Deadline

Unni is walking back towards St Francis Xavier's when she receives a call from Sweezus.

Hi Unni, says Sweezus. It's me, Sweezus.

Hi! says Unni. She starts to giggle.

What's funny? says Sweezus.

Some guys here thought your name was Tweezers, says Unni.

That's not funny, says Sweezus. Where are you?

In Beaconsfield with Arthur, says Unni.

Cool! And Schopenhauer? says Sweezus.

Yeah, Schopenhauer, says Unni. And Gaius and Captain Louttit.

Awesome, says Sweezus. Who's Captain Louttit?

By now Unni has reached the open door of St Francis Xavier, and entered.

Just some old Sea Captain lobster that decided to tag along with us, says Unni, walking down the aisle towards the font.

Rachelle Hawkins overhears this casual dismissal of Captain Louttit, and stops transcribing Arthur's poem.

Captain Louttit is a valued member of the tourism industry, says Rachelle Hawkins. I won't have him spoken of like that.

Pardon? says Unni. This is a private conversation.

What? says Sweezus. I know it's a private conversation.

Sorry Sweezie, says Unni. I wasn't talking to you.

Are you talking to Sweezus? says Arthur.

My, my, says Father Martin Aye Ngwe. Is this the famous Sweezus on the phone? Could I have a word?

No, says Unni. I don't like your tone.

Was that Schopenhauer? says Sweezus.

No, it wasn't, says Unni. It was Father Martin Aye Ngwe. But you can talk to Schopenhauer if you like. Just don't take too long. I'm nearly out of battery.

Geez, says Sweezus. Don't you guys have a charger?

Just hurry up, says Unni, handing Schopenhauer the phone.

Who is it? says Schopenhauer.

Me, says Sweezus.

Ah, Sweezus, says Schopenhauer. Did you have a pleasant Easter?

Trashed it, says Sweezus. I got totally wasted. Pleasant's not the word.

We've had an enjoyable time here in St Francis Xavier's, says Schopenhauer. Eating hot ......

Schopenhauer suddenly remembers what Unni said about Sweezus hating hot cross buns.

....and we are currently seeing Captain Louttit being resurrected before our very eyes, continues Schopenhauer smoothly.

Yeah? And how's your new bike going? says Sweezus, changing the subject from resurrection equally smoothly.

Perfect, perfect, says Schopenhauer. Couldn't ask for better. Now then, Unni is prodding me to hurry. Do you have a question?

Yeah, says Sweezus. The deadline.........

Crackle crackle.... Unni's phone has died.

Deadline? says Schopenhauer.

Damn, says Unni. I knew it. Now we don't have a map. Does anybody have a charger?

 I have a charger, says Rachelle. I'll get it.

On her way out, she glances at the font.

You might want to remove those barnacles before the next christening, she says to Father Martin Aye Ngwe.