If You Were My Man

Sweezus checks the weather forecast on his phone.

High tides, windy, cold and wet, says Sweezus. 

That need not deter us, says Gaius. Although I imagine you were thinking of surfing.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Looks like surfing's off.

I hope I shall get my afternoon walk in, says Kant.

Do you do it rain or shine? asks Sweezus.

I do, says Kant. If it looks like rain my man follows me with an umbrella.

You have a man? asks Sweezus.

Not here, says Kant. Back at home. I wonder how he's doing?

You should send him a post card, says Gaius.

What a nice idea, says Kant. 

Or an SMS, says Sweezus. With a photo.

Even better, says Kant. It would be more immediate.

Indeed, says Gaius. Would you like to use my phone? You don't seem to have one.

Perhaps you could show me how, says Kant.

First, says Gaius, we take a photo. What would you like to be seen to be doing?

Perhaps looking out of the window, says Kant. 

Excellent, says Gaius. Go and stand by the window. 

Kant goes to stand by the window.

It's raining, says Kant. That may worry my man.

Yes, says Gaius. He may wonder if you have an umbrella.

Which I don't, says Kant.

Do it later, says Sweezus.

Yes, says Gaius. When the sun comes out. Remind us to do it.

When are we going to the beach? asks Terence.

As soon as everyone's ready, says Gaius. 

Everyone? says Arthur.

I assume you'll be coming, says Gaius. We need all hands on deck to count the dead fish.

I'm coming, says Terence. I'm the temperature guy.

That's the spirit, says Gaius. But keep away from the water.

Okay, says Terence. What shall I take the temperature of?

The sand, says Sweezus. Or the dead fish.

Yuck, says Terence.

Ready to go? asks Gaius.

Yes, everyone is.

They leave the Rose Eden apartment. 

They walk past the pavillion.

They walk to the hotel car park.

And pile into the car.

The manager comes out of the hotel.

Wait! cries the manager.

But they have driven away.

Shit! says Sweezus. The manager! Didn't he want to make a promotional video?

So he did, says Gaius. We'll come back later and explain that we needed to get to the beach now the weather is changing.

Drop me off, says Arthur. I'll go back and explain.

It's me he wants, says Kant. Drop me off as well.

Sweezus stops the car.

Arthur and Kant get out and start walking back towards the Goolwa hotel in the increasing rain.

If you were my man... begins Kant.

We'd have an umbrella, says Arthur.