It is Stage Seven. Ouvert is in Arthur's pocket. He is not very comfortable because of the other things in Arthur's pocket. A pencil. A notebook. A chocolate bar. A couple of dirty bandages.
Ouvert: Are we in La Rochelle yet?
Arthur: Are you joking, lucky stone? We have to finish the race. We're heading to La Planche des Belles Filles. And I'm going to win the stage now I've got you.
Ouvert: That's what you think. I'm not obliged to be lucky for you.
Arthur: Oh yes you are, lucky stone.
Ouvert: Stop calling me lucky stone. My name is Ouvert.
Arthur: That name rings a bell. Ouvert...pinhead! Are you the one Gaius called a pinhead? He said you were reading my poems?
Ouvert: Poems? What poems?
Arthur: Illuminations.
Ouvert: You're Arthur Rimbaud! Yes I was. They were really crap poems.
Arthur: They were wrung from my soul at great cost.
Ouvert: They should have stayed where they were.
Arthur: Shut up and start being lucky.
Ouvert: No. I choose who's going to be lucky. And it's not you, Arthur Rimbaud. It's....
Arthur: Who? Sagan! Not Sagan! Greipel? Not him!
Ouvert: Who's that just went past us?
Arthur: Froome.
Ouvert: Well, well! Lucky Froome!
.....
Not surprisingly, Froome goes on to win Stage Seven.
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
Epernay to Metz : Into A New Pocket
Stage Six is over. Peter Sagan has won his third stage. Arthur is convinced that Sagan too must have a lucky stone.
In the crash before the finish, Gaius came off his bike and now has bandages on both knees. Did he have a lucky stone? Yes and no. The stone in his pocket turned out to be Ouvert.
Gaius: Now Arthur, do you see that there's no such thing as a lucky stone?
Arthur: Greipel has got one. And Sagan too, I bet.
Sweezus: But Gaius has got one, and he fell off his bike.
Gaius: That wasn't a lucky stone. It was Ouvert!
Ouvert: I am a lucky stone. I'm back in France!
Sweezus: Why's that lucky?
Ouvert: I'm going home to La Rochelle.
Belle et Bonne: But Ouvert, Metz is nowhere near La Rochelle!
Ouvert: It isn't?
Arthur: I'll have him, if you don't want him.
Gaius: Go ahead, have him.
Ouvert: No one can have me.
Sweezus: Well said, Ouvert!
Belle et Bonne: Yes Arthur, you can't just pick up a stone and think you own it.
Arthur: What! It's just a stone!
Sweezus: Go and find your own stone.
Ouvert: Thank you, Sweezus. Arthur?
Arthur: What?
Ouvert: I'll be your lucky stone if.....
Arthur: Yes?
Ouvert: ....if you take me to La Rochelle.
Arthur: Alright, get in.
Ouvert gets in to Arthur's pocket.
In the crash before the finish, Gaius came off his bike and now has bandages on both knees. Did he have a lucky stone? Yes and no. The stone in his pocket turned out to be Ouvert.
Gaius: Now Arthur, do you see that there's no such thing as a lucky stone?
Arthur: Greipel has got one. And Sagan too, I bet.
Sweezus: But Gaius has got one, and he fell off his bike.
Gaius: That wasn't a lucky stone. It was Ouvert!
Ouvert: I am a lucky stone. I'm back in France!
Sweezus: Why's that lucky?
Ouvert: I'm going home to La Rochelle.
Belle et Bonne: But Ouvert, Metz is nowhere near La Rochelle!
Ouvert: It isn't?
Arthur: I'll have him, if you don't want him.
Gaius: Go ahead, have him.
Ouvert: No one can have me.
Sweezus: Well said, Ouvert!
Belle et Bonne: Yes Arthur, you can't just pick up a stone and think you own it.
Arthur: What! It's just a stone!
Sweezus: Go and find your own stone.
Ouvert: Thank you, Sweezus. Arthur?
Arthur: What?
Ouvert: I'll be your lucky stone if.....
Arthur: Yes?
Ouvert: ....if you take me to La Rochelle.
Arthur: Alright, get in.
Ouvert gets in to Arthur's pocket.
Friday, July 6, 2012
Stages 4 and 5: Lucky Stone
It's the end of Stage Five. Andre Greipel has won two in a row. Arthur decides to follow him about, hoping to be noticed.
Andre Greipel: Excuse me!
Arthur Rimbaud: Yes, what?
Andre Greipel: Stop following me about.
Arthur Rimbaud: But I want to be like you.
Andre Greipel: Then let me give you some advice. Work hard, eat well, and find yourself a lucky stone.
Arthur Rimbaud: A lucky stone! Thank you, Andre.
He goes off to look for Gaius and Sweezus.
.........
Gaius and Sweezus are discussing race tactics.
Sweezus: What we need is a leader.
Gaius: I'm the leader.
Sweezus: I mean, it's not the same without The VeloDrone.
Gaius: I thought I was doing well as the leader. I advised Arthur not to eat mints.
Sweezus: Arthur! He's not a team player. He's been hanging aroung Andre Greipel. What sort of....?
Arthur Rimbaud: Hi guys!
Sweezus: At last! You're late for the race tactics meeting.
Gaius: It should have been me that said that.
Sweezus: See what I mean!
Arthur Rimbaud: Tactics, ho ho! Wait till you hear this. Andre Greipel has a lucky stone!
Gaius: Does he indeed?
Sweezus: I thought you had a lucky stone.
Gaius: No. I don't think so.
Sweezus: Then what's that in your pocket?
They all look at Gaius's pocket.
And there does appear to be something inside it.
Andre Greipel: Excuse me!
Arthur Rimbaud: Yes, what?
Andre Greipel: Stop following me about.
Arthur Rimbaud: But I want to be like you.
Andre Greipel: Then let me give you some advice. Work hard, eat well, and find yourself a lucky stone.
Arthur Rimbaud: A lucky stone! Thank you, Andre.
He goes off to look for Gaius and Sweezus.
.........
Gaius and Sweezus are discussing race tactics.
Sweezus: What we need is a leader.
Gaius: I'm the leader.
Sweezus: I mean, it's not the same without The VeloDrone.
Gaius: I thought I was doing well as the leader. I advised Arthur not to eat mints.
Sweezus: Arthur! He's not a team player. He's been hanging aroung Andre Greipel. What sort of....?
Arthur Rimbaud: Hi guys!
Sweezus: At last! You're late for the race tactics meeting.
Gaius: It should have been me that said that.
Sweezus: See what I mean!
Arthur Rimbaud: Tactics, ho ho! Wait till you hear this. Andre Greipel has a lucky stone!
Gaius: Does he indeed?
Sweezus: I thought you had a lucky stone.
Gaius: No. I don't think so.
Sweezus: Then what's that in your pocket?
They all look at Gaius's pocket.
And there does appear to be something inside it.
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Orchies to Boulogne-sur-Mer : Knees and Mints
Stage Three of the Tour, Orchies to Boulogne-sur-Mer. Arthur has made a brilliant recovery. He is riding at the front of the peloton. Sweezus and Gaius are somewhere in the middle.
Sweezus: Look at Arthur go.
Gaius: I suspect he's on the extra strong mints.
Sweezus: Did you see his knees?
Gaius: No.
Sweezus: A miracle. No scabs.
Gaius: Perhaps he was having us on.
Sweezus: Yeah.
Gaius: Sweezus?
Sweezus: Yeah?
Gaius: Don't take this the wrong way.
Sweezus: What?
Gaius: When we get to Boulogne-sur-Mer, don't stop off for a swim.
Sweezus: As if!
Gaius: Just so you remember.
Sweezus: Arthur's dropping back.
Arthur: Did you see me?
Gaius: Yes, very admirable. But why have you dropped back?
Arthur: The bluish wine-stains and the splashes of vomit.
Sweezus: Poetry again! Cut that out.
Arthur: Have an extra-strong mint! Hee hee!
Gaius: Arthur!
Arthur: What?
Gaius: No more mints.
Arthur rides back to the front.
Peter Sagan flashes by.
There is a strong smell of mint in the air.
Sweezus: Look at Arthur go.
Gaius: I suspect he's on the extra strong mints.
Sweezus: Did you see his knees?
Gaius: No.
Sweezus: A miracle. No scabs.
Gaius: Perhaps he was having us on.
Sweezus: Yeah.
Gaius: Sweezus?
Sweezus: Yeah?
Gaius: Don't take this the wrong way.
Sweezus: What?
Gaius: When we get to Boulogne-sur-Mer, don't stop off for a swim.
Sweezus: As if!
Gaius: Just so you remember.
Sweezus: Arthur's dropping back.
Arthur: Did you see me?
Gaius: Yes, very admirable. But why have you dropped back?
Arthur: The bluish wine-stains and the splashes of vomit.
Sweezus: Poetry again! Cut that out.
Arthur: Have an extra-strong mint! Hee hee!
Gaius: Arthur!
Arthur: What?
Gaius: No more mints.
Arthur rides back to the front.
Peter Sagan flashes by.
There is a strong smell of mint in the air.
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Visé to Tournai - Becoming Septic
Today is Stage Two of the Tour de France, Visé to Tournai. The lead keeps changing. Now it's Lotto-Belisol in the lead, now Orica GreenEdge. Who will win the Stage?
It will not be Team Philosophe. They are down a rider. Arthur is sitting out the stage with Belle et Bonne, who has come to sort him out. They are waiting near the finish line, in Tournai.
Belle et Bonne: How are you feeling now, Arthur dear?
Arthur Rimbaud: Neither ardent nor feeble.
Belle et Bonne: Arthur, you do talk in riddles.
Arthur Rimbaud: They aren't riddles.
Belle et Bonne: Poems then. But what about your knees? Will you be alright for tomorrow? And will you please let me get you some clean bandages?
Arthur Rimbaud: Alright, but let me warn you....
Belle et Bonne: Warn me?
Arthur Rimbaud: I don't like girls.
Belle et Bonne: How ridiculous!
Arthur Rimbaud: Go and get the bandages.
Belle et Bonne: Get them yourself.
Arthur Rimbaud: If you don't get them, I win.
Belle et Bonne: By becoming septic?
Arthur Rimbaud: Yes. Septic.
The race leaders speed past them towards the finish line
Belle et Bonne: Look, Arthur! That was Mark Cavendish! Brilliant! He's won the Stage!
Arthur Rimbaud: I'm off then.
Belle et Bonne: Wait for your team, Arthur. It's rude, if you don't.
Arthur Rimbaud: No, I won't.
He strides off, the dirty bandages flapping around his knees.
It will not be Team Philosophe. They are down a rider. Arthur is sitting out the stage with Belle et Bonne, who has come to sort him out. They are waiting near the finish line, in Tournai.
Belle et Bonne: How are you feeling now, Arthur dear?
Arthur Rimbaud: Neither ardent nor feeble.
Belle et Bonne: Arthur, you do talk in riddles.
Arthur Rimbaud: They aren't riddles.
Belle et Bonne: Poems then. But what about your knees? Will you be alright for tomorrow? And will you please let me get you some clean bandages?
Arthur Rimbaud: Alright, but let me warn you....
Belle et Bonne: Warn me?
Arthur Rimbaud: I don't like girls.
Belle et Bonne: How ridiculous!
Arthur Rimbaud: Go and get the bandages.
Belle et Bonne: Get them yourself.
Arthur Rimbaud: If you don't get them, I win.
Belle et Bonne: By becoming septic?
Arthur Rimbaud: Yes. Septic.
The race leaders speed past them towards the finish line
Belle et Bonne: Look, Arthur! That was Mark Cavendish! Brilliant! He's won the Stage!
Arthur Rimbaud: I'm off then.
Belle et Bonne: Wait for your team, Arthur. It's rude, if you don't.
Arthur Rimbaud: No, I won't.
He strides off, the dirty bandages flapping around his knees.
Monday, July 2, 2012
Liège to Seraing - Creativity
The next day was Stage One, from Liège to Seraing. Arthur Rimbaud now has two bandaged knees. Team Philosophe is riding in the middle of the main peloton.
Arthur Rimbaud: Oooh! Aaaah!
Sweezus: What's up, Arthur?
Arthur Rimbaud: Oh the bitter redness of.... uh.....the bitter redness...oooh!
Sweezus: Don't try and compose while you're riding, you idiot!
Arthur Rimbaud: Life is pointless otherwise, an atrocious fanfare, a burnt face, arms of crystal....uhh!
Gaius: What's the matter with him?
Sweezus: He's trying to ride through his pain by composing.
Arthur Rimbaud: No I'm not.
Gaius: What's happening then?
Arthur Rimbaud: Poetry is happening. But I need some drugs.
Gaius: No! They don't like drugs here. They don't even like extra strong mints.
Arthur Rimbaud: Drugs aid my creativity.
Sweezus: That's not creativity.
Arthur Rimbaud: What would you know?
Sweezus: I'm doing a creative writing course.
Arthur Rimbaud: Oh do tell!
Sweezus (offended): I came top of my class.
Gaius: We won't be coming top of this class! Pedal faster, boys! Team Liquigas is coming up behind us!
Arthur Rimbaud: Team Liquigas! Hee Hee!
He falls off his bike.
Arthur Rimbaud: Oooh! Aaaah!
Sweezus: What's up, Arthur?
Arthur Rimbaud: Oh the bitter redness of.... uh.....the bitter redness...oooh!
Sweezus: Don't try and compose while you're riding, you idiot!
Arthur Rimbaud: Life is pointless otherwise, an atrocious fanfare, a burnt face, arms of crystal....uhh!
Gaius: What's the matter with him?
Sweezus: He's trying to ride through his pain by composing.
Arthur Rimbaud: No I'm not.
Gaius: What's happening then?
Arthur Rimbaud: Poetry is happening. But I need some drugs.
Gaius: No! They don't like drugs here. They don't even like extra strong mints.
Arthur Rimbaud: Drugs aid my creativity.
Sweezus: That's not creativity.
Arthur Rimbaud: What would you know?
Sweezus: I'm doing a creative writing course.
Arthur Rimbaud: Oh do tell!
Sweezus (offended): I came top of my class.
Gaius: We won't be coming top of this class! Pedal faster, boys! Team Liquigas is coming up behind us!
Arthur Rimbaud: Team Liquigas! Hee Hee!
He falls off his bike.
Sunday, July 1, 2012
Immersed In The Thing
The VeloDrone and Le Bon David are sitting in a hospital ward, watching the Tour de France Prologue Time Trials in Liège, on a tiny television set high above Le Bon David's bed.
Le Bon David: Where on earth did you find that young chap?
The VeloDrone: I put an advertisement in the paper.
Le Bon David: In the paper? How many applicants did you get?
The VeloDrone: He was the only one.
Le Bon David: No one reads the newspaper any more, Vello. He doesn't look much of a rider.
The VeloDrone: He assures me he is. But he has a sore knee.
Le Bon David: Look at his face!
The VeloDrone: Nice looking young fellow.
Le Bon David: I mean the pain on it.
The VeloDrone: I wouldn't pay much attention to that, David. He's a poet.
Le Bon David: What's that got to do with it?
The VeloDrone: He tells me it has a great deal to do with it. Experience. Feelings. Immersing yourself in..... in the thing. That's what they do.
Le Bon David: This is the Tour de France, not a poetry workshop.
The VeloDrone: He'll be alright.
Le Bon David: How do you know?
The VeloDrone: Belle et Bonne's going over. She'll sort him out.
Le Bon David: Delicious! I wish I was there.
The VeloDrone: So do I David. So do I.
They look at one another. Then they look up at the television, in time to see Arthur fall off his bike.
Le Bon David: Where on earth did you find that young chap?
The VeloDrone: I put an advertisement in the paper.
Le Bon David: In the paper? How many applicants did you get?
The VeloDrone: He was the only one.
Le Bon David: No one reads the newspaper any more, Vello. He doesn't look much of a rider.
The VeloDrone: He assures me he is. But he has a sore knee.
Le Bon David: Look at his face!
The VeloDrone: Nice looking young fellow.
Le Bon David: I mean the pain on it.
The VeloDrone: I wouldn't pay much attention to that, David. He's a poet.
Le Bon David: What's that got to do with it?
The VeloDrone: He tells me it has a great deal to do with it. Experience. Feelings. Immersing yourself in..... in the thing. That's what they do.
Le Bon David: This is the Tour de France, not a poetry workshop.
The VeloDrone: He'll be alright.
Le Bon David: How do you know?
The VeloDrone: Belle et Bonne's going over. She'll sort him out.
Le Bon David: Delicious! I wish I was there.
The VeloDrone: So do I David. So do I.
They look at one another. Then they look up at the television, in time to see Arthur fall off his bike.
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