An Ethical Substitution

Early next morning at Lorne the sun comes up.

Schopenhauer wakes up (and breathes in the ozone).

Ray wakes up (and examines his foot).

Gaius sits up (and brushes the sand off his nose).

That's everyone up then.

And here is Arthur. Yes, Arthur is up.

Gaius remembers last night. Does he still have a barnacle? He looks at the jug.

Jupiter! The jug is empty of all but a few floating sea grapes!

Where has the Admiral gone?

Arthur, says Gaius. Have you seen that cursed lobster?

I was going to tell you, says Arthur.

Tell me what? says Gaius.

But you were asleep, says Arthur.

Thank you, says Gaius. But now you may tell me.

Arthur took it, says Ray. He came and took it back to the campfire at the end of the beach. I saw him. I was awake.

Arthur looks at Ray witheringly. Once a prick always a prick.

Truth dawns on Gaius.

You ate him!

Not just me, says Arthur. My new friends as well.

It was Arthur's lobster, says Schopenhauer.

Gaius mentally goes through the ethics.

Yes, it was Arthur's lobster. But they had all made friends. On the downside, the lobster had eaten all of his barnacles, after treating them badly. Singing lewd songs and making them dance. On balance Gaius is glad to be rid of Admiral de Guichen. And, as they are still at the beach, there should be time to collect more barnacles.....

Top of the morning! says someone.

They all turn around.

Mercy! says Ray. Another one!

Isn't it the same one? says Schopenhauer.

No, says Gaius, this one is different. Trust me, I am a natural historian.

I am looking for Admiral de Guichen, says Captain Louttit. Where is he?

Sadly, he has met his demise, says Gaius.

Alas, says Captain Louttit. My name is Captain Louttit. I was in hopes of joining him on the voyage to Tasmania. But I see I am too late. Was he eaten?

Yes, says Ray, he was eaten by......

Never mind, says Gaius. There is no profit in knowing by whom or by what he was eaten. Tell me, Captain Louttit, hypothetically speaking, what of barnacles? How should they be treated?

I'm for equality, says Captain Louttit. A fair do for all. That's my way. Always has been.

Yes but specifically, says Gaius. Do you eat them? Do you make them dance?

I am a vegan, says Captain Louttit.

Very commendable, says Gaius. And of course, you are a qualified sailor.

Indeed, says Captain Louttit. At your service.

Welcome aboard, Captain Louttit, says Gaius, indicating the jug.

And so, after a short time spent collecting more barnacles, the party, including a more amenable and qualified lobster, departs Lorne, in the direction of Geelong.