Fougères to Tours: No Contest

It's Stage Twelve of the Tour. Fougères to Tours. A flat one.

Vello and David are riding mid-peloton, discussing recent events.

It's good having Arthur back in the team, says David.

Goodish, says Vello. He's slower than Surfing-With-Whales. But at least he doesn't have issues.

Did Surfing-With-Whales have issues? asks David, surprised.

Really David! says Vello. Hadn't you noticed? He's been pining for Unni.

I thought she was with Arthur, says David.

Catch up, says Vello. She loves Arthur. Arthur doesn't love her. Someone told Surfing-With-Whales that Arthur's more interested now that she's playing the boy. Surfing-With-Whales became even more dejected. But Arthur is more into Sweezus, which turns out good for us.

Good heavens! says David. It's like Shakespeare! And who told him that?

Sweezus, says Vello.

He's a dark horse, says David.

I don't think so, says Vello. Just insensitive.

They ride on for a while.

This leaves Surfing-With-Whales free to ride in Team Provenance with Unni, says David.

Gaius wouldn't allow it, says Vello. It's cheating. Besides they'd have to get rid of one of their Nikos. Or Ageless.

No contest I would have thought, says David. Freud-Niko. He's awfully slow.

But he's popular, says Vello. Cadel swears by his advice. He was talking about him at dinner. Something about a motivational cactus. And look there's Freud-Niko now, riding next to Mark Cavendish!

It's true. Freud-Niko is riding next to Mark Cavendish.

They are deep in conversation.

Urine! says Mark Cavendish. I mean really!

Yes, yes, says Freud-Niko. I quite understand.You feel defiled. But you must put the urine behind you. Own the situation. That's the way forward.

You're right, thanks Niko, says Mark Cavendish, who thinks he is talking to Niko.

Mark Cavendish moves off to the front with renewed determination, only to be pipped at the very last second by Marcel Kittel.

It really is rather like Shakespeare.