Givors to Mont Ventoux: Amazing Victory

Stage Fifteen already! Today is the day of the terrible climb up Mont Ventoux.

Team Provenance is in disarray. Ageless is refusing to ride up the uncompromising mountain.

But Ageless, says Gaius. That will leave us with only three riders. And one of them is no climber.

I suppose you mean me, says Freud-Niko.

If the cap fits, says Ageless. But look on the bright side. One of you Nikos can be captain.

I'm already the captain, says Niko.

I have no desire to be captain, says Freud-Niko.

What about me? says Unni. I'd be a good captain.

You're a girl, says Gaius. We can't draw too much attention.

We are all drawing too much attention, says Niko. Me, because of my questionable method of riding some distance above the actual ground, although I can't help it. And Freud-Niko because he is foolishly helping the enemy. Also he looks nothing like Arthur, whom he is meant to be replacing. And then there is Ageless, a lobster.

Hmm, says Gaius. What a conundrum. ....... Wait! I have it! We'll ask Surfing-With-Whales!

He doesn't look anything like Ageless, says Unni, hoping this will be a deterrent.

True, says Gaius, thinking harder. Wait! I have it! He'll be our replacement for Arthur!

Who am I then ? asks Freud-Niko.

Ha ha, laughs Ageless. Try psychoanalysis!

You, says Gaius. You.....Do you think you could make yourself look smaller, with toothpicks... and glue?

You mean make myself look like a bee-costumed lobster? says Freud-Niko. How offensive! I must think of my status as a psychoanalyst...... but then, never let it be said that I can't see both sides of a question....and I do like dressing up in a onesie. Of course, I am somewhat larger than Ageless......

Somewhat, sniggers Ageless.

But we could say I've swelled up, concludes Freud-Niko.

Ageless snorts.

So it is decided. A onesie is found for Freud-Niko, and let out with toothpicks and glue. Surfing-With-Whales is recruited.

Team Provenance gives a creditable performance in the tough ride up Mont Ventoux. Unni, a talented climber, finishes not far behind Alberto Contador and Nairo Quintana.

And Chris Froome credits his amazing victory to the riders he passed on the way.