All There Is To Know About Whales

Sweezus and Nietzsche wheel their bicycles onto the beach.

Sweezus spots Surfing-With-Whales out beyond the breakers.

Several people bob about near him.

That's him, says Sweezus. Wish I had a board. I'd be out there.

Just then, Surfing-With-Whales catches a wave. It's a biggy.

Shweeeersh! he skids up the wet sand and comes to a halt without falling.

That's not easy.

Hey, man! says Surfing-With-Whales.

Hey! says Sweezus. Awesome ride! Any whales out there?

Nothing, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Nietzsche looks relieved.

I see you've brought lunch, says Surfing-With-With-Whales, spotting the Catcher in Sweezus's pocket.

Shit no, says Sweezus. This is the Catcher.

What about this one? says Surfing-With-Whales.

This is Friedrich Nietzsche. He's here for a spot of whale watching, says Sweezus.

I didn't mean him, says Surfing-With-Whales. I meant the lobster.......oh hang on.....it's Ageless.

Nietzsche is not used to being noticed last, at the end of a long line of seafood.

Is it his moustache?

Surfing-With-Whales now turns his attention to Nietzsche.

Cool moustache, says Surfing-With-Whales.

So, if it isn't the moustache, what is it?

Pleased to meet you, says Nietzsche. I believe you are an expert in whales.

Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales. I know one or two things.

He's being modest, says Sweezus. He knows all there is to know about whales.

Good, says the Catcher. Which ones are the most friendly?

None of them are friendly, says Surfing-With-Whales. They don't give a shit. My advice is, don't go near 'em.

My advice too, agrees Ageless. But the Catcher has vowed to catch one.

I have, says the Catcher.

No kidding? says Surfing-With-Whales. A Blue Swimmer, catch a whale. Like that's going to happen! Okay, who's coming out with me?

Me, says Sweezus. I just need a board.

Mum's up there on the cliff, says Surfing-With-Whales. Ask her to give you one out of the van.

Lauren? What's she doing here? asks Sweezus.

Whale spotting, says Surfing-With-Whales. Take mister chino-pants up there with you. She might lend him her binoculars. And show him her chart. It's got pictures of all the different tail flukes and flippers. Helps to identify 'em. Pity there's not any here.

He turns back to the ocean.

Take me with you, says the Catcher. My quest can wait no longer.

Prrrrt! opines Ageless, rudely.

Okay, says Surfing-With-Whales. Come on. You've got balls, Catcher.

Sweezus and Nietzsche wheel their bikes up the ramp to the top of the cliff, where Lauren Swales is sitting with binoculars, hot chips and a thermos.

She has seen Sweezus already. She really likes Sweezus. One of the better class of friends that her son has. Not like some others. Now she spots Nietzsche. Oh! Have all her Christmases come at once?  What a GLORIOUS manly moustache!