Time Is Precious

Gaius has finished setting up the experiment.

Three former olive containers, filled with sea water, and one, two or three teaspoons of microplastics added.

Two breakfast bowls, filled with sea water, one with four teaspoons added, the other with none, for the control crab.

Get in, crabs, says Gaius. Do not fear. There will be someone here at all times to observe you.

That won't be necessary, says Alexander-Red-Hook. But I do have a few questions.

Shall I just get in? says Alexander-Yellowsun. I feel time from now on will be precious.

That relates to my first question, says Alexander-Red-Hook.

What is it? asks Gaius. Either I or Kierkegaard will be happy to answer your questions.

Or me, says Terence.

Why does my friend have the bowl with the highest concentration of microplastics? asks Alexander-Red-Hook.

But she doesn't, says Gaius. She can choose any container but yours.

She and I need to be together, says Alexander-Red-Hook. She's grieving over her lost babies.

Hardly babies, says Gaius. Eggs. Would you like me to rearrange the containers?

Won't that confuse things? asks Kierkegaard.

You are supposed to answer questions, not come up with new ones, says Gaius.

But he's right, says Alexander-Red-Hook.

I usually am, says Kierkegaard.

This is rich, thinks Gaius, coming from someone who didn't know how to get dried sauce off his shorts and is standing there in his underpants.

Your shorts are probably dry by now, says Gaius. Why don't you go outside and see. I'll deal with this expeditiously.

Kierkegaard had forgotten that his shorts were on the clothes line.

He goes out to see if they're dry.

Now, says Gaius. This is what we'll do. Alexander-Yellowsun can get in any container she likes. Then we'll move it next to the control bowl.

So what do I do? asks Alexander-Yellowsun.

Choose a container, says Alexander-Red-Hook. Remember which one contains what.

Objection, says Alexander-Groovy. Why does she get a choice and we don't?

Yes, why? asks Alexander-Curly.

It's only regarding the most toxic one, says Alexander-Red-Hook. Whoever gets in it will be the first one to die.

But we don't know that for certain, says Alexander-Yellowsun. Couldn't there be other factors?

Terence has been waiting for something that sounds like a question. It must be his turn,

But what does it mean, 'other factors'?

It helps to think about parrots

Yes, says Terence interrupting Gaius who was saying yes anyway.

Sometimes you blow up with air, says Terence.

Or other factors, adds Gaius.

In that case we need more information, says Alexander-Curly.

We all do, says Gaius. That is the point of the experiment. To obtain more information. I thought you knew that.

Blow up with air? says Alexander-Yellowsun.

Like a balloon parrot, says Terence. It pops, or goes down slowly.

Alexander-Yellowsun understands this completely.

Either way, time is precious.