As A Diplomat

It seemed like a good plan.

The tinker had hopped out when the flight attendant opened the door to inform the captain and co-captain the plane was vacated. 

She had hopped down the aisle to the exit. 

Hopped out, and down the ramp to Arrivals.

Looked around for Ben O'Connor and Baby Pierre.

Where were they? Nowhere.

A large sniffer dog had approached her, and barked.

A uniformed dog handler had dropped a net over her.

And taken her to a small room where she has been waiting.

And waiting.

When will someone come?

At last a customs officer comes in and takes a photograph of the tinker.

You should have asked my permission, says the tinker.

Ai! says the customs officer. It speaks!

May I make a phone call? asks the tinker.

You're a frog, says the customs officer. You don't get a phone call. Just explain how you got here.

Starting when? asks the tinker. I was raised in captivity in Currumbin, and then...

Where is that? asks the customs officer. 

Queensland, says the tinker. Then I went to Italy, but before that I...

Who were you with on the plane? asks the customs officer.

Ben O'Connor, says the tinker. And Baby Pierre. He was in a box with me, but then...

Aha! Now we're getting somewhere, says the customs officer. Wait here.

The customs officer leaves the room, locking the door behind her.

Half an hour later she returns with Ben O'Connor, and the box.

Presumably, Baby Pierre and his tiny bicycle are in it.

Is this your frog? asks the customs officer.

No, says Ben O'Connor. I've already explained.

Then whose is it? asks the customs officer.

Can I make a phone call? asks Ben O'Connor.

Certainly, sir, says the customs officer.

Ben calls Pablo Neruda.

Pablo is in Chile, back at work as a diplomat.

Pablo, says Ben. I'm in a bit of a pickle at Changi airport. They're detaining the frog. 

Leave it to me, says Pablo. I'll call Arthur.

He calls Arthur on another phone.

Arthur, it's Pablo. About that frog.

Gaius is stewing, says Arthur. Where is it?

Detained in Changi with Ben O'Connor, says Pablo.

Where are you? asks Arthur.

Chile, says Pablo. But I've got Ben on the phone.

Put him on speaker, says Arthur.

Arthur! says Ben O'Connor. This is kind of annoying. I don't want to miss my flight home.

Where are you heading? asks Arthur.

Perth, says Ben.

Right, says Arthur. The frog needs to go to Adelaide, or better still Gladstone. So you can leave her at Changi airport. I'll fix it.

I can't just leave, says Ben O'Connor. I'm detained too.

Chill out, says Arthur. I'll get Gaius to call Changi customs.

Cool, says Ben O'Connor.

It looks as though things will turn out well for the Kroombit tinker.

Why doesn't she look all that pleased?

Ker-Bump-Ker-Bump

You'll have to get off the control panel, says the captain.

Where shall I go? asks the tinker.

There's a seat behind us, says the co-captain. Sit on that.

The tinker hops down from the control panel and onto the seat.

Should we ask her to do up her seat belt? asks the co-captain.

She's too small, says the captain. It would be ineffective.

I could go under the seat, says the tinker.

Good idea, says the captain.

The tinker hops off the seat and slips underneath it.

The turbulence is beginning.

Ker bump ker bump, luuuurch, ker bump!

Yikes! says the tinker.

All under control, says the captain. I'll let the passengers know.

He turns on his intercom.

This is your captain speaking, says the captain. We're encountering some turbulence, but there's nothing to worry about. We're almost through it, and we'll shortly be landing in Changi.

Was that true? asks the tinker.

Of course it was true, says the captain.

Which part of the message concerns you? asks the co-captain.

Where's Changi? asks the tinker.

Singapore, says the co-captain. Which is where you'll get off.

But I'm going to Australia! says the tinker. You do know that?

That will be up to the airport authorities, says the captain. Be quiet please. We're preparing to land.

The tinker is quiet.

She envisions being led off to a special office in Changi airport. And left there.

What if they don't know she's endangered?

She might be allowed one phone call.

Then she'll call Gaius. He'll explain everything.

And it will be all right.

Bump. Whirrrrrr! The plane lands in Changi.

A long time passes.

The passengers are then allowed off.

Another long time passes.

A flight attendant pokes her head in.

Everyone's off! says the flight attendant.

The co-captain and captain pick up their jackets and hats.

And their flight bags. 

The co-captain looks under the seat for the Kroombit tinker.

Who is no longer there.

What's This Knob For?

The Kroombit tinker looks at the clouds. 

They are white gray and blue. Some in the distance are pink gold and fluffy.

Now there's a gap revealing water below them.

Blue water with wrinkles.

And is that a whale? Or an island.

Then... more white gray blue clouds.

Boring. She's seen them already.

She looks at the control panel, on which the co-captain has placed her.

What's this knob for? asks the tinker.

DON'T TOUCH IT! shouts the co-captain.

As if I'd do that, says the tinker. 

How do I know you wouldn't? says the co-captain.

Frog fingers, says the tinker.

You should have stowed her in the galley, says the captain.

I thought better of it, says the co-captain. She may have got into the food.

Don't worry, says the Kroombit tinker. I don't think much of your food.

I suppose you eat spiders, worms and insects, says the captain.

The Kroombit tinker is about to agree, but a wave of sadness comes over her.

Spiders, worms and insects, says the tinker. That brings back memories.

That's natural, asks the co-captain. But what's made you sad?

I'm remenbering the pobblebonks, says the tinker. I was their house mother. They died one by one. 

You ate your children? asks the captain, aghast.

You know little about frogs, says the tinker. Pobblebonks could not be my children. I'm a Kroombit tinker.

Sorry, says the captain. 

Spider-bonk, Insect-bonk and Worm-bonk, says the tinker. Those were their names.

Very nice, says the co-captain. What made you their house mother?

I wanted to travel, says the tinker. They were going to Florence. I took the opportunity.

Why Florence? asks the captain. 

The Tour de France began there, says the tinker. They were in it. 

And died one by one, says the co-captain. What of?

The machinations of Nicolo Machiavelli, says the tinker.

The captain and the co-captain decide she's been pulling their leg.

They turn their attention to the control panel.

Just as well, as some turbulence is imminent.

Not His Frog His Friend's Frog

Ten minutes later, the co-captain comes out to speak to Ben O'Connor.

I'm the co-captain, says the co-captain. And I'm here to take charge of your frog.

It's okay! says Ben O'Connor. I already told the flight attendant....

That the protocols had been observed, says the co-captain. Well, it turns out they haven't.

Geez, sorry, says Ben O'Connor.  She's in this box, with my lucky pebble.

We have no issue with your lucky pebble, says the co-captain, but this frog must be confined until landing.

Then what? asks Ben O'Connor.

She will be dealt with, says the co-captain. Please hand over your frog.

Ben O'Connor opens the box on the seat beside him.

The tinker has heard everything.

The moment of doom is approaching, says the tinker.

Ai! says the co-captain. I was told it could speak, but I wasn't aware it could prophesy.

She can't, says Ben O'Connor. She's just quoting the second line of my poem.

Oh, so you're a poet? asks the co-captain. 

Not really, says Ben O'Connor. It's for an elite bike riders' poetry competition.

Which one? asks the co-captain.

The Vuelta, says Ben.

You must know Pablo Neruda, says the co-captain.

Yeah, I know him, says Ben O'Connor. It's his frog. Well, not his frog, his friend's frog. Actually not his friend's frog either, but some other guy's....

I'm no one's frog, says the tinker.

That's right, says Baby Pierre. We're not anything.

Speak for yourself, lucky pebble, says the tinker.

It's temporary, says Baby Pierre.

This may also be temporary, says the co-captain. But the frog comes with me.

He puts on a thin rubber glove, and picks up the tinker.

And carries her up to the front of the Boeing. 

He opens the door of the cockpit and enters.

Great! says the captain. Now there's a frog in the cockpit. Where will you put it?

On top of the control panel, says the co-captain. Then we can keep an eye on her.

The tinker likes the position on top of the control panel.

There's a fantastic view.

The Moment Of Doom

Green pee! Yuck! says the tinker, inside the box.

With beef pastrami! says Baby Pierre. Humans like weird stuff.

He too is inside the box.

Outside the box, Ben O'Connor has finished his beef pastrami with grean pea and quinoa salad and started on his ice cream.

The flight attendant returns for his empty containers.

I'll take that too, if you like, says the flight attendant, indicating the box.

No need, says Ben O'Connor. That box contains my lucky pebble.

And a frog, says the flight attendant. 

And a  frog, says Ben O'Connor. I'm delivering it to a friend.

No problem, says the flight attendant.  I'm sure it's passed through all the protocols.

Sure has, says Ben O'Connor.

It asked what Shek O is, says the flight attendant.

Yeah, says Ben O'Connor. I wondered that too. 

Preserved mustard greens, says the flight attendant. From a packet. Very popular.

If I knew that, I might've had it, says Ben O'Connor.

There's always a next time, says the flight attendant. Tell your frog, she adds, as she's walking away.

Ben opens the box on the seat beside him.

We heard that, says the tinker. Preserved mustard greens out of a packet.

Ha! says Baby Pierre. More good luck, brought to you by yours truly.

How come? asks Ben.

You didn't eat it, says Baby Pierre.

But he did eat green pee, says the tinker.

You don't eat green pee, you drink it, says Baby Pierre. And green pee's known to be lucky.

You made that up, says the tinker.

It was a salad, says Ben O'Connor. Green pea, pumpkin and quinoa. 

I didn't make it up, says Baby Pierre.

But he did, kind of.

Let's work on the second line of your poem, says the tinker.

Okay, says Ben. How about: The moment of doom is approaching.

That's perfect, says the tinker.

Little does she know how perfect it will turn out to be.

Green Pea Thing

Are we there yet? asks the tinker.

She has asked this a few times.

They are on the long flight from Paris to Singapore.

Ben O'Connor has again been lucky. 

There is an empty seat beside him, on which he has placed the box.

Baby Pierre is relaxing in the corner of the box, in his role of lucky pebble.

The tinker has been helping Ben O'Connor with his poem.

They are tinkering with the first line.

"It was on Moncalvillo.....O hay!

I like it, says the tinker.

I know you do, says Ben O'Connor, but isn't it kind of....

What? says the tinker. 

Like a folk song, says Ben O'Connor. Maybe we should ditch the O hay.

But that's the best part, says the tinker.

She won the competition with O hay, says Baby Pierre.

What? says Ben O'Connor. She's already won it?

Oops! says Baby Pierre. Was it a secret?

I just haven't told him, says the tinker.

Best that he knows, says Baby Pierre.

I'm not finishing my poem if the competition's over, says Ben O'Connor.

But Pablo gave you an extension, says the tinker.

Pointless! says Ben O'Connor. Why should I bother?

You shouldn't, says Baby Pierre. 

I thought you were supposed to be lucky, says Ben O'Connor.

A flight attendant comes by. 

Are you having the beef pastrami with green pea and quinoa salad, or the steamed pork with Shek O preserved mustard greens, or the cheese and fusilli? asks the flight attendant.

What's Shek O? asks the tinker.

Ai, a frog! says the flight attendant. Let me deal wih it.

It's fine, says Ben O'Connor, closing the box. I'll have the beef pastrami and green pea thing.

He pulls down his tray.

The flight attendant hands him the beef pastrami and green pea thing.

Ben O'Connor starts eating. Mm. It's not bad.

Inside the box Baby Pierre and the tinker are debating.

Not about luck.

Not about the benefits of writing a poem even if the competition is finished

Not about Shek O.

But about the green pee.

Shit A Brick!

Gaius is becoming concerned about the Kroombit tinker.

Where is she now?

He phones Arthur.

Arthur, says Gaius. Where is the tinker exactly?

In the air, says Arthur. With Ben O'Connor.

Excellent, says Gaius. When will they be landing?

Don't know, says Arthur.

Pity, says Gaius. I could go and meet them.

Might not be in Adelaide, says Arthur. I forgot to ask Ben where he was going.

Jumping Jupiter! says Gaius. It could be anywhere in Australia! Where is he from?

Subiaco, says Arthur (after a short pause consulting Ben's stats.)

In Western Australia! says Gaius. That's about as far from Kroombit Tops as you can be!

At least the tinker'll be in the country, says Arthur. 

Gaius wishes he'd kept better control of the tinker. What was he thinking?

Not much he can do now but stew.

....

Meanwhile Ben O'Connor is enjoying a snack on the flight from Madrid to Paris. 

So far he's been lucky.

There is an empty seat by his side and he has placed the box on it.

The Kroombit tinker, Baby Pierre and his bike are inside.

Ben O'Connor takes the lid off.

Want a snack? asks Ben O'Connor.

What is it? asks the tinker.

Cup noodles, says Ben O'Connor. 

Maybe a noodle, says the tinker.

Ben fishes out a noodle, and lowers it into the box.

The tinker sucks up the noodle.

Ha ha! laughs Baby Pierre. It's a long noodle! Watch out you don't choke!

The tinker stops sucking up the noodle.

But cannot reply.

Ben O'Connor has not noticed the tinker is choking on the noodle.

He is thinking of his poem.

Had he even started it?

No, he hadn't. His attention had been on retaining the red jersey.

But now, he can start.

The tinker has promised to help him.

He looks at the tinker.

Shit a brick! The tinker is choking ! 

He nips the noodle in half.

The tinker stops choking.

You were lucky, says Baby Pierre. That was my influence.

What part of that was your influence? asks the tinker.

You could have died, says Baby Pierre. And I'm a lucky pebble.

Much you cared! says the tinker.

But Ben saved you, continues Baby Pierre. So I brought luck to everyone.

What's this? asks Ben.

You were lucky, says Baby Pierre. Imagine if the frog you were looking after had died.

Yeah how would I explain it, says Ben O'Connor. Thanks Baby Pierre.

He didn't do anything! says the tinker.

Luck Before Flying

It has gone really well.

The tinker has zoomed through the security check point without being spotted.

She heads for the departure lounge.

Ben O'Connor's not there yet. 

He has been called aside.

Not because Baby Pierre is in his pocket, but because of the empty box he is carrying.

Why the empty box? asks the security guard.

A friend gave it to me, says Ben O'Connor. It's empty.

It may appear to be empty, says the security guard. But we'll need to test it for hidden compartments.

I'll miss my flight, says Ben O'Connor.

If there was something in it, it would be different, says the security guard

Okay, says Ben O'Connor. I'll put something in it.

He takes Baby Pierre out of his pocket.

Baby Pierre is no fool. He knows how to look like a pebble.

It isn't that hard.

He folds his skinny legs under his body and keeps his mouth shut.

So this box is for a pebble, says the security guard. Why wasn't it inside?

It's my lucky pebble says Ben O'Connor, thinking quickly. I like to hold it in the palm of my hand before flying.

I get that, says the security guard. Okay, go through. And have have a good day.

Ben O'Connor proceeds to the departure lounge, where the tinker is waiting.

What took you so long? asks the tinker.

Ask Baby Pierre , says Ben O'Connor. I'm going to the toilet.

He puts the empty box under the seat, with Baby Pierre in it.

He goes off to the toilet.

The tinker hops into the box.

What happened? asks the tinker.

Where's my bicycle? asks Baby Pierre.

Leaning against the box, says the tinker. Don't worry. Tell me what happened.

I had to pretend to be his lucky pebble, says Baby Pierre.

How embarrassing, says the tinker.

I didn't care, says Baby Pierre. And I nailed it.

Being a lucky pebble? asks the tinker. 

Yes, says Baby Pierre. You'll see. Ben O'Connor will be lucky all the way back to Adelaide.

Here he comes now. Back from the toilet.

Just as boarding is about to commence.

Lucky. 

We'll see.

No Flies On A Boeing

Baby Pierre skids to a halt in front of Pablo, the tinker, and Ben O'Connor.

Changed my mind, says Baby Pierre. I'm coming.

I'm not taking him, says Ben O'Connor.

I'll take him, says the Kroombit tinker.

If I'm taking you and you're taking him, that's like I'm taking both of you, says Ben O'Connor.

Chill, says Baby Pierre. I'm independent.

He is, says the tinker. And he can go in my box. 

No way, says Baby Pierre. I can go in Ben's pocket.

What's independent about that? asks Ben O'Connor.

Just to get on board, says Baby Pierre. Then I'll zoom off somewhere.

We can catch flies, says the tinker.

There are no flies on a Boeing, says Ben O'Connor.

The tinker looks sad.

Have we got time to catch one? asks the tinker. 

No, says Pablo.

What do frogs eat? asks Ben O'Connor.

Good question, says Pablo. She likes flies, worms and insects.

But I once had a pancake, says the tinker.

A whole pancake? asks Ben O'Connor.

No, a part of a pancake, says the tinker.

Ben O'Connor looks at his watch.

Time to head to security, says Ben O'Connor. How do we do this?

Fear not, says Baby Pierre. I'll whizz through.

I'll whizz through too, says the tinker.

Want to whizz through with me? asks Baby Pierre.

Okay, says the tinker.

She hops onto the back of his tiny bicycle.

Erk! says Baby Pierre. You're heavy! This might be too hard.

Okay, says Ben O'Connor. How about this? Baby Pierre goes in my pocket and the tinker whizzes through on the bike.

Brilliant, says the tinker.

No way! begins Baby Pierre.

But Ben O'Connor has picked him up, and shoved him into his pocket.

The tinker has already whizzed away.

You've got this, says Pablo to Ben O'Connor. And here, have the box.

What do I need that for? asks Ben O'Connor. It's empty.

An empty box can be useful, says Pablo.

Ben thinks about the many times in his life when an empty box has been useful.

Thanks mate, says Ben O'Connor.

He takes the box from Pablo, and heads for security, with Baby Pierre in his pocket.

How Can That Be Illegal?

 Let's hope Ben O'Connor's still in Madrid, says Pablo.

Lets hope he isn't, says Baby Pierre.

I hope he is, says the tinker. And that he'll take us home.

In a box most likely, says Baby Pierre.

He wouldn't, says the tinker.

I'll see if I can get hold of him, says Pablo.

He calls the team manager of Team Decathlon AG2R La Mondiale.

Hello? says the team manager.

Is Ben O'Connor still in Madrid? asks Pablo.

On his way to the airport, says the team manager. Who wants to know?

Pablo Neruda, says Pablo. 

Neruda? He's left you a message, says the team manager. Where is it.... ah yes.... he wants an extension.

He can have an extension, says Pablo, but I don't have his number.

The team manager gives Pablo Ben's number.

He calls it.

Hello? says Ben O'Connor.

It's me, Pablo, says Pablo.

Oh yeah, says Ben O'Connor. Do I get the extension? I've got poet's block.

Certainly, says Pablo. Take as long as you wish. And in return I'd like you to do me a favour.

What's that? asks Ben O'Connor. I'm at the airport.

When's your flight? asks Pablo.

In two hours, says Ben O'Connor.

Great, says Pablo. I'll be there in fifteen minutes.

Yes, but what... begins Ben O'Connor.

But Pablo has ended the call and is calling a taxi.

...

Madrid Airport.

Ben O'Connor is having a coffee, and watching the clock.

Pablo appears, with a box.

Hey! says Ben O'Connor. What's this favour you asked for?

Pablo opens the box, to reveal the Kroombit tinker.

Hello, Ben, says the tinker. I don't have to stay in this box. It was just for the taxi.

She hops out.

Hell's bells! says Ben O'Connor. Am I supposed to take her back to Australia?

That's what I'm hoping, says Pablo.

Big ask, says Ben O'Connor. I bet it's illegal.

She's a native, says Pablo. You'll be returnimg her home. How can that be illegal?

Ben O'Connor looks sceptical, for some reason.

The tinker decides to help her own cause.

I can be very elusive, says the tinker.

Ben O'Connor thinks about what that might mean.

Elusive. She could hide easily. Also, she is tiny.

I could help you with your poem, adds the tinker.

That does it.

Ben agrees to escort the tinker home.

Thanks, says Pablo. And don't worry about Baby Pierre. He won't be coming.

I wasn't, says Ben. 

But just then.....

Zoom. Baby Pierre zooms into the airport. 

Don't Split It

Now, says Pablo, I have to send you guys home.

Send? says the tinker.

I must return to Chile, says Pablo. 

We could come with you, says the tinker.

Not me, says Baby Pierre.

It would be best if you travelled together, says Pablo.

Yes, says the tinker. 

Okay, says Baby Pierre. We'll make our own way back to Australia.

I don't think so, says Pablo. I promised Arthur. Wait. I'll see if he's still in Paris.

He calls Arthur.

Arthur's phone rings for ages.

Until...

What? asks Arthur.

Where are you? asks Pablo.

In bed, says Arthur. 

The Vuelta's over, says Pablo. 

I know, says Arthur. How'd you go?

Middling, says Pablo.

And you called to tell me, says Arthur.

No, says Pablo. I called because I'm not sure how best to send your frog home.

What frog? asks Arthur. 

The Kroombit tinker, says Pablo. She's here with Baby Pierre. Are you still in France?

No, says Arthur. I'm back in Adelaide. 

Sleeping, says Pablo.

I was, says Arthur.

Sorry, says Pablo. What shall I do?

Arthur thinks.

Send them back with one of the Aussie riders, says Arthur.

Brilliant, says Pablo. I'll ask Ben O'Connor.

How'd he go? asks Arthur.

Great, says Pablo. He came second. He wore the red jersey for thirteen days.

He'll be in a good mood then, says Arthur.

And he owes me a poem, says Pablo. 

You ran a poetry competition? asks Arthur.

As always, says Pablo. The Kroombit tinker won this time, with O Hay!

Arthur sniggers.

Put her on, says Arthur.

Hello Arthur, says the tinker. I won the poetry competition. 

Good for you, says Arthur. 

And I won half a gold coin, says the tinker.

Who won the other half? asks Arthur.

Baby Pierre, says the tinker. We haven't got it yet. Pablo hasn't figured out how to split it.

Don't split it, says Arthur. It won't be worth anything.

Oh, says the tinker.

Bring it home with you, says Arthur. I'll fix it.

Okay, says the tinker. 

You'll be flying home with Ben O'Connor, says Arthur. 

Yikes, says the tinker. What if...?

But Arthur has pressed the red button and gone back to sleep.

Me Or Me

Madrid. It's the time trials today.

Baby Pierre and the tinker both love the time trials.

Best one of you and me gets a gold coin, says the tinker.

It'll be me, says Baby Pierre.

Or me, says the tinker.

Where will we get the gold coin? asks Baby Pierre.

Madrid's a big city, says the tinker. We'll find one.

They are waiting near Pablo, who is about to go down the chute for his time trial.

I'll provide the gold coin, says Pablo.

Bang!

Pablo goes off.

That was nice of Pablo, says the tinker.

Wait, says Baby Pierre. How will we know who's the winner? No one times us.

We'll go together, says the tinker.

Not allowed, says Baby Pierre.

Who cares? says the tinker.

They zoom down the chute together, before the next rider.

They zoom through the streets of Madrid.

They pass Pablo, who doesn't notice.

Baby Pierre draws ahead.

The tinker makes an effort.

She draws level with Baby Pierre.

She won't let him beat her. There'll be no end to his boasting.

Oh hay!

And the rest of it. 

Baby Pierre really wants the gold coin.

And is not above cheating.

He sticks out a knee.

The tinker sees it and swerves.

She then draws ahead.

Baby Pierre sees his gold coin disappearing.

He makes an effort.

Hola! The tinker and Baby Pierre finish together.

Although no one sees.

Pablo arrives, half a minute later. His time is quite good. 

Which of you won? asks Pablo.

We drew, says the tinker.

You'll have to share the gold coin, says Pablo.

The tinker is happy, but Baby Pierre does not like the idea of sharing one coin.

They wait at the finish for all the other riders to complete their time trial.

They have to.

We all do.

Because the last rider is Primoz Roglic and the fastest rider so far is Stefan Kung.

Uh-oh! Stefan Kung's time is faster.

But Primoz's time is next fastest, and so....

Primoz is overall winner of the Vuelta. 

Second Reckoned

The last day of mountain climbing before the time trials tomorrow.

The teams ride out of Villarcayo.

Primoz Roglic is in red.

And determined to stay there.

Snippets of poetry form in his head.

Be the fox where it counts....

Okay that's not too great. But nor is it great to end a line with an obvious word such as fox.

Because what rhymes with fox? 

Box, pox, sox.....

And also, sox is bad spelling.

He wonders if the poem must be in English

He should ask Pablo.

But no! 

He must concentrate on impoving his lead over Ben O'Connor.

It's not over yet.

Ben O'Connor is not even thinking of his poem. He must at least retain overall second position.

Here he comes now, in the blue-green jersey of Decathlon AG2R La Mondiale.

He passes Pablo.

Go for second, shouts Pablo. Or something like that.

Ben O'Connor gives Pablo the finger, and catches up with his team mate, Bruno.

What did Pablo say? asks Bruno.

He reckoned I should settle for second, says Ben O'Connor.

That makes quite a nice rhyme, says Bruno. Reckoned and second.

I can't think that way, says Ben O'Connor.

No of course not, says Bruno. 

They speed off into the distance.

Up and down seven categorised mountains.

Seven.

Let us cut to the end.

Here comes Eddie Dunbar.

He has passed Enric Mas and finished first on the Picon Blanco.

Good for him.

Primoz comes in third. Now he has 2 minutes and 2 seconds over Ben O'Connor.

Who nevertheless at this point is still coming second.

Which is fine.

According to what Pablo reckoned.

Too Much Too Soon

Stage nineteen, with an uphill arrival at Alto de Moncalvillo.

Primoz Roglic has a good feeling. The red fox is ready.

Baby Pierre too is ready.

He feels better. Yesterday he did too much too soon.

Too much too soon

O moon O moon.

He should write that down for the poetry competition.

It rhymes perfectly, and has the right number of syllables.

Furthermore, it captures his feelings exactly.

He is zooming back and forth through the riders and almost crashes into his teammate, the Kroombit tinker.

Watch out stupid! says the tinker.

Hey! says Baby Pierre. Don't talk to me like that. I'm your captain.

Not any more, says the tinker. I resign.

You can't, says Baby Pierre. Or we'll both be disqualified.

You're so careless, says the tinker. 

I had an accident, says Baby Pierre. 

You made it up, says the tinker.

See these scars, says Baby Pierre.

No, the tinker can't see them.

How's your poem going? asks Baby Pierre, changing the subject.

I'm re-doing it, says the tinker. How about yours?

Listen to this, says Baby Pierre: 

O moon O moon

I did too much too soon.

Too many syllables, says the tinker. And it's crazy. 

I can fix it, says Baby Pierre. 

Leave out the moon, says the tinker.

If I leave out the moon I've got nothing, says Baby Pierre.

Too bad, says the tinker. You should have thought of that before you put the moon in it.

She rides away, to see if she can find Pablo.

The race is half over already.

Pablo is riding alongside Ben O'Connor.

Ben O'Connor is grumbling that his legs feel a bit average today.

Chin up, says Pablo.

Ben O'Connor makes an effort, and pedals away.

The tinker draws level with Pablo.

Listen to this, says the tinker. O moon O moon I did too much too soon.

Lucky Ben O'Connor didn't hear that, says Pablo.

Meanwhile up ahead in both time and distance, Primoz Roglic is ascending the Alto de Moncalvillo 

Yes! A solo finish 46 seconds ahead of David Gaudu.

And one minute and 54 seconds ahead of Ben O'Connor. 

No one can say Roglic did too much too soon.

Excellent Tactic

Yes, a day is long.

Yesterday was long for Baby Pierre.

But today, he feels better.

He discards his bandage. Woo hoo!

No cracks.

He's back to his old self again.

He zooms out of Vitoria-Gasteiz, leaving the other riders behind him.

It's a hilly day, in the Basque country.

Tactics are required.

The Kroombit tinker is riding with Pablo.

What are our tactics? asks the tinker.

Aren't you with Baby Pierre? asks Pablo. What are his tactics?

We're not speaking, says the tinker. He tells lies.

Did he come up with a cock and bull story? asks Pablo.

Yes, says the tinker. He says he was rescued by a vulture.

That does seem far fetched, says Pablo.

Ben O'Connor rides by.

I hope you have good tactics worked out for today, says Pablo.

Don't worry, I have, says Ben O'Connor. Stay level with Roglic.

He speeds off. He has plenty of time to execute his tactic.

Did Baby Pierre explain why the vulture helped him? asks Pablo.

Not only helped him, but gave him a bandage, says the tinker.

A vulture wouldn't do that, says Pablo.

That's what I said, says the tinker. 

Is he better today? asks Pablo.

His bandage is off, says the tinker.

A fast healer, says Pablo. Did the vulture rescue his bicycle too?

Must have, says the tinker. He's back on it.

They continue pedalling together.

It's almost as if they are team mates.

Team mates who don't have a tactic.

Baby Pierre has stopped in Villafria, about 20k from the finish.

He is, to be honest, quite tired.

A vulture swoops down.

Keep going! says the vulture. You're only 20k from the finish.

I'm resting, says Baby Pierre. 

Where's your bandage? asks the vulture.

I threw it away, says Baby Pierre. 

I said I wanted it back, says the vulture.

Go and find it, says Baby Pierre. It's back at Vitoria-Gasteiz.

The vulture rolls its eyes and flies off to recover the discarded bandage.

Baby Pierre remains where he is, resting.

He is passed by a breakaway containing, among others, Urko Berrade.

Who is destined for the stage win today, due to an excellent tactic. 

A Day Is Long

Stage seventeen of the Vuelta

Monumento Juan de Castillo to Santander.

Today's flat finish will be a chance for the sprinters.

Pablo, not being a sprinter, is thinking of a line for his poem:

A day is long...

He thinks about Baby Pierre. Perhaps lying among unfeeling pebbles who don't speak his language.

Perhaps a vulture has spotted him far down in the ravine.

And swooped down to inspect him. 

And swooped up again, because Baby Pierre is a pebble.

And although the o-rings looked like split gooseberries, they were made of green rubber.

Pablo pedals on.

Kaden Groves is up ahead. Pablo draws level.

Going for it today? asks Pablo.

You bet, says Kaden Groves. See you at the finish.

He accelerates, in a confident way.

The Kroombit tinker comes up behind Pablo.

I've seen Baby Pierre! cries the tinker.

In a vision? asks Pablo.

No, in a bandage, says the tinker.

But he disappeared on the Cuitu Negru, says Pablo. Are you sure it was him?

He's kind of unmistakeable, says the Kroombit tinker.

Even in a bandage? asks Pablo.

Even so, says the tinker. The round shape, the skinny legs, the green o-wheels. It could only be him.

Is he behind us? asks Pablo.

Yes, says the tinker. He wasn't going that fast.

Perhaps we should wait for him, says Pablo.

He'd be embarrassed, says the tinker.

So they do not slow down.

A few low mountains later and the riders have all reached the flat part.

The streets are wet in Santander.

Tricky.

A mass bunch sprint occurs, spraying the spectators.

It's a close one

Kaden Groves gets the stage win, pipping Pavel Bittner and Vito Braet.

Kaden Groves will now wear the green jersey.

Ben O'Connor retains his five second lead over Roglic.

Five seconds! That's tiny.

Speaking of which, a small pebble in a bandage has just come in last.

Thinking Of Bears

The final week of the Vuelta.

Another mountain stage today, finishing at Lagos de Covadonga.

There should be a good view from there, says Pablo, to a second Pablo.

The beautiful lakes, says the second Pablo. And perhaps we shall spot a brown bear.

A brown bear? says the Kroombit tinker. Don't they eat people?

Not when they're on bikes, says Pablo.

Bears on bikes? says the tinker.

The Pablos laugh, and head for the start line.

Ben O'Connor is there, in his red jersey.

Go well today, says Pablo.

Thanks, says Ben O'Connor. Every second is precious. Any news of Baby Pierre?

Not yet, says Pablo. We think he may have fallen into a ravine,

But we don't KNOW! says the tinker. He might just be sulking.

Bang! The riders ride out of Luanco. 

The first 70 kilometres are relatively flat.

Pablo rides alongside Marc Soler for a while.

I have a good feeling about today, says Marc Soler.

Then you should go with it, says Pablo. But watch out for bears.

You're kidding me, says Marc Soler. Never seen one.

Me either, says Pablo.

Marc Soler pedals away, thinking about bears, and what would he do if he saw one, probably freak out and go even faster.... but that may not be smart.... it depends on the timing.... 

He tells himself not to think any more about bears.

Pablo hears trouble behind him.

A crash has occurred.

He forges ahead. As you're supposed to.

The Kroombit tinker has turned back to look.

Could it be Baby Pierre who has caused it? Which would mean Baby Pierre was okay.

Because he never gets hurt in the crashes he causes.

It's Wout van Aert, in a crash with some others.

Wout is bleeding. He gets back on his bike, but has to get off again.

That's it for him. 

The tinker looks around for Baby Pierre. 

But if he was here, he now isn't.

She looks skywards.

A bearded vulture flaps slowly away.

She keeps riding. Trying to catch up with Pablo.

Up the steep slopes of the Covadonga.

It is wet now and misty. 

Marc Soler has reached the summit first and commenced the downhill run to the finish.

He wins the stage, in conditions of low visibility.

He was right to stop thinking of bears. 

Spanish Speaking Pebbles

A rest day, in Oviedo. 

The Pablos are having lunch in the Plaza Escandalera.

Near the fountain, in front of Casa Conde.

The Pablos have brought snacks. Empanadas, croquetas, almondras fritas....

The Kroombit tinker has joined them.

Pablo ( our Pablo) offers her an empanada.

What's in it? asks the tinker.

Pork and vegetables says Pablo.

No, thank you, says the tinker.

Does anyone know what happened to Baby Pierre yesterday? asks a second Pablo.

The third and fourth Pablos shake their heads.

I'm not worried about him, says the tinker.

Perhaps he's feeling offended, says Pablo.

He laughed when I told him you'd asked me to try and rein him in, says the tinker.

Do I smell hot chocolate? asks a Pablo.

No, says another of the Pablos. Shall I go and buy churros?

Yes go, says the Pablo. 

Get something for me, says the tinker.

Like what? asks the Pablo who is going.

Insect, worm, spider, says the tinker. I'm not bothered.

The Pablo goes off. Perhaps he'll see a spider in the churro shop.

What if he fell down a ravine? asks the fourth Pablo.

He is a reckless speeder, says the tinker. He might well have.

Imagine that, says Pablo (our Pablo). He may be lying in a ravine of the Cuitu Negru amongst countless other pebbles.

With his green o-wheels, says the tinker.

Does he speak Spanish? asks the fourth Pablo.

Not usually, says the tinker.

Ever? asks the fourth Pablo.

Why do you ask? asks the tinker.

The other pebbles will speak Spanish, says the Pablo. And if he doesn't, he can't ask them for help.

It should be obvious to the other pebbles that a newly-fallen pebble with a bicycle at the bottom of their ravine needed help, says the tinker.

A delicious aroma of hot chocolate and churros fills the air, distracting everyone.

The Pablo who went for the churros has come back.

Each of the Pablos grabs a churro and dips it in the hot chocolate. Mmmm. Cielo!

Anything for me? asks the tinker.

The shop was too clean, says the Pablo. But I thought you might like to try these chicharrones.

He tips a few from a paper bag, in front of the tinker.

They are curly, like grubs.

She eats several before realising they must be fried pork rinds.

O yuck.

O well.

O hay.

One Fast Pablo

A crucial day for the GC riders. A shake-up is expected,

This will be a hard day, says Pablo.

His team mates in Los Chilenos agree.

Let's stick together, says one of the Pablos.

Good plan, say the others.

They form a solid bunch of Pablos in the midst of the peloton.

Ben O'Connor comes up behind them.

Bad tactic, says Ben O'Connor.

Depends, replies Pablo.

Anyone seen Baby Pierre? asks Ben O'Connor.

Not today, says Pablo. He's been asked to slow down.

As if, says Ben O'Connor.

You'd better get going, says Pablo. 

Yeah, I'd better, says Ben O'Connor. Big day.

Everyone toils up and down the challenging mountains. 

And still they have not reached the agonisingly steep slopes of the Cuitu Negru.

>>>>

Now they have.

The Pablos are fading. Including Pablo.

The Kroombit tinker is valiantly pedalling, while dreaming of flies.

O hay! I dream of fat flies. 

Primoz Roglic has changed his bike at the start of the climb.

To catch up he drafts behind the team car.

And is penalised twenty seconds.

But still he gains time on Ben O'Connor.

The gap between them is now only 46 seconds.

Up ahead, who is this? The crowd shouts Pablo! Pablo!

But which Pablo?

It is Pablo Castillo, the young Spanish Pablo, who came first on Stage 12.

He has broken away from Alex Vlasov and Pavel Sivakov.

And triumphed in the mists of Cuitu Negru.

Where is Baby Pierre? 

Was he at the top, waiting?

Good question.

No one has seen him.