Crack Free

 Looks oily, says the Kroombit tinker. When you go back, don't run.

Okay, says Sweetpea.

He replaces the stopper in the olio santa vial and steps out of the little room, slowly.

His feet smell so nice.

He steps forward boldly.

And slides.

Crash! He lands on his little stone bottom.

Ooh! says the Kroombit tinker. Are you all right?

Yes, says Sweetpea, getting up and looking down at his glistening feet.

Maybe it wasn't water, says the Kroombit tinker. I'll look for a towel.

She goes back to the little room.

Sweetpea continues his slow walk back to the Madonna, leaving oily footprints on the mosaic floor.

The Kroombit tinker comes out of the room with a hand towel.

She starts wiping the floor.

And is promptly noticed by a guard.

A frog in the cathedral doing something suspicious!

The guard calls a policeman.

Sweetpea arrives back at the Madonna.

He climbs up to his seat beside her.

You smell better, says the Madonna. But I think you used the wrong water.

I know, says Sweetpea. It was oily. I slipped over and crashed.

I thought I heard heard a noise, says the Madonna. Are you cracked anywhere?

No, says Sweetpea. I landed on my bottom.

Let me see, says the Madonna.

Sweetpea is just showing her his crack-free bottom, when a policeman enters the Cathedral.

Over here, says the guard.

The policeman follows the guard to where the Kroombit tinker is wiping up oily footprints.

I'll leave you to it, says the guard.

The policeman stares hard at the tinker.

What? asks the tinker. It's only a spill. I'm dealing with it.

An Australian frog! says the policeman.

What of it? asks the tinker.

How did you get here? asks the policeman.

On the train from Nice, says the tinker.

The policeman puts two and two together.

You were that frog on the bicycle, says the policeman. The one that won the time trial.

You saw it? asks the tinker.

I did, says the policeman.

Arthur and Nicolo come over.

Victor! says Arthur. Why are you here?

Vittorio to you, says Victor. I'm here on an international officer swap program.

Lucky you, says Arthur. This is Nicolo, my ex-teammate. And this is the tinker.

She shouldn't be here, says Victor.

We know, says Arthur. We're taking her back.

That might not be so simple, says Victor. She has damaged the floor of Florence's largest cathedral.

I'm wiping it up, says the tinker.

You have chipped it, says Victor.

His eagle eye has spotted a chip in the mosaic tiling.

It looks like an old chip, says Nicolo.

But Victor is determined to do the right thing.

The Kroombit tinker must be arrested.

Holy Olio

Come on up, dear, says the Madonna. Sit by me.

Sweetpea climbs up to his usual position

The Madonna sniffs the air. Sniff! What is it?

Do I smell goat's cheese?

No! says Sweetpea. 

I do, says the Madonna. It's very distinctive.

Can I get down again? asks Sweetpea.

All right, says the Madonna.

Sweetpea gets down.

She can smell my feet, whispers Sweetpea.

Own up to what happened, whispers the Kroombit tinker. 

What if I wash them? whispers Sweetpea.

Sweetpea, says the Madonna, I may have poor eyesight but my hearing is perfect.

Oops! says Sweetpea.

If you stepped on some goat's cheese it's hardly your fault, says the Madonna.

Yes, says Sweetpea. 

Is there any water in this cathedral? asks the Kroombit tinker.

There is, says the Madonna. We have special feet-washing water.

Where is it kept? asks the Kroombit tinker.

In that little room over there, says the Madonna. It should be marked 'feet-washing water'.

Sweetpea and I will get it, says the tinker.

Get one of them to go with you, says the Madonna, indicating Arthur and Nicolo who have wandered over the mosaic floor decorations to look at the portrait of Dante Alighieri on one of the walls.

But Sweetpea has already run to the small room, and turned the squeaky door handle.

The Kroombit tinker follows, and they go in.

There are rows of vials of various liquids with labels.

In Italian!

Can you read Italian? asks the tinker.

Only O says Sweetpea.

That's not helpful, says the tinker.

There is lavaggio dei piedi, lavaggio delle mani, aqua santa, olio santa and vino altare.

You choose, says the tinker. But don't choose the red one

No way! says Sweetpea.

He chooses the olio santa ( because of the Os).

Open it, says Sweetpea.

You open it, says the tinker.

Sweetpea pulls out the stopper, and pours holy oil on his feet.

A sweet odour arises.

Good. This is promising.

Joyful Moment

Are we there yet? asks Sweetpea.

Almost, says Nicolo.

How am I looking? asks Sweetpea.

Your nose is still red, says Nicolo.

Your toes look okay, says Arthur.

And you didn't turn yellow or salty, says the Kroombit tinker.

Or bent in the middle. says Sweetpea.

You are bent in the middle, says the Kroombit tinker.

But not like a Pringle, says Sweetpea.

That depends, says the Kroombit tinker.

What on? asks Sweetpea.

On which way up it is, says the Kroombit tinker.

Don't worry about that, says Nicolo. Concentrate on your nose.

I am, says Sweetpea. 

He concentrates on his nose.

Ommmm! Nose, go back to normal......

Omm? says the tinker.

The train arrives at Firenze Central Station. 

Time to get off.

Coming with us? asks Nicolo.

Sure, says Arthur. We may as well see Sweetpea home.

They head for the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore, Sweetpea's home.

It's a short walk from the station.

They stop at the entrance.

Sweetpea can see the Madonna at the far end.

He runs towards her.

Sweetpea! says the Madonna. You're back! What's that on your nose?

I had a red drink, says Sweetpea.

It will fade, says the Madonna. Did you have a nice time?

Everything happened! says Sweetpea. Terence's frog team died.

Except for me, says the Kroombit tinker.

Except for her, says Sweetpea. And she won the time trial, but nobody timed her.

Well done, frog, says the Madonna. It's what happens that matters. Not the recording.

But sometimes, says the Kroombit tinker, it helps to have a written confession.

The Madonna raises an eyebrow.

There was some controversy over the deaths of the pobblebonks, says Nicolo.

Who was responsible? asks the Madonna.

Would you like to read the confession? asks Nicolo.

I would, says the Madonna, but I don't have my glasses. Sweetpea, go and get them They're in that box over there.

Sweetpea brings her the glasses.

She reads the confession.

You confess to an accident? asks the Madonna.

Yes, says Nicolo. The aim is to exonerate both myself and the frog. 

By saying 'These things happen'? says the Madonna.

She clicks her tongue, but decides not to pursue it.

After all, it's a joyful moment.

Her Sweetpea is back.

 

Eaten Up From Inside

Cheater! says Sweetpea, hopping away down the carriage.

The Kroombit tinker decides not to follow.

What's going on? asks Nicolo.

One simple tickle, says the Kroombit tinker.

I wouldn't have thought he'd have felt it, says Nicolo.

With a feather, says the tinker.

Even less so, says Nicolo.

It was to increase his hopping and warm him up more, says the tinker.

A good plan, says Nicolo. Is he on his way back yet?

He's stopped at the far end, says the tinker.

Go and get him, says Nicolo.

What about the ticket inspector? asks the Kroombit tinker.

You're unlikely to see him, says Nicolo. But if you do, just come back. I'll have the Pringles tube ready.

The Kroombit tinker hops down to the far end of the carriage.

I'm sorry, says the tinker.

What for? asks Sweetpea.

The tickle, says the Kroombit tinker.

But look! says Sweetpea. The fungus has gone.

A few passengers look round to see who it was that had fungus.

A sweet little infant with a red nose, and a frog! 

That frog has a fungus! says a passenger.

Merde! says another.

Probably that dreadful chytrid fungus, says a third passenger. It eats them up from inside.

No, it eats them up from outside, says the first passenger.

It stops them respiring, says the second.

They know a lot, says Sweetpea.

They know nothing, says the tinker. Come on.

Sweetpea follows the tinker back to where Nicolo and Arthur are sitting.

I'm fixed! says Sweetpea.

Nicolo looks at Sweetpea's toes.

Bravo! there is no more cheesy fungus infecting those hard little digits.

Arthur leans across to inspect the phenomenon.

But what's happened to the fungus?

Arthur suspects that Sweetpea will have left cheesy hopping footprints all the way down the passage.

In which case.... it's probably best to do nothing.

Sentimental Feather

Can I have your feather? asks Sweetpea.

What feather? says Arthur.

The one stuck to your knife, says Sweetpea.

What for? asks Arthur.

To help me, says Sweetpea.

Okay, says Arthur. 

He takes the cheese knife out of his pocket and detaches the feather.

Here, says Arthur. But I'm expecting it back.

Sure, says Sweetpea.

Why do you want it back? asks Nicolo.

I keep it in my pocket, says Arthur.

Sentimental reasons? asks Nicolo.

Ask the feather, says Arthur. It follows me around.

Nicolo laughs. 

A feather with sentimental reasons. Ha ha! 

Sweetpea waves the feather at the Kroombit tinker.

Now what? asks Sweetpea.

There are one or two things we can try, says the tinker. Give me the feather.

Sweetpea gives her the feather.

Arms up, says the tinker. And start hopping

Sweetpea suspects something. 

Is the tinker going to tickle him with the feather?

And then what? He will wriggle and squirm. 

And probably get hotter. And the cheese will slide off.

But he hates being tickled.

I see that you're hestitant, says the tinker. Don't you like tickles?

Can we try something else first? asks Sweetpea.

Okay, says the tinker. But it would be good if the cheese had got softer.

Just one tickle then, says Sweetpea.

He resumes his hopping dance, with arms up.

He is expecting one tickle.

Hop-hop. Which under-arm will she tickle?

Hop-hop. And when will she do it? 

The Kroombit tinker has hopped behind him, with the feather.

Hop-hop. Where is she now?

Suddenly an exquisite tickling occurs at the back of his knees.

Hop-hop. Hee-hee!

The Kroombit tinker has cheated!

Useless Hopping

Scrape it off anyway, says Sweetpea.

It'll come off by itself, says Arthur.

But how did it get there? asks Sweetpea.

Did you step on it? asks Arthur.

No, I ate it, says Sweetpea.

It must have gone right through you and come out at your toes, says Arthur.

Then I should have red feet, says Sweetpea.

Why? asks Arthur. 

Because of the red drink . But I got a red nose, says Sweetpea.

Liquids must be different, says Arthur. They ooze out much sooner.

Nicolo taps Arthur on the shoulder.

Has he got a fungus? asks Nicolo.

No, says Arthur. Just cheese.

Good, says Nicolo. I'd like to return him in decent condition. Are you scraping it off?

No, says Arthur. I told him it'd come off.

How? asks Nicolo. 

It just will, says Arthur. Everything does in the end.

We haven't got that long, says Nicolo. 

What shall I do? asks Sweetpea.

Dance, says the Kroombit tinker, from inside her tube.

Who said dance? asks Sweetpea.

The frog, says Nicolo. It's a good idea. When you dance you get hotter.

But will Sweetpea get hotter? asks Arthur.

YES! says Sweetpea. I'll get hotter. Then what?

The cheese will slide off, says the Kroombit tinker, coming out of the Pringle tube.

Where shall I dance? asks Sweetpea.

In the aisle, says Arthur. But not in the middle.

Sweetpea jumps down.

He stands in the aisle but not in the middle.

What dance should he do?

Do a hopping dance, says the tinker. I'll show you.

She hops down beside him and starts hopping.

Sweetpea hops too.

The cheese on his toes shows no sign of melting.

Keep hopping, says the tinker.

Sweetpea keeps hopping.

It's useless, says Sweetpea.

You need a knife, says the tinker.

Arthur won't give it to me, says Sweetpea. His knife is stuck up with fluff, dried cheese, and a feather.

Ask for the feather, says the tinker.

Holey Toes

Come out of the tube for a minute, says Sweetpea.

The Kroombit tinker comes out of the tube.

What's a fungus? asks Sweetpea.

You don't want to know, says the tinker.

I do want to know, says Sweetpea. Have a look at my toes.

The Kroombit tinker looks at his toes.

Nice baby toes, says the Kroombit tinker. What about them?

Holes! says Sweetpea.

Ha ha! Holey toes. I can't see them, says the tinker.

Look harder, says Sweetpea.

Oh, yes, says the tinker. 

Will I die? asks Sweetpea.

Not you, says the tinker.

Nicolo's mother died, says Sweetpea.

But not of toe fungus, says the tinker. 

What about cheese fungus? asks Sweetpea.

Probably not of that either, says the Kroombit tinker. And I wasn't that worried. It's just that we frogs are susceptible. 

Am I? asks Sweetpea.

No, says the Kroombit tinker. But if you're concerned, why don't you ask Arthur.

Okay, says Sweetpea.

He stands up in his seat and taps Arthur on the shoulder.

What? says Arthur.

I've got fungus, says Sweetpea. From eating the goat's cheese.

Show me, says Arthur. 

Sweetpea jumps down. But how will he show his fungus to Arthur?

Swap seats with Nicolo, says Arthur.

Sweetpea and Nicolo swap seats.

Sweetpea lifts up his legs and shows his toes to Arthur..

That's not fungus, says Arthur. That's goat's cheese.

How did it get there? asks Sweetpea. And why is it holey?

It isn't, says Arthur. It's a soft cheese, and the holes are where the cheese isn't.

Phew! What a relief for Sweetpea.

I'll scrape it off for you, says Arthur.

He takes his cheese knife out of his pocket.

The cheese knife he used to cut up the goat's cheese.

The goat's cheese on the cheese knife has hardened. 

Bits of fluff are stuck to it. And an old grey feather.

Maybe not, says Arthur. That could make it worse.