Impersonations

Arthur and Unni are leaning over the side of the Spirit of Tasmania, looking down into the deep black water with its trail of threshing whirlpools and frothy suckings.

This is super! says Unni.

Arthur doesn't answer. He is staring into the abyss, something he likes to do.

So, says Unni. We're looking for a giant jellyfish this time? Gaius is so funny.

Arthur's eyes have spotted phosphorescence and a ghostly flying fish.

And, says Unni, how come we're traveling with Captain Louttit? And how come the crew here knew him?

He's a captain from these parts, says Arthur vaguely.

But he's a lobster, says Unni.

Look, says Arthur. Phosphorescence.

Unni gets out her phone and taps the buttons. Thank goodness for phosphorescence. If that is what it is.

Wow, she says. There's a Book of Louttit. It's full of Louttits. Which one is he?

The lobster one, says Arthur.

Don't be smart, says Unni. I reckon he was this one. William Robertson Louttit, born in Stromness in 1817. He was master of the Apollo. Except he couldn't be. But he must be the one that he's impersonating!

Does it matter? says Arthur, looking at the spume.

Don't you like a mystery? says Unni.

I like a mystery, says Arthur. There's one over there.

He indicates a dark figure standing at the railing, frantically pulling at his trouser pockets.

That's Schopenhauer, says Unni. What's he doing?

They approach the distraught philosopher, from behind.

What's up? says Arthur. Something sticky in your pockets?

Not sticky, but immutable, says Schopenhauer, in a high tone. My trousers here are stuck like cement to my leg.

Why? says Unni. Oh wait! Is it the barnacles?

I suppose so, says Schopenhauer. I am a philosopher. How was I to know that this would happen?

Let me see, says Unni. I'll fix it. I'm good at this sort of thing.

Since when? says Arthur.

Since I took over dad's congregation, says Unni. Now stand back, and let me look into your pocket, Mr Schopenhauer. Hold it open.

He holds his trouser pocket open. She looks in.

Sure enough it is those pesky barnacles.

Barnacles are encrusters. They like to attach themselves permanently to a hard substrate. Failing that, a softer substrate will suffice.