Four Last Things

Griffith Hughes only eats Pink Ladies.

Gaius's apples are green.

Oats? suggests Gaius.

I am not a horse, says Griffith Hughes. Never mind. I shall speak to my deliverer.

You do that, says Gaius, crunching into a green apple, to prove they are tasty.

Where do you keep Ageless Lobster? asks Griffith.

In the bathroom, says Gaius.

Griffith strides back down the passage, to the bathroom.

Ageless is lying in brown water, near the plug hole.

Baby Pierre is keeping watch over him.

Ageless Lobster! booms Griffith.

Shut up! says Baby Pierre.

Rudeness, says Griffith, is unbecoming.

Unbecoming, says Baby Pierre. That's me. Stop shouting at Ageless. He's moulting.

It's the reason I'm here, says Griffith Hughes. To accelerate the process. You may choose to leave, however, and I suggest that you do.

No way, says Baby Pierre. I don't trust you.

Are you a Christian? asks Griffith Hughes.

I'm an atheist and free thinker, says Baby Pierre.

You can't be both, says Griffith Hughes.

That's what everyone says, replies Baby Pierre. Except Terence.

Who is Terence? asks Griffith Hughes.

My best friend, says Baby Pierre. He's made of cement. His mother is the Virgin, and his grandpa is Grandpa Marx.

Tell Terence to come and see me, says Griffith Hughes. He needs a lecture. Now, you can stay if you like, but be silent.

All right, says Baby Pierre.

Silence! says Griffith Hughes.

ALL RIGHT! shouts Baby Pierre.

Bubbles arise from the plug hole end of the bath tub.

Griffith Hughes leans over the bath.

Ageless, says Griffith. It's me, Griffith Hughes from the library. I'm here to assist you.

Plurp,

Ageless raises his head. He looks pale.

I've come to speak to you of the Four Last Things, says Griffith.

Grurk! What are they? asks Ageless.

Why Four Last Things? asks Baby Pierre. forgetting to be silent.

Because there are four of them, says Griffith. Death, Judgement, Heaven and Hell. I published a tract on the subject.

Ageless isn't dying, says Baby Pierre.

We are all dying, says Griffith.

Not lobsters, says Baby Pierre. They get bigger and older.

Until someone kills them, croaks Ageless.

Or some event does, says Griffith. So I suggest that you listen......