The Politics Of Cool

The Catcher, down below in the water, imagines the above conversation.

Sweezus: Found him yet?

Surfing-With-Whales: Not yet, man. Let's spread out and search. I'll dive here. You dive over there.

Nietzsche: Where would you like me to go?

But this is not what is happening.

In an ideal world perhaps it would be. But in an ideal world, Nietzsche would have had his own board shorts.

Surfing-With-Whales is astonished to see Nietzsche wearing his new board shorts. At least, part of him hopes they are his.

Even more unthinkable would be that mister smarty philosopher chino-pants had bought the same type of Billabongs.

Hey man, says Surfing-With-Whales, fishing for an explanation. Nice shorts!

Oh yes, I hope you don't mind. These are yours. Your mother......

Bloody MUM, that'd be right!

Woah, chill, dude, says Sweezus. He could hardly paddle out in his chinos.

They're my NEW ones, says Surfing-With-Whales.

Nice, says Sweezus, looking at them properly.

Nietzsche determines to brazen it out.

At first, says Nietzsche, I thought there was something wrong with them.

Yeah? say both Sweezus and Surfing-With-Whales.

Yes, says Nietzsche. One side is not the same as the other. No doubt you've noticed.

It's why they're cool, says Sweezus.

Yeah, says Surfing-With-Whales. Anyone would know that.....

Lauren explained it to me, says Nietzsche.

Lauren! He's calling her Lauren.

Melted Lo Tides, says Surfing-With-Whales, through gritted teeth.

The ones you're wearing now are the same on both sides, observes Nietzsche.

These are Belongils, says Surfing-With-Whales, witheringly.

Sweezus is beginning to think he ought to pay more attention to his own surf wear. What's he got on? His heaps ancient Bender Mash boardies with orange tigers and black panthers, which are so faded you can hardly see them .....

At this point the second whale surfaces behind them.

Sweezus spots it first.

Woa! A whale!

The members of Surfing-With-Whales' group paddle up to him.

A whale! Massive! Awesome! Dude, what do we do?

Unfortunately, says Surfing-With-Whales, we have to keep 300 metres away from it.

Bugger.

Everyone paddles for the shore.

........

Under the sea, the Catcher is relieved to see the legs disappearing.

Good. Now to get serious.

And now there are two whales to choose from......