An Awful Invention.

Let us hope it will be dry by the morning, says Gaius.

I think you'll find it needs the sun to dry it properly, says old Phillip Hill.

Do you happen to know when check-out time is? asks Gaius.

No, says old Phillip. I'm only here at night.

They have arrived at the door of the suite.

They enter.

Guess what? shouts Terence, running into the self catering area.

Hey, little buddy, says Sweezus. Where've you been?

Outside, says Terence. I was just standing in the pavilion when a scary old man put his hand on my shoulder.

Shitballs! says Sweezus.

Fear not, says Gaius, entering with old Phillip, and Arthur. No harm was done.

Any chocolates left? asks Arthur.

He looks into the box, which is two thirds empty.

Apologies, says Kant. We've had more than our share. But we haven't touched the fruit bowl.

Arthur ignores the fruit bowl and scrabbles in the box for a chocolate. 

What's this one? A Turkish Delight.

Probably the hard jellyish type.

Allow me to introduce Mr Phillip Hill, the former head master of Goolwa Primary School, says Gaius. Phillip Hill, this is Immanuel Kant the philosopher and Sweezus, a colleague. 

Hi, says Sweezus. 

Pleased to meet you, says Kant.

He was going to put me in a farmery, says Terence. But Gaius stopped him.

What is a farmery? asks Kant.

The boy misheard me, says old Phillip Hill. The word was infirmary.

Of course there's no infirmary there now, says Gaius. It must have been where the pool is.

Yeah, how'd that go? asks Sweezus.

I went in and swished it around a bit, says Arthur.

So where is it? asks Kant.

On a bush outside, says Arthur.

Bring it in, says Sweezus. It'll dry faster in here if we crank up the heat.

What a good idea, says Gaius. Arthur will you...?

Arthur takes another chocolate and goes out. 

It's a strawberry cream.

Sweezus is interviewing Kant for an online magazine called Velosophy, says Gaius.

What is an online magazine? asks old Phillip.

It's like, a magazine, says Sweezus, but you read it on your laptop or phone.

How times have changed, says old Phillip.

They have, says Kant. Would you believe that I now ride a bicycle?

I would, says old Phillip. And I would not be the least bit surprised. I myself ride a bicycle.

I didn't mean that, says Kant. I meant that I am not a person who likes to try anything new. And yet here I am. Riding a bicycle, taking the temperature of seawater with a thermometer, helping to bury parts of a dead maugean skate on the beach.

And here I am, in this....err.. I suppose it's a kitchen. But where are the pots? And what's that white box with knobs and a window? asks old Phillip.

 A microwave, says Gaius. A foolish invention.

Why so? asks old Phillip. 

It heats things up from the middle, says Gaius. Example: Put in a cold pie. Turn it on. Ding! Take the pie out. Bite into the pie, All seems well, the pastry is warmish. But you soon discover that the filling is boiling and your tongue has been burned. There goes your enjoyment.

Old Phillip looks shocked.

What an awful invention.