So You Have A History

Trafficked Animals, says the Trafficked Animals officer. How may I help you?

Ah yes, says Gaius. I'm not sure I have the right department.

Try me, says the Trafficked Animals officer.

Have you recently come into possession of a Kroombit tinker? asks Gaius.

Not me personally, says the Trafficked Animals officer. It was intercepted in International Arrivals.

So where is it at present? asks Gaius.

Being checked by our people, says the officer. Do you wish to make a statement regarding this trafficked animal?

Yes, says Gaius. First of all she is not being trafficked. I, perhaps foolishly, took her with me to Italy for the start of the Tour de France, in which I was competing, after which....

Why would you do that? asks the officer.

I compete regularly, says Gaius. In Team Philosophe, or Team Condor, depending...

I meant, why take an endangered frog? asks the officer.

It's a long story, says Gaius.

Shorten it, says the officer.

Very well, says Gaius. My young companion Terence decided that the three pobblebonks from Kroombit Tops should join Baby Pierre, who rides in the Tour de France unofficially.

This is a bad line, says the officer. Did you mention a baby?

Baby Pierre is pebble, says Gaius. He rides alone, but Terence thought...

Is this relevant? asks the officer.

Yes, says Gaius. Or perhaps not. In short, the Kroombit tinker was enlisted as house mother for the pobblebonks, and this worked quite well until they all died.

So you have a history, says the officer.

The pobblebonks are not endangered, says Gaius. 

It would seem those three were, says the officer.

What? says Gaius. Oh, yes. Dark humour.

I was not being funny, says the officer. Do you realise there's a huge fine for trafficking endangered species?

I do, says Gaius. But this frog had no way to get home until Ben O'Connor kindly agreed to accompany her.

Ben O'Connor claims he has nothing to do with it, says the officer. We're about to let him go.

Yes, let him go, says Gaius. All you need to do is send the frog on to Adelaide. 

You expect us to do that? says the officer. 

It's the right thing to do, says Gaius. I'll see she gets home to Kroombit Tops safely. 

Who are you to tell us the right thing to do? says the officer. You lost her.

Gaius Plinius Secundus, says Gaius. Would you like to see my ID?

The Trafficked Animals officer has heard of Gaius Plinius Secundus.

And is therefore inclined to cooperate.