Categorical Imperative

Top schnitty, says Sweezus.

Mine too, says Gaius. Oysters go well with crumbed beef. Don't you agree Arthur?

But Arthur hasn't started his schnitty. 

He is watching Kant pick the pineapple chunks off his Hawaiian.

And laying them out on the rim of his plate.

Don't you like the pineapple? asks Arthur.

I might eat it later, says Kant. If I order ice cream.

Good thinking, says Arthur. And if you don't, you can still eat the pineapple.

Yeah, says Sweezus. But don't leave it there on the plate. They might take it away.

What's this? asks Gaius.

He wants to eat the pineapple later, says Sweezus. I was just saying, don't leave it there on the plate.

Where else can I leave it? asks Kant.

Give it to me, says Terence. 

What will you do with it? asks Gaius.

Have it on my plate, says Terence. 

That is a  good idea, says Kant. 

He scrapes the pineapple chunks onto Terence's plate.

And starts eating his pineapple-free schnitty.

Arthur starts his Kilpatrick.

Everything all right? asks a passing server.

Awesome, says Sweezus. 

The server looks at Terence's plate.

Don't you like your pineapple? asks the server.

I'm watching it, says Terence. Don't take it away.

Would you like some ice cream with it? asks the server.

Yes! says Terence. Can it be red?

No, we don't do red ice cream, says the server, but we do have strawberry topping. And if you stir it for long enough, what do you think will happen?

It'll melt, says Terence.

And turn red, says the server. 

More like pink, says Gaius.

Okay more like pink, says the server. Well, what do you say?

Yes please, says Terence.

The server picks up Terence's plate and takes it away.

That wasn't meant to happen, says Terence.

She'll bring it back, says Sweezus. With ice cream and strawberry topping.

I hope you like strawberry topping, says Gaius, to Kant.

Hey! says Terence. That strawberry topping should be mine.

It will be difficult to separate from the ice cream, says Gaius.

I can eat both, says Terence. 

But Kant wanted the ice cream for his pineapple, says Gaius. Let's see what he thinks about this.

About what? asks Kant, swallowing the last tasty morsel of his schnitty, and wiping his mouth.

An ethical judgement, says Gaius. Whose ice cream will it be?

Kant considers. 

Should he bring up the idea of the categorical imperative?