Many Different Kinds

Sweezus knocked on the door of the Camus family's apartment.

Sweezus! cried the twins. Come and play penguins!

Not now, said Sweezus. I'm starving. What's for breakfast?

Mini-Wheats, said Francine. The children don't much like them.

Oh, said Sweezus. Shall I help myself?

Please do, said Francine. I'll get the coffee.

Camus was at the table eating toast and strawberry jam.

Sweezus, he said, contemplatively. Why does your name seem so familiar?

Are you on Twitter? asked Sweezus. Perhaps you follow me.

Twitter? said Camus. I think not. I have no interest in the social media.

Don't knock it till you try it, said Sweezus. It helps me with my writing. I've just completed a creative writing course. My teacher encouraged me to tweet.

What do you tweet about? asked Camus.

The night sky, said Sweezus. It's really cool. No one else is doing it. One of my followers wrote and told me I ought to be a writter.

A writter? said Camus. What's a writter?

I assumed they meant a writer, said Sweezus. And they couldn't spell.

That's good, said Camus. It means you're making progress, when you start to get some feedback.

That's what I think, said Sweezus, but I just don't seem able to write this article for Marie and Belle et Bonne. A bicycle story I can do, but it's the philosophical aspect that's holding me up.

Aha, said Camus. Just write about what you know.

Yeah, exactly, said Sweezus. And philosophy isn't my thing.

There are many different kinds of philosophy, said Camus. Existentialism, absurdism, determinism, nihilism, naturalism, stoicism.......

You're kidding me! said Sweezus. Wow!

A Coincidence

That Samuel Beckett was a strange man, said Belle et Bonne, the following day. Did you notice, papa, that he didn't have a limp.

That's Samuel Beckett for you, said The VeloDrone, comfortably. Sometimes he limps, and sometimes he doesn't. It's something to do with existentialism, or absurdism. Or is it post modernism? I'm never quite sure of the difference.

It's something to do with not telling the truth, said Belle et Bonne, disapprovingly. I'm not looking forward to his story.

But you told him you were, observed her papa.

Belle et Bonne ignored this remark.

I don't know why you chose him to be the next contributor, she said. My friend Simone will be sending us her story soon.

Simone de Beauvoir! said the VeloDrone. That was months ago now. How long must we wait for this woman?

I don't know papa, but she'll surely write soon. I'll just check the inbox again....oh look, here's something from her, let me see......

You look alarmed my dear, said The VeloDrone.

Oh no! She's fallen off her bicycle and broken a tooth, papa!

Dear me! What happened?

She says she was riding along a country lane, when she turned a corner and crashed headlong into a man with a stiff leg, and crutches!

Stage 18 - Irritations

The members of Team Philosophe are feeling discouraged. During the whole of the Tour so far they have never even progressed to the middle of the peloton.

The VeloDrone: One may as well stay home and cultivate one's garden!

Le Bon David: Or edit one's magazine.

Jean Paul Sartre: That's right. You two edit a magazine. I had forgotten. What is it about again?

The VeloDrone: Cycling, and philosophy. Would you like to contribute something, when the Tour is over? I think Belle et Bonne is going to ask Simone.

Jean Paul Sartre: Belle et Bonne! That girl is a puzzle to me.

The VeloDrone: Why? She is a treasure, but I have never found her a puzzle.

Le Bon David: Oh, she can be a puzzle. She will insist on calling me her uncle.

The VeloDrone: That is entirely your own fault, David. But tell me Jean Paul, why do you find her a puzzle?

Jean Paul Sartre: She told me that she had no difficulty understanding existentialism. She said it was about how irritating life can be if we let it.

The VeloDrone: Hee hee! That's good. So it is! So is all philosophy if you think about it.

Jean Paul Sartre: I asked her what she found irritating about her own life, and do you know
what she told me?

The VeloDrone: Nothing.

Jean Paul Sartre: How did you know?

Le Bon David: He is her father.

Jean Paul Sartre: No he isn't. Anyway, if she finds nothing to irritate her in her life, how can she understand existentialism?

The VeloDrone: Do you mean to say you agree with her definition of it?

Jean Paul Sartre: No, I'm just saying .....

Le Bon David: He's got you there, Jean Paul. But let's not argue. We'll soon be in Bordeaux. Who's for a glass of red?

Stage 17 - Contingencies

The last day in the Pyrenees. Will it rain? Will Andy Schleck make up the time he lost to Contador ? Will Team Philosophe regret the pies they gobbled yesterday? These are questions Simone and Belle have not yet thought to ask.

Simone de Beauvoir: I was interested to hear your story yesterday.

Belle et Bonne: And why not? It is quite interesting.

Simone de Beauvoir: Yes, but I also discovered that you and I have something in common.

Belle et Bonne: You are adopted?

Simone de Beauvoir: No. But you were sent to a convent because your parents were too poor to afford a dowry, and I was told by my father that I would never marry, for the same reason!

Belle et Bonne: What? But you lived in the twentieth century!

Simone de Beauvoir: Nevertheless, it is true. My family were middle class, but my grandfather went bankrupt the year after I was born, and was unable to pay my parents my mother's dowry.

Belle et Bonne: Bizarre! But you didn't care, did you?

Simone de Beauvoir: Of course not. I didn't want to marry. Jean Paul didn't want to either.

Belle et Bonne: He's a funny old thing, isn't he.

Simone de Beauvoir: Well it is difficult being an existentialist. It is hard to explain to people exactly what it is. He has never really been able to do it satisfactorily.

Belle et Bonne: But I thought everybody knew what it was.

Simone De Beauvoir: People only think they know what it is until they try to put it into words.

Belle et Bonne: I'm sure I could do it! Existentialism is just about how irritating life can be, if we let it.

Simone de Beauvoir: Oh my dear, that's good! You must tell it to Jean Paul. Oh no! It's starting to rain! How irritating. Let's stop and shelter under a tree.