To Find The Truth Go Backwards

Back at the Tongyue Gardens Hotel, later that afternoon, Margaret calls Sweezus.

Hiya, says Sweezus. Who is it?

It's Margaret, says Margaret. And  don't answer the phone like that. You work in an office, remember.

Margaret, says Sweezus What's up?

I want you to do me a favour, says Margaret. Find a copy of Gaius's Natural Histories and look up the index. Look up China. Let me know what he said.

Woah. He's in trouble, says Sweezus. All right, hang on.

Sweezus is back in a jiffy. Natural Histories is on the top shelf of the bookcase in the Velosophy office. He blows off the dust.

China, China, says Sweezus. Yeah, yeah, page 64. He doesn't like cotton. Roman ladies showing off diaphanous clothes in public. Uh? Oh yeah, cotton from China.

Anything else? says Margaret. That's tame.

Yep, page 68. He's ranting on about trade with China. In no other context is hatred of luxury more justified.....This is awesome.

It's not awesome, says Margaret. It's typical. I'm detecting a pattern. Is there anything else?

Mmm, page 167, says Sweezus. India, China and the Arabian peninsula take from our empire 100 million sesterces a year. This is what our ladies cost us... Wicked! Gaius on a Gaius-type roll!

Thank you, Sweezus, says Margaret You have been helpful. Click.

How's Arthur? says Sweezus, to no one. Margaret has ended the call.

International calls are expensive.

..........

Sikong Shu has been waiting.

Tomorrow, says Margaret, you will see a different Gaius, demonstrating correct attitudes. I promise.

Then, says Sikong Shu, I shall organise a trip to the Kuanti Formation for tomorrow. You, Gaius and Rosamunda will be permitted to enter. But not to do any scraping.

Margaret is shocked.

Not to do any scraping! She'll see about that!

.........

In Beijing, Lavender is the talk of the Institute of Vertebrate Paleontology and Paleoanthropology, Chinese Academy of Sciences.

The lecture room is full of doctors and professors, in tiers.

Lavender is on the front bench, with Doctor Zhu Min standing behind her. The fossil Entelognathus rests on a white table napkin, next to Lavender. Arthur lurks near the heavy blue doors.

Lavender is answering questions. Today any questions are permitted.

Dr Chung-Chien Young: Lavender, please tell us how you met the Entelognathus.

Lavender: We went on a blind date.

Dr Wenzhong Pei: When exactly was this?

Lavender: Four hundred million years ago.

Professor Lanpo Jia: That is close, but not perfect. Continue.

Lavender: He was a gentleman. Until it was time to say goodnight. Then he showed his true colours.

Dr Minchen Chow: His colours! What were they?

Lavender: He was a sex fiend!

Dr Minchen Chow: No, his colours. Have we a language problem here?

Lavender: I was young. I didn't know the future. He tried to KISS me! I punched him in the jawbone! Whack! It broke into several parts.

Dr Jukan Woo: Remarkable. That part is certainly true. His jawbone is segmented.

There is a smattering of applause.