Two Ways to Get to Adelaide

It was time for Arthur to leave. The mystery had been solved, and as luck would have it, Ouvert was already sealed inside the envelope, which still had all its stamps.

It's time for me to leave, said Arthur. It has been very nice meeting you, and chatting about science and the Standard Model and the nature of matter and the speed of light and poetry. Thank you for the use of several of your matches. I'm sorry that you didn't end up with the stamps for your collection, Mr Higgs.

Oh ne'er ye mind it, laddie, said Bo'sun Higgs. Stamps be no use without a postmark. Mayhap ye'll think of us when writin' yer next poem. A poem about pirates, what think ye, Cap'n?

Aye, said the Cap'n. A poem about pirates livin' on a light'ouse in the middle of the sea, sore afraid to turn on any lights, an' lyin' low.

That would make a nice poem for someone, said Arthur, but not for me. I'm done with poems. I now intend to travel to Australia and learn to surf with Sweezus, meet his dog called Farky, and help him with his creative writing, if I can.

A dog? said the Cap'n. That does creative writin'?

I don't think so, said Arthur. It's Sweezus that does creative writing. But the dog can ride a bicycle, so you never know.

'Tis true ye never know, said the Cap'n. I never thought before tonight that a stone could take part in a conversation, but we seen it with our own two eyes and heard it with our ears.

This reminded Arthur uncomfortably of Ouvert, who was still writhing in the envelope inside his pocket. Was he going to wriggle all the way back to La Rochelle? The sooner he could post him the better.

You don't happen to know if there's a letter box in Pointe des Minimes? he asked the pirates.

Nay, lad, we don't know, said the Cap'n. But d'ye mind me askin' where Pliny the Elder's livin'  nowadays? Where's the little fellow goin' in his envelope?

Same place I'm going, said Arthur. Adelaide. Do you think I ought to take him there myself?

But the pirates didn't think so.

Nay, lad, t'would be a pity to waste them good stamps, said Bo'sun Higgs. Post him, I say.

Aye, post him, so say I too, agreed the Cap'n.








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The Poem of the Sea

Come on then, boy, tell us, said the Cap'n. What's GPS, accordin' to you?

It won't mean much to you pirates, said Arthur, but it's the initials of someone we know.

Ouvert's brain began ticking over. Who did they know?

These are the initials of Gaius Plinius Secundus, said Arthur, otherwise known as Pliny the Elder, or Gaius, from Team Philosophe.

Ouvert was disappointed. Gaius! Gaius didn't even like him. Thanks very much, Belle et Bonne.

But the pirates had pricked up their ears.

Pliny the Elder, said the Cap'n. Happen I 'ave 'eard of 'im.  GPS. Smart reasonin' young lad. Ye've 'eard of 'im, Mr Higgs?

Aye, said Mr Higgs. Pliny the Elder, the natural historian. A very famous person, no denyin'. How comes it that you lads know 'im?

Arthur was irritated by their recognition of boring old Gaius.

Perhaps now is the time to introduce myself, he said airily. I'm Arthur Rimbaud, the poet. Quite as famous as him.

Oh yes? Pull the other one laddie, said the Cap'n. What 'ave ye writ?

Illuminations, said Arthur, A Season in Hell, The Drunken Boat.........

The Drunken Boat! said the Cap'n. That sounds like a good 'un. Give us some lines.

Stop! said Ouvert. What about me?

I s'pose ye'll be tellin' us ye're famous too? said the Bo'sun.

I'm lucky, said Ouvert. I won the Tour de France.

That's a lie, said Arthur. He left before the end. Would you men like to hear my poem?

Aye, said the Cap'n. Put 'im in that there envelope, an' we'll 'ear the poem.

Arthur began, somewhere in the middle:

And from that time on I bathed in the Poem of the Sea, star-infused and churned into milk, devouring the green azure.......

Oh laddie, said the Cap'n, 'ow I do like that poem,' tis pure language that is, I do believe ye, now.

Arthur was mollified.

Ouvert thrashed about inside the envelope. But Arthur had sealed it and thrust it back inside his pocket.

What GPS Means to A Pebble

GPS. That much was clear. The rest of the words on the envelope were so water-stained and creased that they were unreadable by matchlight .

GPS, said the Cap'n. Now what d'ye suppose that's meant to mean?

Everyone knows what it means, said Arthur, impatiently. But why write it on an envelope?

Oh everyone knows, does they? said the Cap'n. Watch your smart tongue boy. Let's see if the Bo'sun here knows what it means. Mr Higgs?

Bo'sun Higgs looked uncomfortable. He knew what it meant.

Nay, said Bo'sun Higgs. Not for certain.

More to the point, said Arthur, to himself, why would Belle et Bonne write it on an envelope?

Ouvert brightened up. He flashed a fishy grin.

She's sending me by GPS, he said happily. Put me inside!

Hold on a minute, said Arthur. Where do you think GPS is? The rest of the address is obscured.

But Ouvert had heard about GPS, from the Tour de France riders. If you travelled by GPS you could get from anywhere to anywhere, by means of satellite tracking.

He explained this to the pirates.

Blow me down, said the Cap'n. If that's the case, then why d'ye need all them stamps?

Ouvert was stumped.

I don't need them, he said finally.

Bo'sun Higgs saw an opportunity.

I collect stamps, he said. Can I 'ave 'em?

Yes, you can, said Ouvert grandly. Just don't tear the envelope getting them off.

Reluctantly Arthur handed the envelope to the Bo'sun. It seemed like a very bad idea. GPS didn't work like that. You needed more than an envelope, he was sure. Belle et Bonne had intended to post Ouvert somewhere. But where?

Wait a minute! said Arthur. I've got it. Don't remove those stamps! I know what GPS means!

Bright Sparks

Bo'sun Higgs fetched the matches. The Cap'n struck a match and they all saw one another clearly for the first time.

You're an 'andsome young lad, said the Cap'n to Arthur. Ever been a ship's boy?

No, said Arthur. We'll just read the envelope and be on our way.

Nay, boy, stay for a natter, said the Cap'n.

Aye, stay, said the Bo'sun. We likes a bit o' company now an' again.

He grinned at Arthur.

Let's stay, said Ouvert. We like talking.

Oh yes, said Arthur, we couldn't help overhearing......

Overhearing? said the Cap'n sharply. Pirates ain't fond of folks overhearin'. What did ye hear?

You were discussing the missing particle, said Arthur, the famous Higgs boson. They found it, you said.

Aye! said the Cap'n. They found it alright. It were missin'.

Ouvert looked at Bo'sun Higgs, who appeared to like being referred to.

Arthur ploughed on.

I read something the other day, he began. I'd like to know what you think about it.

What is it? asked the Cap'n.

I didn't really get it, said Arthur.

Go on boy, said Bo'sun Higgs. We ain't the brightest sparks ourselves.

Well, said Arthur. It was about the nature of mass. The idea is that everything that doesn't have mass must be travelling at the speed of light.

There's an illuminating thought, said the Cap'n. He looked thoughtful, if not illuminated. The match had gone out.

Thoughts and ideas, said Ouvert. Mine do go quite fast.

Everyone thought about their own thoughts and ideas.

No, it's silly, said Arthur. But it seemed to make sense at the time.

Don't be embarrassed lad, said the Cap'n. We're all amateurs here. Now let's 'ave a squizz at this letter. Strike another match, Bo'sun Higgs!

Light flared across the face of the damp unfolded envelope. They saw stamps. And the letters 'GPS'

The Laws of Physics Contradicted

Ahoy! shouted Arthur, again. The lighthouse had gone suddenly dark.

Who goes there? growled the Cap'n.

Me! said Arthur. Can you show me a light?

Climb up, laddie, said the Cap'n. Give him a hand there, Mr Higgs.

Bo'sun Higgs helped Arthur up the ladder.

Ouvert shivered, under Arthur's discarded bandages.

Hey ho, me hearty, said the Cap'n. What can we do for ye, this dark dreary night?

Do you have a torch? asked Arthur. I want to read the address on this envelope.

Bo'sun Higgs laughed a piratical laugh.

A torch, lad! he snorted. This be a light'ouse. There be no need for a torch in a light'ouse.

Not a'together true, Bo'sun Higgs, said the Cap'n. If there be a power failure, the possessing of a torch u'd be a handy thing.

Bo'sun Higgs shot the Cap'n a look.

Never mind about that, said Arthur impatiently. If this is a lighthouse why isn't the light on?

Arrrh, said the Cap'n. We don't like the light on, ye see.

Because you're pirates, I suppose, said Arthur.

Who told ye that? said the Cap'n.

Ouvert, said Arthur, scrabbling around for Ouvert in his pocket.

This is Ouvert, added Arthur, producing his friend. He's the reason I'm here. This is his envelope. Before he gets in it, he needs to know where it's going.

Hello, said Ouvert.

Blimey! said Bo'sun Higgs. A talking stone! Now don't THAT contradict the laws of physics!

You may think so, said Ouvert, but nothing contradicts the laws of physics.

Well said, Ouvert, said Arthur. Now you two chaps, pirates, whatever you are, where is this torch?

We don't have a torch, said the Cap'n, and you're not goin' to set eyes on it.

Contradiction! shouted Ouvert, feeling bolder. What about matches?

Matches! said Bo'sun Higgs, I suppose we might stretch to some matches.

Go fetch the matches, Bo'sun Higgs, said the Cap'n. And  we'll have ourselves a look at this precious envelope.

Higgs Bo'sun

It was a funny-looking lighthouse, low and round and sticking out of the water on wooden stilts. Arthur was determined to get closer. He crunched over the rocks towards sea. Ouch! He tripped and grazed his knee. The rocks were treacherously covered in the sharp grey shells of mussels and wild oysters.

He would need a boat to get out to the lighthouse.

Ouvert! he hissed.

Ouvert said nothing, hoping that Arthur would give up his crazy scheme.

Arthur pulled Ouvert roughly out of his pocket.

We need to borrow a boat, said Arthur.

Don't look at me, said Ouvert. It's far too dangerous. There's PIRATES!

Come on, said Arthur. Pirates? I don't believe it. Look there's a dinghy over there, I'm getting in.

He untied the dinghy and got in. He rowed out to the lighthouse. Ouvert was babbling something about the pirates, and the Phare du Bout du Monde.

Did you just say the Phare du Bout du Monde? said Arthur.

Yes, said Ouvert. That's what this is.

The Lighthouse at the End of the World? It can't be, said Arthur. It's at Cape Horn.

This is a fake one, said Ouvert, but there's pirates all the same.

Arthur was a bold lad. He tied up to a wooden post below the lighthouse and listened.

Sure enough they heard the sound of pirates' voices.

First Pirate: They found it, you know, bo'sun m'dear.

Second Pirate: What did you call me, cap'n?

First Pirate: Sorry Mr Higgs. But I'm tellin' ye, they found it.

Second Pirate; Well that's a marvel, ain't it. The missin' particle. That'll change the laws of physics.

First Pirate. Nay. That supports the Standard Model. It don't change the laws of physics.

Second Pirate: Hush, cap'n! Did ye hear somethin'?

First Pirate: Aye, I did.

Ouvert looked at Arthur to see what he would do.

To his horror, Arthur stood up in the dingy, wobbling wildly, and shouted out AHOY!

To The Lighthouse

Ouvert was fuming. He must leave Pointe des Minimes at once! But it was dark. Ouvert pulled himself up onto a seat at the edge of the sand, under the pine trees. He unfolded the envelope gingerly.

He heard a slight cough. He peered into the darkness at the far end of the seat. There was a man sitting there. A man with wild hair. A boy, really. He looked something like Arthur.

Hello, said Arthur.

Arthur! said Ouvert. Is it really you?

Yes, said Arthur. I wondered if I'd find you here. I promised to take you to La Rochelle, remember?

And you didn't, said Ouvert.

I would have, said Arthur. If you'd waited.

I'm here, said Ouvert.

So am I, said Arthur. Are you pleased?

NO! said Ouvert. All the pebbles have changed, and don't know me. And nobody here has a name. I don't fit in any more.

Travel changes you, said Arthur. It's changed me as well.

Never mind about you, said Ouvert. This is about me.

Oh is it? said Arthur. What's that you've got there?

It's an envelope, said Ouvert. Belle et Bonne gave it to me. But it's wet.

Let me see, said Arthur. Hmm. It's too dark to read the address.

Address? said Ouvert. I thought I was meant to get in it, not deliver it.

Get in it? said Arthur. Alright, but you must want to know where it's going.

It isn't going anywhere, said Ouvert.

Yes it is, it's got stamps, said Arthur. I can see that much at least. But there must be a light somewhere. Yes look over there. There's a lighthouse. Come on.

He picked up Ouvert and shoved him into his pocket.

The pocket was full of dirty bandages. Ouvert had been there before. He ought to warn Arthur about the lighthouse, but needed to keep both mouths closed.