The Spanking

Why are we here? said Marie. We're just here for a visit. Do you suspect us of something?

Spying, said Professor Freud. I suspect you of spying. I've expected this ever since I changed the splatter rule.

No, no! said Belle et Bonne. We're okay with your new splatter rule. It's good. It gets the game over quickly.

Then it's to do with that Sweezus, said Freud. You think he needs psychoanalysis.

No, he just doesn't like Easter, said Marie. So we went to a film, and then brought him up here to play Paintball.

Aha! said Professor Freud. That sounds perfectly normal. No one likes Easter. It rains, the shops are shut, it is always interminably dull.... A film you say? What did you see?

Oh, nothing, said Belle et Bonne. Oh dear. Well I suppose we'd better tell you. It was a film called A Dangerous Method.

And what's that about? asked Professor Freud.

You don't know, Professor? said Marie. It's about you, and Carl Jung, and how you split up.

Good gracious, said Professor Freud. They made a film about that? Who played me?

Viggo Mortensen, said Marie. Are you pleased?

Never heard of him, said Professor Freud. And were there any ladies in this film?

Yes, said Belle et Bonne. Keira Knightley. She played Sabina Spielrein. She had an affair with Jung. He spanked her bottom.

That's news to me, said Professor Freud. Not about the affair, but the spanking. Well, well. Is there anything else I should know?

You should give up smoking cigars, said Belle et Bonne firmly. You die of throat cancer you know.

Here's your icecream, Professor Freud, said Irma, coming back from the counter. It's vanilla.

I've already given up smoking, said Freud. To die once is a tragedy. To die twice is mere carelessness. Thank you, Irma. I do like vanilla.

Sweezus came over to the table with Emma, and five garish blood orange gelatis.

How cool are these! Blood orange! Have I missed anything? he asked, sitting down.