The Future Of Hills

Next poem! shouts someone.

Squattu whips off her white towel.

Go Squatty! says Terence. 

Is that a fruit bat? asks a different person.

It's with us, says Tommy Zoom. And it wants to give us a poem. Quiet, all!

The Drunken Poet crowd falls silent.

The Lost Hill, says Squattu.

We came to look for a hill/for good or for ill/ and we are here still/ for good or for ill/ but find it we will.

A bat poem, says Tommy Zoom. There you have it.

Is it based on anything? asks the person who asked if Squattu was a fruit bat.

Yes, Mildred, says Lorna, it is.

What? asks the person named Mildred.

The boy and the bat are on a quest, says Lorna. They were staying at Batman's Hill on Collins, when they learned that the hill was removed.

Yes, says Terence. And Tommy Zoom said that someone here knows where they took it.

I said someone MIGHT know, says Tommy Zoom.

How about O'Hea Street? says Mildred. That's steep.

As if, says a person in lycra.

Oh? says Mildred.

As if they'd move a whole hill holus bolus, says the person in lycra. The O'Hea Street hill's always been where it is.

Yeah, says someone in a Weezer tee shirt. Don't you reckon if they removed a hill they'd have done it in parts?

Prob--ly, slurs someone.

My partner's a Jim, says a woman in green.

Meaning? asks Mildred.

Meaning he'd know what would happen to a hill that was removed, says the green woman.

Call him, says Mildred.

Okay, says the green woman.

Another round? asks the guy in the Weezer.

Count me out, says Tommy Zoom.

The green woman is hushing everyone with hand movemenrts.

Her Jim must be talking.

Jim reckons they'd've used it for public gardens. says the green woman, So it would have ended up all spread out.

There you go, says Lorna. It's not O'Hea Street.

That O'Hea Street's a freakin' steep street, says the guy in the lycra. Thirty percent gradient!

Cyclists. Always going on about gradients.

Our hill's been spread out, says Terence.

Yes, says Squattu. We'll never find it.

Let's go back, says Terence. Do you remember the way?

I'm a bat, says Squattu. I always remember.

Terence gets down from the stool, Squattu from the table.

Here, says Mildred. Your fruit bat left its cloak on the table.

Thanks, says Terence.

Isn't that Tommy Zoom's hat you're wearing? asks Mildred.

No, says Terence. It's mine.

He and Squattu leave the Drunken Poet, and head back towards Batman's on Collins.

That was fruitless says Squattu.

At least I got my hat back, says Terence