Friday, May 27, 2022

The Eternal Life Of The Impartial Philosopher

First competition! says Graceful. Are you ready?

Ready, say the Slender Bleating ninjas.

Ready! say the Tarti.

Go! says Graceful.

The ninjas race up a tree.

Watch out! cries Terence. They went up that tree!

No helping, says Graceful.

Quiet-Tartus and Shorty-Tartus raise their fists at the base of the tree.

Nothing happens.

Don't relax, says Terence.

We aren't, says Shorty-Tartus. But what are they doing?

Wood technique, Tanuki-gakure, says Graceful. Hiding up a tree. You need to counter.

Okay, says Quiet-Tartus, Time out please.

Twenty seconds, says Graceful.

Quiet-Tartus consults Terence.

What counter-moves should we use?

Follow them up the tree and punch them, says Terence.

Not in these feathers, says Quiet-Tartus.

Start a fire to distract them, says Terence.

I heard that, says Letitia. Not allowed. Also not possible in this drizzle.

Where on earth did you get that idea, Terence? asks Katherine.

Arthur, says Terence.

Time's up, says Graceful. Resume the fighting.

Any suggestions? asks Shorty-Tartus.

You're asking me? says Graceful.

Yes, says Shorty-Tartus. 

You could try Uzura-gakure, says Graceful.

Which is? asks Quiet-Tartus.

Earth technique. Curl up into a ball and remain motionless in order to appear like a stone, says Graceful.

Do it! says Terence.

Quiet and Shorty do it.

Who wins? asks Terence.

Who's the judge? asks Graceful. It should be someone impartial.

Me, says Terence.

Not you, says Graceful. Aren't you their manager?

Him, says Terence, pointing at Wittgenstein.

Good choice. Wittgenstein has been thinking philosophical thoughts and not focussing.

What is it? asks Wittgenstein.

What do you think? asks Terence.

If we take eternity to mean timelessness, eternal life belongs to those who live in the present, says Wittgenstein.

Ha ha, laughs Gaius. No eternal life for you then.

Very funny, says Wittgenstein. What's been happening?

Gaius explains the ninja contest so far.

The ninja team is camouflaging up a tree while the tarti are lurking below them, appearing as stones, says Gaius. You are elected to judge the winner.

Wittgenstein assesses the situation.

The contest has become non-dynamic, says Wittgenstein. 

Therefore I judge it a draw.


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