Nobody Asks You

Lavender shows Nose where the ants are.

Here, says Lavender.

I don't see them, says Nose.

Pull up the grass, says Lavender. They'll get angry.

Nose rips up some grass. Ants pour out.

See. They live in a tunnel, says Lavender.

Doing three sixties, says Nose.

This would have been funny, and they both would have laughed, had not Baby Pierre chosen just that moment to come outside and be listening.

They're not called three sixties, says Baby Pierre.

You don't even know what we're talking about, says Lavender. When did you get home?

Just then, says Baby Pierre.

Kobo wants to see you, says Lavender.

She saw me, says Baby Pierre. How come SHE said three sixties?

She's called Nose, says Lavender.

Does she think she can skateboard? asks Baby Pierre.

No, I don't, says Nose. It was maths. Lavender taught me.

She doesn't know maths, scoffs Baby Pierre. She only knows zero.

She knows about tunnels, says Nose.

Baby Pierre doesn't want to talk about tunnels.

He wants to show off his knowledge of skateboard trick moves.

But you can't just start listing them off, if nobody asks you.

What are you eating? asks Baby Pierre.

Ants, says Nose. Want one?

No thanks, says Baby Pierre.

.....

Gaius has gone out again, having eaten some celery.

He is going to pick up his free tickets.

He arrives at the Velosophy office.

Hello Gaius, says Vello. Come for the tickets?

Yes, says Gaius. What's the show called?

Old Jewish Jokes, says Vello. The only requirement is, you must write a review.

That should be easy, says Gaius.

How was the bandicoot venture? asks Vello. I hear you acquired one.

Yes I did. I don't suppose you have any fresh blackberries? says Gaius.

I thought the idea was to teach them to eat snotty gobble, says Vello.

A vain enterprise, says Gaius. As you would understand if you tried it. No, we are looking at building a tunnel to link bandicoot populations.

A tunnel, says Vello. Yes David mentioned a tunnel. Which reminds me....

Yes? says Gaius, turning to go.

David also mentioned that you had a friend who had written a book about Barbados. What was his name? Katherine would like a copy.

His name was the Reverend Griffith Hughes, says Gaius. But there are ten books. I know of a shorter volume, by Richard Ligon, "A True and Exact History of the Island of Barbadoes".

Write it down for me, says Vello. Ah, I like the old fashioned spelling! Or is that an error?

I'm an excellent speller, says Gaius.

Of course, says Vello.  Well, enjoy the show. Who will you be taking?

Yes. Who will he be taking?

Gaius makes a mental list of who he won't be taking.

Mental list: Not Margaret.