go up to the rooftop cafe to have lunch.

Who should be there?

Nikolaos!

Hello, says Bunny. What's up?

We have to leave town, says Nikolaos. I have been arrested and imprisoned for stealing a boat.

We? says Bunny. Wait a minute. You aren't imprisoned.

Who am I? says Nikolaos.

Oh, yes of course. Saint Nicholas. So you did some self- whisking, says Bunny.

I prefer not to call it that, says Nikolaos, but yes. However, you are in danger. The Polis know you are here.
I suggest you don't wait for your cuttlefish, but pack up at once and escape.

We don't need to wait for the cuttlefish, says Arthur. It's dead.

All the better, says Nikolaos.

Yes, says Bunny, but now we're stuck with a lobster, newly moulted, downstairs.

Lobster? says Nikolaos. Am I missing something? Is it your lunch?

If only, says Bunny. It's our travelling companion, turned up like a bad penny.

Very good, says Nikolaos. So where shall the four of us go?

Pamukkale, says Arthur decisively. That will solve all our problems.

Bunny wonders how.

Piracy, Death, Substitution

In the early hours of the morning Saint Nicholas wakes. Where is he? Ah yes, on the deck of a boat that was stolen by those youngsters Arthur and Bunny. My goodness, they must be no more than seventeen. One of them wanted a bicycle. The other one didn't. Very strange. And why were they waiting for a cuttlefish? And didn't want any help. Most disappointing. Ooh, it does feel uncomfortable. He adjusts his hessian sack. Two gold coins roll out. There is a sound of scuffling. The Turkish water Polis have arrived. Saint Nicholas is arrested for piracy on the high seas, and taken away.

...........

Arthur and Bunny wake early. It is a beautiful morning. They go down to the beach.

We shouldn't have had cuttlefish stew last night , says Bunny. What were we thinking?

Yes, agrees Arthur. It was indigestible.

Not just that, says Bunny. Think of the Twitcher.

Arthur thinks of the Twitcher. He hopes he is dead.

I think we should call up the Dubai Aquarium, says Bunny. And just see how he is.

She calls the number she has for Jamila.

........

Hello, says Jamila.

Hello Jamila, says Bunny. How is the Twitcher?

Err......, says Jamila. I have some bad news.

He's dead, says Bunny. I knew it.

We are really most awfully sorry, says Jamila. He was so active at first.

It doesn't matter, says Bunny. I'll get a refund from the courier.

Ah, as to that, says Jamila. How would you feel about the lobster taking his place?

Ageless? says Bunny, making a face at Arthur. Oh god. I suppose.

Thank goodness, says Jamila. I mean that is most generous. The lobster has recently moulted, and has started to become.....

Unbearable, says Bunny. Don't tell me, I know. Alright. We'll expect him in Kas at the end of the week.

Actually, says Jamila. He should be arriving today.

The Sleep Of The Innocent

Everyone knows that Nikolaos can't whisk the boat back.

They sail into the harbour in Kas. It is late but the bars are still open.

They go into a bar, order drinks, and cuttlefish stew.

Nikolaos goes into the toilet.

He's so weird, says Bunny. How are we going to get rid of him?

I don't know, says Arthur. Send him up to Gaius. They'd get on well.

Yeah, says Bunny. Two weird old guys.

Nikolaos comes back.

Where are we staying? he asks.

We're staying in a hotel, says Bunny. But...

You can sleep on the boat, says Arthur. But first, eat your cuttlefish stew.

My stew, says Nikolaos. Yes. Now what was I thinking in there?......I know! When is your Giant Cuttlefish due?

At the end of the week, says Bunny. He's coming by courier. Unless he turns out to have died. That'll save me some money.

Save us some money, says Arthur.

Yes, save us some money, says Bunny.

Money I could use for a bike, says Arthur.

You don't need a bike, says Bunny.

You want a bike? asks Nikolaos. I can get you a bike. What colour bike would you like?

Irrelevant, says Arthur. I need one I can ride in the Tour.

Arthur, says Bunny. You're not thinking of going in the Tour?

Yes I am, says Arthur. I was in it last year.

But we're on holiday, says Bunny.

You want him to stay? asks Nikolaos.

Stop interfering, says Bunny.

Nikolaos stops interfering. He finishes his stew, picks up his hessian sack, and walks out of the bar, heading down to the harbour.

He intends to sleep the sleep of the innocent, on the deck of the stolen gulet.

Pressure To Perform

Saint Nicholas ducks behind a crumbling stone structure, and emerges seconds later looking different.

He wears fisherman's clothes, and seems to have dispensed with the halo.

He carries a hessian sack.

Call me Nikolaos, says Saint Nicholas. And now, let's be off.

It's dark, says Bunny. perhaps we should wait until dawn.

No, says Arthur.

No, says Nikolaos. You will be fine with me.

They go down to the shore, board their small wooden vessel, and sail off in the direction of Kas.

Tell me what brings you to Turkey, says Nikolaos.

A cuttlefish, says Bunny. Do you think that sounds funny?

Not at all, says Nikolaos. There are many cuttlefish here.

This one is a Great Australian Cuttlefish, says Bunny. And he's currently stuck in Dubai.

I could whisk him here in a flash, says Nikolaos. Would that help?

What is this about whisking? says Arthur. A special talent you have?

I'm surprised you don't know, says Nikolaos. I am a protector of children. I whisk them away out of slavery and back to their mothers.

Obviously not all of them, says Arthur.

No, not all of them says Nikolaos. Miracles don't work like that.

That's true, says Bunny, remembering Lourdes.

What's in the sack? asks Arthur.

Gold coins, says Nikolaos. That's another thing I do.

He leans back against the railing, and nods off like an old man.

Why'd you ask him? whispers Bunny. Did you know about that?

No, says Arthur. That's not why I asked him. I thought he might have some food.

You knew he didn't have food, says Bunny. Remember he asked us if we had any? You shouldn't have asked him.

Did someone say food? says Nikolaos, waking up suddenly.

No, says Arthur. But we'll be in Kas soon. You can eat something there before you take the boat back.

I'm not taking the boat back, says Nikolaos. Is that why you asked me along?

Yes, says Arthur. But it doesn't matter, if you don't want to. I suppose you can just whisk it back.

Nikolaos looks alarmed momentarily.

Yes of course, says Nikolaos. Yes, I can do that.

A Holy Passenger

Saint Nicholas Island is small. Arthur and Bunny go ashore to explore.

The bones of Saint Nicholas are said to be interred in the rocks, reads Arthur, from the book that he took from the reading room.

Is it THE Saint Nicholas? asks Bunny. I didn't know he was Turkish.

Nor did I, says Arthur. Alright, shall we go?

An old man appears from behind an ancient stone ruin. He is frowning.

Not Turkish, Greek, says the man. I am Nikolaos, Bishop of Myra.

Bunny turns around  to look at the old man, who is wearing robes and a halo.

Arthur! says Bunny. It's HIM! It's Saint Nicholas.

Go away, says Saint Nicholas. This is my solitary island. Unless you've brought food.

No we haven't brought food, says Bunny. What do you normally eat?

I like apricots, says Saint Nicholas. Australian ones are the best.

Wow! Are they? says Bunny. My dad always used to buy Turkish.

You're Australian, says Saint Nicholas. I remember the accent.

Yeah, says Bunny. I'm from New South Wales.

Never been there, says Saint Nicholas. Been to Adelaide. I have a friend there. Professor Freud.

I know him, says Bunny. We were at Middleton together.

Paintball? asks Saint Nicholas.

Stick insects, says Arthur. And the Miracle Tent.

Well, well, says Saint Nicholas. Come in you two. We must have a chat about our mutual friend.

Come in? says Bunny. Come in where?

Come around then, says Saint Nicholas. No need to split hairs.

You live in a ruin, says Bunny. Poor you.

Oh, says Saint Nicholas, who needs a roof.......?

......when you have a halo, says Arthur.

Smart lad, says Saint Nicholas. Do sit down.

They all sit down on flat rocks. It is almost dark. There are streaks of red cloud in the sky.

Saint Nicholas looks reflective.

The Ripple and Swirl....he says. Freud treated us all to ice creams. And the twins, what were their names, Emma and Irma?

I know the twins, says Arthur. I met them in Alice Springs.

Small world, says Saint Nicholas. Where are you two off to? Is that your boat?

Back to Kas, says Bunny, and it isn't our boat. We just kind of took it.

That's a serious crime, says Saint Nicholas. I suggest you return it at once.

We're returning it to Kas, says Arthur. That's where it came from. The owners are...mathematicians.

Saint Nicholas looks stern. His halo gleams brightly.

Mathematicians or not, says Saint Nicholas. You will get into trouble.

We never get into trouble, says Bunny.

Nevertheless, says Saint Nicholas. My specialty is miraculously whisking young persons from one place to another, as no doubt you have heard.

Neither Arthur nor Bunny have heard.

Here's what I'll do, says Saint Nicholas. Leave the boat here. I'll whisk you back to Kas. But only one at a time. I mustn't overdo it.

Thanks for the offer, says Arthur. But we have to stay together. Would you like to come with us?

I would! says Saint Nicholas. I'll just take a minute to pack.

Escape From Butterfly Valley To St Nicholas Island

When Bunny, Arthur and Steve arrive back at the beach settlement, Chucky is swinging in a hammock, talking to a girl in a bikini, who is smoking something aromatic and home made.

Hi guys! says Chucky. How was the climb?

Awe....amazing, says Steve.

But not fatal, says Arthur. How long are we staying?

A few days, or whatever..., says Chucky.

Yeah... whatever, says the smoking girl, sashaying her hips.

Bunny does not like this girl. And she can hear jet skis. She doesn't like those.

Arthur and I, we're thinking of leaving, says Bunny. We don't like jet skis and stuff. We might head off.

Don't go! says Steve. There are dancing classes. And diving. And romantic nights by the campfire.

O please, says Bunny. Anyway, we have to get back. We're expecting a delivery from Dubai.

Steve and Chucky are not interested in the delivery from Dubai.

Arthur pulls Bunny away. He has seen a sign to the reading room. They go there.

In the reading room Arthur looks at some maps. Bunny looks over his shoulder.

Look Arthur, says Bunny. We're near St Nicholas Island! Let's stop off there.

Stop off! says Arthur. We aren't going anywhere without a boat.

This gives Arthur an idea. Come on Bunny, he says.

Taking the map he and Bunny go down to the shore. It  is sunset. The sky is purple and gold.

They wade out to the wooden yacht that they arrived on with Chucky and Steve, and climb on board.

Arthur weighs anchor and they sail away in the direction of St Nicholas Island.

Wow Arthur, you're good!  says Bunny. I didn't know you could sail.

Neither did I, says Arthur. But it seems fairly easy.

And it is. Soon they arrive at St Nicholas Island, home of old ruined churches and tombs.

It is rumoured to be the burial place of Saint Nicholas. Saint Nicholas likes it that way.

He doesn't like visitors.

But he is about to be rudely disturbed.