A Predator's Dinner

The train stops in Le Puy-en-Velay.

Who's going to take Baldy back to his mother? asks Belle. Shall I do it?

We'll all do it, says Gaius. That's why we came.

So Gaius, Belle, Splosh, Terence and Baldy walk together to the Corneille Rock and begin climbing the steps inside the Virgin.

Race you to the top, says Splosh,

Terence and Baldy start running.

Splosh and Belle speed up a little.

Gaius climbs steadily.

Terence is first to reach the crown of stars on the head of the Virgin.

He looks down at her nose.

It would make a good ski ramp.

Baldy arrives next, panting.

The Virgin turns her eyes upwards.

Who might you be? asks the Virgin.

Me, Baldy, says Baldy. And Terence.

You're late! says the Virgin.

Are the clowns dead? asks Terence.

Half dead, says the Virgin. Meaning, one is and one isn't.

Good one, says Terence.

Mama! says Baldy.

I'll give you Mama, says the Virgin. A week late or more! And look at you! Done up like a predator's dinner.

I'm an oystercatcher, says Baldy.

The Virgin shakes her head.

And what's that on your tummy?

THE RISING, says Baldy.

How inappropriate, says the Virgin. Disclosing the ending! Luckily it's unreadable.

It's about rising sea levels, says Splosh, who has emerged at the crown of stars.

Oh, is it? says the Virgin.

She has never worried about rising sea levels. Why should she?

The oystercatchers are endangered, says Belle. And Splosh is an activist.

Honestly! says the Virgin. You'd think that up here at least one could avoid them.

Gaius emerges. He looks down at the view.

Scenic mountains. Tiny pilgrims, making their way along the Camino de Santiago.

It's you! says the Virgin.

You know me? says Gaius.

From Team Condor, says the Virgin. With that nice looking young man who made off with Baldy, promising to bring him back in the morning. A whole week ago!

We've come to return him, says Gaius We apologise for the delay. It was a misunderstanding.

Yes, sorry, says Belle. Well, Terence, say goodbye to Baldy.

Goodbye, Baldy, says Terence.

What! Are you leaving him here? asks the Virgin. But I've ordered another one. They've already melted the cannon.

I suppose you can't cope with two, says Belle. Imagine. One in each arm, how would you ... you know...do anything?

The Virgin considers.

Baldy, dear, says the Virgin. You have grown up a lot. You have lovely curls now. You resemble an endangered bird species. You are articulate. It's time for you to go forth and do something to raise public awareness about THE RISING.

Well said! says Splosh. You're a legend, Ms Virgin!

Thank you, says the Virgin. Never say I don't try.

Would you like a touch up? says Splosh. By way of thanks for giving us Baldy.

Why not? say the Virgin.

Splosh gives her a touch up.

The Virgin's stars twinkle, and her nose looks smaller, less like a ski ramp.

Goodbye and sorry, mama, says Baldy.

Goodbye, Baldy. Be good. Goodbye, Terence, says the Virgin.

Which one did you kill? asks Terence.

Pickelherring, I think, says the Virgin.