God Speaks English

Pastor Moon is feeling increasingly uncomfortable.

This Sweezus character, trying to borrow money. And now Arthur turning up with inexplicable funds. Should he say something? Yes he will.

Hr-hrm, says Pastor Moon, I find myself in an untenable position. I did not expect to be involved in shady dealings.

How are you involved in shady dealings, Moon? says Mrs Hume. No one is involved in shady dealings.

I can't prove it, of course, says Pastor Moon. That is the nature of shady dealings. But when I decided to go to all the trouble of appointing a locum and travelling here to meet this fellow Sweezus, I had hopes of something rather more uplifting than this grubby grab for cash.

Nonsense! says Mrs Hume. They are going to form a cycling team. What's wrong with that? Why, my son David is in a cycling team, and so is Belle's papa. And they, naturally, are pillars of society.

Rationalists, no doubt, sniffs Pastor Moon.

Empiricists, says Mrs Hume. At least that what my clever David is. And Belle's papa is the inimitable and mercurial Voltaire.

David.....Hume! says Pastor Moon. And Voltaire! Oh Lord! I am fallen into a den of iniquity!

For god's sake! says Mrs Hume.

And while I'm speaking my mind, says Pastor Moon, I don't think you should blaspheme.

It's you that should not blaspheme! says Mrs Hume. Not me.

It seems to me, says Pastor Moon, that when a professed non believer blasphemes that is proof that god exists.

In that case, says Mrs Hume what does the fact that I speak English prove? That god speaks English? Moon, you are a fool.

Pastor Moon is speechless. He knows what Mrs Hume said makes no sense. But he can't think how to prove it.

He gets up and walks away towards the carpark, then up towards the main road. He follows the road, past the Middleton hotel, the shops, the bakery and Mrs Swales's craft shop. He passes paddocks yellowing in the sun. He sees a sign at the side of the road, and stops in front of it. It is new and shiny, having only just been erected.

"The Miracle Tent returns to Middleton" it reads. And below that, "Australia Day Weekend"

Someone comes up behind him. He turns around. It's Bunny.

Dad! says Bunny. Are you alright?

I am now, Bunny, says Pastor Moon, pointing at the sign.