Just Rip Off The Paper

Separate, says Terence.

Not a problem, says the server.

She goes away and comes back with a saucer of pineapple pieces.

That's for him, says Terence.

Are these the same pieces you took away earlier? asks Kant.

Sure are, says the server. See the schnitty crumbs?

I wonder about the bacteria, says Gaius.

Bacteria? says Kant. What bacteria?

Your schnitzel was warm, says Gaius. I'm just saying.

Can I eat my icecream? asks Terence.

Stir it first, says the server.

Are we sharing it? asks Terence.

No, says Kant. In fact, I don't think I'll have anything.

Good decision, says Gaius.

Yeah, says Sweezus. Who's for a beer?

Me! says Terence.

You already had one, says Sweezus. 

He orders four beers.

And a toothpick, says Arthur. I've got oyster bits stuck in my teeth.

Floss is better, says the server. 

Floss then, says Arthur.

We don't give out floss, says the server.

She goes off to the bar, for the beers.

Who ARE those guys? asks the bartender.

Don't know, says the server. But the one on the right wants a toothpick.

I'll find him a toothpick, says the bartender.

He goes to the cocktail drawer and takes out a paper umbrella.

Tell him to use this, says the bartender. And tell him we don't want it back.

The server laughs, and takes four beers and the paper umbrella to the table where Arthur and the others are sitting.

This is for you, compliments of the bartender, says the server.

Free beer, cool, says Sweezus.

No, just the paper umbrella, says the server.

What am I meant to do with a paper umbrella? asks Arthur.

They're made out of toothpicks, says the server. Just rip off the paper.

Ingenious, says Gaius.

This is the sort of thing I expected to find on top of my Hawaiian schnitty, says Kant.

You must have been disappointed, says the server. 

I never allow myself to feel disappointed, says Kant.

He's a philosopher. explains Sweezus.

A famous one? asks the server.

Not so much nowadays, says Kant.

Yeah, he is, says Sweezus. He's Immanuel Kant. Bet you've heard of him.

She hasn't. 

But he's famous, so she asks for a selfie.