Higgs Bo'sun

It was a funny-looking lighthouse, low and round and sticking out of the water on wooden stilts. Arthur was determined to get closer. He crunched over the rocks towards sea. Ouch! He tripped and grazed his knee. The rocks were treacherously covered in the sharp grey shells of mussels and wild oysters.

He would need a boat to get out to the lighthouse.

Ouvert! he hissed.

Ouvert said nothing, hoping that Arthur would give up his crazy scheme.

Arthur pulled Ouvert roughly out of his pocket.

We need to borrow a boat, said Arthur.

Don't look at me, said Ouvert. It's far too dangerous. There's PIRATES!

Come on, said Arthur. Pirates? I don't believe it. Look there's a dinghy over there, I'm getting in.

He untied the dinghy and got in. He rowed out to the lighthouse. Ouvert was babbling something about the pirates, and the Phare du Bout du Monde.

Did you just say the Phare du Bout du Monde? said Arthur.

Yes, said Ouvert. That's what this is.

The Lighthouse at the End of the World? It can't be, said Arthur. It's at Cape Horn.

This is a fake one, said Ouvert, but there's pirates all the same.

Arthur was a bold lad. He tied up to a wooden post below the lighthouse and listened.

Sure enough they heard the sound of pirates' voices.

First Pirate: They found it, you know, bo'sun m'dear.

Second Pirate: What did you call me, cap'n?

First Pirate: Sorry Mr Higgs. But I'm tellin' ye, they found it.

Second Pirate; Well that's a marvel, ain't it. The missin' particle. That'll change the laws of physics.

First Pirate. Nay. That supports the Standard Model. It don't change the laws of physics.

Second Pirate: Hush, cap'n! Did ye hear somethin'?

First Pirate: Aye, I did.

Ouvert looked at Arthur to see what he would do.

To his horror, Arthur stood up in the dingy, wobbling wildly, and shouted out AHOY!