Today is Stage Eleven, the Individual Time Trial. Belle et Bonne and Gaius are at the finish line. Belle is waiting for Sweezus, and Gaius for Niko or Ageless. He doesn't know which.
Why don't you know? asks Belle et Bonne. Surely it depends on their place in the general classification?
It was all perfectly clear until the picnic, sighs Gaius.
My picnic? says Belle et Bonne. Oh look, here comes Sweezie! Well done, Sweezie darling! You made it!
Sweezus looks at the digital clock. Shakes his head. That time wont beat Tony Martin.
Yes, your picnic, says Gaius. Arthur dropped out with a bellyache and we had to replace him with Freud. They look nothing alike. I'm certain we won't get away with it.
What about us? says Sweezus. That picnic fucked us all up too.
I'm so sorry, says Belle et Bonne. If you all hadn't been so utterly piggy........
Why, what happened to you? asks Gaius.
Can't say, says Sweezus, wheeling his time trial bicycle away.
You can tell me, Belle et Bonne, says Gaius.
Oh look! It's Surfing-With-Whales! says Belle et Bonne, in a somewhat unnatural voice.
Gaius looks. A rider is belting along towards the finish. He has bandages on both his knees. Furthermore he looks not particularly like Surfing-With-Whales. He looks a lot more like Arthur.
But that cannot be. Or can it?
He comes over. It's Arthur alright.
Arthur! explodes Gaius. Have you gone and switched teams?
Yes, says Arthur. Surfing-With-Whales felt sick after the picnic.
That was good news for us, says Gaius. And no reason for you to help out. Arthur! Do you not understand competition?
Don't call me Arthur, says Arthur. Or this will be pointless.
It is already pointless! roars Gaius.
Niko flies by, closely followed by Ageless.
Get out of my slipstream you cretinous crustacean! shouts Niko.
Ha ha! cries Ageless. You're done for!
You're all done for! cries Chris Froome, as he whizzes past Ageless.
Chris Froome crosses the line, and looks at the digital clock.
Ha ha! He too is done for! Tony Martin is the winner today.
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