What Could Be More Pressing?

I'm back, says Terence. Has anything happened?

Not much, says Alexander-Retro. But we want larger containers.

Okay, says Terence. Why?

Because we can't move about freely, says Alexander-Curly. We can't even turn around. See?

He turns around slowly, stirring up microplastics

You can, says Terence. But I see what you mean.

He opens a cupboard. Inside are three salad bowls, of various sizes.

He hauls them out and sets them out on the floor.

How about these? asks Terence.

Alexander-Retro looks over the rim of his olive container.

Three salad bowls. One red, one blue, and one burnt sienna.

All of them roomy.

Yes! says Alexander-Retro. What do you think, guys?

Alexander-Curly and Alexander-Groovy agree that the salad bowls are a vast improvement.

Who's going in the red one? asks Terence.

Me, says Alexander-Retro.

Terence is just about to tip Alexander-Retro and his seawater into the red salad bowl when Gaius returns to the kitchen.

He has not found an iron.

But he has remembered an excellent method of pressing trousers without one.

He is about to pass through the kitchen and go to his bedroom to inform Kierkegaard of the excellent method (which can be done in a bedroom) when he sees Terence about to tip one of the experimental subjects into a red salad bowl which rests on the floor.

Hold it! says Gaius. What are you doing?

They can't turn around! They need more space. They asked me, says Terence.

They should have asked me! says Gaius.

We couldn't, says Alexander-Retro, who is dangling from the rim of the olive container that Terence is holding at an angle.

Seawater drips into the salad bowl; a few drops splash onto the floor.

Curses! says Gaius. The experiment is ruined. Turn up that olive bowl. No! Put it down.

Kierkegaard chooses this moment to return to the kitchen in his cool shorts.

Cool, and slightly dampish.

They look even more vibrant after a soaking, says Kierkegaard.

What? says Gaius. Oh yes, they do, I imagine Arthur didn't wash them very often. And remind me to tell you about an alternative to using an iron. But right now we have more pressing concerns.

To Kierkegaard's credit, he doesn't ask what could be more pressing than ironing his trousers. It is clear that the experiment has been compromised. What a nuisance.

One of our subjects has lost some of his seawater, says Gaius.

It's not lost, says Terence. It's right there and the rest is here except for this bit.

Alexander-Retro drops neatly into the salad bowl, to establish his new position.

He turns around several times, freely.