We Are All Alexander

The rain stops momentarily.

Moonlight floods the sand.

The tide has gone out.

Gaius and Kierkegaard appear with rakes, a yellow bucket, and an umbrella.

Robbie feels obliged to acknowledge them.

(Ageless does not).

O mirk is the midnight hour, says Robbie, and loud the tempests roar.

Robbie Burns! says Gaius. I'd know you anywhere, with or without a recitation.

I'm withoot ma boots, says Robbie.

Your legs have made excellent holes in the sand, says Gaius. We should find plenty of sand crabs.

Kierkegaard shakes his umbrella.

Raindrops scatter.

You'll be Kierkegaard, says Robbie. Pleased to meet ye.

Robbie Burns, the Scottish bard? says Kirkegaard.

Aye that's me, says Robbie. I hear ye're now Gaius's off-sider.

Kierkegaard nods. And you're Ageless's off-sider?

I'm no man's off-sider, says Robbie. I'm here for justice.

Justice, says Kierkegaard. How so?

For the wee crabbies, says Robbie. Ageless has been warnin' the crabbies of your intentions.

Then we may as well go straight to Saint Kilda, says Gaius. What a nuisance!

Not sae fast! says Robbie. The crabbies ha' their ain side o' the story.

You've located some crabbies? asks Gaius.

Aye, says Robbie. They seem inexplicably keen.

Gaius walks across to where Ageless is lurking, between two holes, each one containing a crabbie.

He must tread carefully.

Well done Ageless, says Gaius. I hear you have been warning the crabbies.

( How easily one falls into calling them crabbies)

Ruurk! says Ageless rudely.

Is this him? asks a crabbie.

It is I, says Gaius. Gaius Plinius Secundus, friend of Ageless, your instructor.

Ruuurk! repeats Ageless.

We are Alexander, says the first crabbie, and we'd like to volunteer for your experiment.

You are both Alexander? says Gaius. Do you not find that confusing?

No, we are all Alexander, says Alexander. Some of us used to call ourselves Xander. Now THAT was confusing.

Yes, that WAS confusing, says the other Alexander.

Do any more Alexanders wish to participate? asks Gaius. If so, perhaps they could give their names to Ageless.

A master stroke, by Gaius.

How can Ageless resist this important repetitive task?