Whose Side Are You On?

Dinner is over.

Corny brings out the Dutch gin.

After several glasses Corny decides to tackle his fellow philosopher.

I fail to see, says Corny, how you think that you proved it.

What? says Vello, who has already forgotten what it was that he claimed to have proved.

That the statement 'you must begin somewhere' is nonsense, says Corny.

Oh that, says Vello. Patent nonsense.

Self-evident, you mean, says Corny. You have confused yourself by reading it backwards.

On the contrary, says Vello, I established that you may begin anywhere.

But is that not the same? insists Corny.

They look at David, for a decision. The old empiricist.

The contention is, says David, as I understand it, that you must begin somewhere is the same as you may begin anywhere?

Exactly, says Corny.

And your contention is that it isn't? says David, turning to Vello.

Exactly, says Vello.

Because you read it backwards, says David.

Yes, says Vello.

In fact, you began in the middle, says David.

Whose side are you on? asks Vello.

Corny pours some more gin.

Yes! He began somewhere! says Corny, triumphant. He had to!

It could have been anywhere, says Vello. It was perfectly random.

No such thing, says Corny. I object to this line of thinking.

Vello swallows another glass of gin, preparatory to pursuing this line of thinking.

You believe nothing is random? says Vello.

Nothing is perfect, says Corny.

Terence has been listening. He likes philosophy as much as he likes science.

That's TRUE, says Terence.

Three philosophers turn their heads towards Terence, enquiringly.

What does the child mean by that highly contestable judgement?

Terence is about to tell them.

He is about to say: It is true that nothing is perfect. Take my parrot, which now looks like a herring, and smells. I have some balloons in my pocket, which I feel no guilt in possessing. I shall begin another parrot in the morning. One must begin again somewhere.

Or words to that effect.

Imagine!

If Terence had got that out, before the philosophers noticed his little cement lips were plastered with chocolate sprinkles.

Busted!