Mad Scramble

Martin enters, stage left, holding a placard.

Scene 4: The Escape.

He joins Candide, who is weeping near the bed curtains.

Hedley enters, followed by the abbé.

That's Hedley! cries the little girl.

Hush, says her mother.

Are those the two suspicious strangers? asks Hedley.

Yes, says the abbé. 

Seize them! says Hedley. 

An awkward pause, as there are no minions to do it.

I shall do it, says Hedley. 

Good save, Hedley, whispers his mother, inside her black costume.

Where are you taking us? asks Candide.

To the dungeon! cries Hedley.

Candide looks at Martin.

I believe that this officer is a fraud,  says Martin, and will be easily got rid of. Offer him three diamonds.

Candide offers Hedley three diamonds.

Bon doo sir! says Hedley.

What's Bondoo? asks a boy in the audience.

French, says Hedley.

I think you'll find it's African, says someone else in the audience.

That's voodoo, says someone else.

I knew English was better, says Hedley.

All right Hedley, whispers his mother. Go on. Say it in English.

Good God Sir! says Hedley. If you had done every crime imagible, you would still be most honest! 

Why? asks a boy who knows Hedley.

That is, able to be imagined, says Hedley.

That's not what I'm asking, says the boy who knows Hedley.

Imagible is wrong, says Hedley. I just forgot it.

But why is he honest? asks the boy.

Candide feels sorry for Hedley, who probably has no idea of the subtext.

Because I have bribed him, says Candide. He is prepared to claim I am honest.

And in fact, says Martin. Candide is the most honest person in the novel. So let us continue.

The audience has become restless. When will they see more of the puppets?

I have a brother who will meet you at Dieppe, and take you to England, for a few diamonds, says Hedley.

That is a relief, says Candide. I must say, I am disappointed in Paris.

He, Martin and Hedley exit the stage.

Hedley's mother exits, with Kobo.

Terence and Greedy emerge from behind the bed curtains.

Everyone is looking.

Terence thinks it would be good to end up with a song, and do something honest with the diamonds.

He whispers to Greedy.

Bondoo sir bondoo! (sings Terence). 

Imagible doo!

Diamonds make people honest,

And these are for you!

Greedy throws several diamonds into the audience.

A mad scramble ensues.