Prior To Death

This is mum's place, says Ranger Roger. 

He knocks on the door.

His mother opens.

Roger! 

Hi ma, says Ranger Roger. Don't freak out but, can these guys stay the night in your spare room?

Are they friends of yours? asks his mother.

Sure are, says Ranger Roger. This is Gaius and this is Pierre-Louis, and this little guy is Terence.

What a dear little boy, says his mother.

I wonder if I might use your toilet, says Gaius, whose cramps are increasing.

Of course, come in, says Ranger Roger's mother. Down the passage, second on the left.

Gaius hurries to that destination.

Has he eaten something bad? asks Ranger Roger's mother.

It may be the loaded hot dog he ate for dinner, says Pierre-Louis. Let's hope so. 

These guys are in this year's Tour de France, says Ranger Roger.

I thought the other one looked familiar, says his mother. 

He's been in it before, says Pierre-Louis. I haven't.

See, Roger? says his mother. There's always a first time.

Yes, says Ranger Roger. 

Roger has cycling ambitions, says his mother.

He's certainly fast, says Pierre-Louis. 

He is, and he has loads of endurance, says his mother.

You could  join Sweezus's team, says Terence. Then Grandpa wouldn't have to.

We haven't even asked your grandpa, says Pierre-Louis.

He won't want to, says Terence. He's busy.

Gaius returns, from the toilet.

That's better, says Gaius. I'm convinced it's not bat virus.

If it was, you'd be dead, says Ranger Roger's mother. 

I'm aware of that, dear lady, says Gaius. 

Or experiencing paralysis, delirium and convulsions, prior to death, says Roger's mother. By the way, call me Janet.

Do you know everything? asks Terence.

No, dear, says Janet. Now why don't you all come into the kitchen and sit down. I'll put the kettle on.

Can I bring Squatty? asks Terence.

Of course dear, says Janet. Is Squatty a puppy?

Squattu is a bat, ma, says Ranger Roger.

Oh, says Janet. Is it the offending one? 

Not at all, says Gaius. It wasn't her fault. I ate an apple she'd nibbled.

Is she well? asks Janet. Did you know less that one percent of bats in Australia carry lyssavirus? Only three people have died from it in this country.

No I didn't, says Gaius. My phone's out of battery.

You could have borrowed mine, says Pierre-Louis.

Sugar in your tea? asks Janet.

Terence comes in with Squattu.

Everyone looks at her.

She feels embarrassed.

Janet opens a packet of biscuits.