The Ignorance of Girls

Gaius is sitting in the bar of the Griffins Hotel, with a pint of Little Creatures.

When there's no one to ask out but Margaret, it's wiser to go on your own.

Time for the show. He goes up the stairs to the Sky Room, for Old Jewish Jokes.

Hello, says Ivor Dembina, the comedian. Sit anywhere.

Gaius chooses a seat, in the second row.

Two ladies come in and sit down in front of him.

They are already laughing.

Ha ha, laughs Katherine. Did you really?

I did. Of course, I was a lot younger, says Margaret.

Would you believe it? It's only Katherine and Margaret!

Gaius sinks down in his seat, but Margaret turns round, because of course she has spotted him.

Hello, Gaius, says Margaret. Vello said you'd be here.

Yes, hello Gaius, says Katherine. Margaret was just saying that when she was younger she thought she was Jewish.

No, Katherine, I said I thought I might have been Jewish in a previous life, says Margaret.

O ha ha, says Katherine Trust me to only half listen.

Ivor Dembina is more than half listening.

He hopes his audience won't all be like these.

Thinking that they might have been Jewish in a previous lifetime indeed! How is that going to work I ask you? ..... (he fiddles with his cap. takes a sip of his water and lemon).

More people file in. Soon thirty three seats contain bottoms.

By the way Gaius, says Katherine, thanks for the book list.

What's this? asks Margaret.

Nothing, says Gaius.

A list of books on Barbados, says Katherine. One by the Reverend Griffiths Hughes, the other by Richard Ligon.

I know of them, says Margaret. Richard Ligon, in the 1657 edition, mentioned a creature which is now believed to be extinct. The Barbados racer.

Good heavens, says Katherine. What...?

But it's show time.

Ivor is nervous. But, as his father once told him, Ivor, you can't go wrong with the Old Jewish Jokes.

Ivor knows this. But he wants to tell cutting edge new ones.

This is the brilliance of Ivor.

By means of masterful framing he presents each type as a foil for the other.

The audience is loving it.

Ivor just has to raise a hand or an eyebrow, and they respond. Ooh! No! Yes! Ahh! or whatever.

Maybe we were all Jewish in a previous lifetime...

.......

Meanwhile back at home, Baby Pierre has gone into the bathroom to check on Ageless.

Ageless doesn't look right. His carapace has dropped off and his new soft flesh is all crinkly.

Baby Pierre thinks it ought to look smooth and shiny.

He sees the yellow salt container next to the basin.

Too much salt! That's the problem. Or not enough water.

But being a pebble, he can't turn on the tap.

All he can do is sit there watching, while Ageless shrivels.

To pass the time he thinks about cool skate board moves.

The hard flip.

The pop shove it.

The big spin kick flip.

And the ignorance of girls.