Versailles to Paris Champs-Elysées: Damage

The last stage of the Tour. Versailles to Paris Champs-Elysées. Thank goodness for that.

It is evening. The Arc de Triomphe is lit up in a magical way. The crowds cheer. The riders ride in.

Here come the sprinters, the climbers and the rest of the General Classification. It is over at last. Everyone looks quite relieved. Who cares who came first?

Team Provenance and Team Philosophe are relieved also. But they ought not to be.

Almost at once they are called up before the Cycling Tribunal, charged with reckless swapping of teams.

What have you to say? asks the Head of the Tribunal.

No one wants to blame Ageless, in case someone should bring up the sausages.

Unni can't bear it however.

Its all Ageless's fault, says Unni. Ageless Lobster. He poisoned Gaius, our leader. So we had to get Freud, who was shit. But that was okay. Then Ageless refused to ride up Mont Ventoux. So we had to get someone to replace him. And it couldn't be Arthur. So we had to ask Freud.

And Arthur and Surfing-With-Whales? says the Head of the Tribunal. Why did they swap?

Because of me, says Unni.

Not because of you, says Arthur.

Because of him, says Surfing-With-Whales, pointing at Sweezus.

Me? says Sweezus. I thought it was because of her.

Her? says the Head of the Tribunal. Unni Moon is ....... a GIRL?

No, says Unni, well, yes, I suppose so.

Both teams are hereby disqualified, says the Head of the Tribunal. On multiple grounds.

I say, says David. That's jolly harsh.

You wish to say something in your defence? says the Head of the Tribunal.

Vello and I are innocent, says David. As is Sweezus. There are no charges against us. That is three out of four.

Even Arthur is innocent, says Vello, joining in. That's four out of four. A victim of theft and deception. Look at him standing there.

Truly, anyone looking at Arthur just now would think he was innocent. He has put on that face.

The Head of the Tribunal doesn't know what he could have been thinking of.

Only Team Provenance will be disqualified, says the Head of the Tribunal. Now you may all go. But if you see Ageless Lobster, tell him I want a word.......

They all leave together, but the damage between them is done.