Danish Noir Goes Too Far

Make it a short one, says Ageless.

nooo! say the crabbies.

I'll make it a fast one, says Robbie.

Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie....

That's enough, says Ageless. Look at their faces.

The wee crabbies look sad.

Tears well up from unknown sources and teem down the sides of their sand coloured carapaces like waterfalls.

Tell him why you don't like it, says Ageless.

You tell him, weeps one of the crabbies. You know.

I certainly know, says Ageless. That poem is dedicated to a timorous mousie. Not a good choice for two bold young crabbies.

The two crabbies stop weeping and the waterfalls diminish.

I'll give them Tam o' Shanter, says Robbie.

No, you've missed the moment, says Ageless. Times a'wasting.

Robbie can understand that.

Ageless continues:

Now you brave young crabbies, how are things generally?

Not so good, sniffs a crabbie. Our mortality is compromised. We blame it on the increasing incidence of microplastics in the sand and the ocean.

So you are aware of it, says Ageless. That's something. And what would you say to being part of an experiment?

What is it? asks a crabbie.

Several of you would be captured, says Ageless. Then taken to the home of the natural historian Gaius Plinius Secundus and his off-sider, Sören Kierkegaard.

oo, says a crabbie, are they friends now?

That is irrelevant, says Ageless.

It's no' irrelevant, says Robbie. You never mentioned Kierkegaard till just now.

Well yes, they are friends now, says Ageless. And would have been before, had they known one another.

That's an uplifting thought, says a crabbie.

Perhaps you'd like to think uplifting thoughts while Gaius feeds you and your friend here on different concentrations of microplastics and monitors what happens? says Ageless.

That's RIGHT! says Robbie.

The two crabbies look at one another.

We both have a fondness for science, says one.

And a wish to improve the lot of our fellow crabbies, says the other.

And of course we've heard of Gaius Plinius Secundus. Who hasn't? says the first one.

And the involvement of Kierkegaard adds a frisson of Danish noir, says the second.

That's going a bit far, says the first crabbie.

Nevertheless Ageless sees which way the wind is blowing.

Foolish gullible crabbies.

And he is not happy.